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AlyssaB

Still Discovering Myself

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Hi ladies, my name is Alyssa. I've been lurking on the site for a minute but decided to finally introduce myself. I'm 23 and I live in Jacksonville, FL. I recently made the decision at the start of the new year to start dating women exclusively. I'm super excited, but also very nervous about taking this step in my life. I've come out to a couple of my close friends but haven't yet told any family members. 

I've felt attraction for other women for about seven years, since I was a junior in high school. I've tried rationalizing it away and thinking it was just a phase or something but as time has gone on my desire for women has become almost a hunger. My senior year in college I started attending some LGBT events and made a lot of new friends but thought maybe it was just a curiosity I needed to scratch. But for the past year or so, I think about women all the time. 

With Valentine's Day coming up, I'm a little sad I don't have that special lady to spend it with and that's part of the reason I decided to introduce myself now to just fellowship with like-minded ladies who may be experiencing something similar. I'm really glad to be here and I look forward to meeting some great new people. XOXO, Alyssa Alyssa11.thumb.jpg.90f642867588555868cc656bf5a448f6.jpg

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Welcome to the site!  If you've been lurking, then you know this is a wonderful place for support and community (not a dating site!).  If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.

I was nearly the same age as you (25) when I made the conscious decision to stop dating men.  I struggled with dating women (I think just because I'd never learned how!), and then opened back up to guys, which was a huge mistake in my case, and I ended up in an abusive marriage.  Now that I am no longer married, I'm exclusively dating women (with much better success), and it's definitely the right path for me.

How have your friends responded?  Do you have good support around you?  What's keeping you from telling your family?  

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My friends have been very positive and supportive, which has been a huge help. My family is just very traditional. They're very straight and rigid in their thinking and outlook on life, so I know if I were to announce to them that I've decided to pursue a lesbian lifestyle they wouldn't be happy, lol. 

I know I'm going to have to tell them at some point, but I think I need to make further progress in my own journey of feminine love before I share it with them. I've really been enjoying the forums so far and looking forward to contributing. I don't know much about love between women yet as I haven't really had a real girlfriend relationship yet but definitely open to learning from others who have and maybe get some help with heading in the right direction. 

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3 minutes ago, AlyssaB said:

My friends have been very positive and supportive, which has been a huge help. My family is just very traditional. They're very straight and rigid in their thinking and outlook on life, so I know if I were to announce to them that I've decided to pursue a lesbian lifestyle they wouldn't be happy, lol. 

I know I'm going to have to tell them at some point, but I think I need to make further progress in my own journey of feminine love before I share it with them. I've really been enjoying the forums so far and looking forward to contributing. I don't know much about love between women yet as I haven't really had a real girlfriend relationship yet but definitely open to learning from others who have and maybe get some help with heading in the right direction. 

Relationships are relationships, regardless of gender, but pursuing women is definitely different from dating men!  That was my problem (still is a struggle for me).  Luckily I've dated a couple of women who made their intentions with me ABUNDANTLY clear, leaving no room for misinterpretation.  The dynamic between two women is definitely different, and while there aren't a ton of generalizations one can safely make, I will say I like how much more egalitarian same-sex relationships are.  You can really make them your own.  We're already queer, why not queer up the relationship?  For example, my GF is quite butch, but she also has some very feminine traits about her, and I adore that!  My last GF was pretty femme, but many of her thought patterns are like men I've known.  I know I'm a mix of masculine and feminine traits.  I think most of us are, but queer relationships make that a little less linear.  It's less obvious who's going to fill what role, the way you can see it in an opposite-sex relationship.

I can understand wanting to understand this all better yourself before shouting it from your family's rooftops.  When you're ready, you'll know.  You can also look up PFLAG in your area, which is a great resource for them.

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Everything about women appeals to me. A woman's smile can make me just melt!!! It's become abundantly clear to me that I want to spend my life with a woman. It's been a challenge for me to meet like-minded women as I'm not much of a club or bar person. I need to find like a lesbian coffee house or library, lol. It gets kind of frustrating too that people just automatically assume I'm straight. But I know these are just growing pains and I'll get beyond them. I just look forward to meeting Ms. Right sooner rather than later. 

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You'll get there!  That's the peril of being the "passable" gay girl- everyone assumes you're straight.  With time, you'll find your way into your own identity more and more.  You may also find yourself morphing some with different partners.  My more feminine partner drew out my more butch side, and my GF now brings out my more femme side, though I still generally wear men's clothing.  We are each our own!  Some people still can't figure me out until I say something.

It's hard to find a lot of lesbian hang outs anymore.  With the evolution of online dating, most people meet that way, and there are several apps and sites for that.  Just be cognizant of the fakes out there (we have threads about that here).

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Sometimes I'm tempted to wear a "I'm a dyke" t-shirt with rainbow bracelets for a week straight, lol. I have noticed how feminine hanging around some women makes me feel. I was in a sorority in college and it was like heaven, lol. Sooooo many hot girls in one place. 

I'm definitely wary of fakes. But it's been pretty easy for me to spot them so far. Normal women don't start asking for naked pictures after chatting for 10 minutes, lol. But I've had that happen to me a couple times chatting on some other sites. So sometimes they give themselves away too easily. 

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You might check out the HRC store online- I have a tee shirt that says Mighty Gay.  I love it!

Recently I was at a restaurant, and our server had on a bracelet with a few rainbow beads on it.  I complimented it and told him I was family, too.  He was like, You're the first person ever to notice it!

Some of the fakes can be more deceptive.  Anyone saying they're in the military and deploying is 100% fake.  I learned over time to try to meet sooner than later (and I totally agree about nudes).  Anyone scared off by actually meeting wasn't worth my time.

And yeah, a sorority would be like a smorgasbord!  

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16 hours ago, AlyssaB said:

Normal women don't start asking for naked pictures after chatting for 10 minutes.

I'm not normal... Send nudes! :D

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On 2/3/2018 at 3:16 PM, Golightly63 said:

I'm not normal... Send nudes! :D

Lol, well at least you're honest hon. I can respect that. ;-) 

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