Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Ambrosia

I just came out to my sister... Never thought I would

5 posts in this topic

The past week has been rough. Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of my husband's death, my mind has been everywhere, I had a dream that really shook me, and I've felt exceptionally alone. 

One of my husband's long time best friends, N, (who he dated in Junior high before she realized she was a lesbian.. She also works for my mom now) has been checking up on me every few days, and i had a really good,much needed talk with her about everything on my mind. Talking with her has pretty much kept me sane the past few days, she knew my husband for most of his life and she's completely non-judgemental. I told her about our situation with my girl and her husband, and how my husband's death has affected us, emotionally and sexually. I told her pretty much everything actually. She mentioned that my mom and sister wondered about my girl, considering she was so attached to me throughout the arrangements and the physical lack of distance between us, holding hands, arms frequently around each other, etc.

My family is very Republican, religious, etc. Having a lesbian employee who pushes every boundary they have has helped open them up and become more accepting and question why they have certain values imposed by the church rather than thinking for themselves. I'm still uncomfortable with my parents knowing I'm bisexual and that my husband and I weren't monogamous. Though I'm thinking they may be onto me after N told me they'd mentioned something about my girl. Fantastic.

N casually mentioned my (previously) teetotaling dad likes whiskey, which blew my mind. I texted my sister for verification and she confirmed that my parents now drink every so often (doesn't sound like a big deal unless you're familiar with the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, even a drop of alcohol is of the devil). I said "all those years of hiding liquor and wine bottles when we knew they were dropping by, now this?" Sister said "they knew you drank, Ambrosia. They know you smoke too. They don't care, all they care about is you being happy and healthy. I feel like i can tell them anything" i told her i knew they know now that i smoke and drink, and i feel like i can tell them most things but not all. She asked me what sort of things? Not pills/hard drugs or anything, right? I told her definitely not, i barely take aspirin let alone pills or hard drugs. 

So, i told her I'm not straight. And H and I weren't monogamous. She asked, "are you and (my girl, she's G from now on) a thing?" I told her we used to be. She asked what happened, and i told her H died and the remaining three of us didn't know if or how we should proceed. She said "So you like dudes and girls?" So i told her the entire situation, our dynamic before he died, the bits of the night he died that I've always omitted because i didn't want to admit to anyone that we were in something deeper than just two couples hanging out. She took it much differently than i expected. She didn't treat me like I was a freak. She told me how sorry she was that I lost both H and my sexual relationship with G through all of this, empathized with me on how hard it must be to be dealing with such a complicated and heartbreaking situation while also living with G and her husband. She asked questions, what my relationship is like with G's husband (dear friends who don't sexually engage directly but aren't afraid of being naked in front of each other and love the same woman in different ways), if we ever traded opposite-sex partners (we didn't), if H ever slept with other women (we looked, but never found one), if I think the 3 of us will continue (we've discussed the possibility). 

I feel lighter. Accepted. Honest. 

I also admitted I've been casually hooking up with M, simply because my sex drive has been out of this world. She didn't judge me for that either. She listened and made me feel validated as i explained to her all of my feelings on the situation and how fucked up it is being 30 and diving into the single world for the first time in my adult life, especially since I'm on the opposite side of a deep, meaningful relationship that ended in death and have no interest in finding another, unlike a lot of singles who are hooking up with the intent of finding a partner. She validated my lack of desire to be with anyone romantically ever again, and assured me that i could be fulfilled without romance as long as I have meaningful friendships (which i have so many). Most people don't do that when i tell them I don't ever want a serious relationship again. They tell me I'll change my mind, I'll meet someone, the right person will come along despite my being adamant that I'm just not interested in coupling up and settling down again. I appreciated her willingness to listen to my wishes and not try to convince me otherwise.

Today has been cathartic, after a super difficult and emotional week.

9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like your sister has been wonderfully supportive of both your orientation and your plans for the future. Interesting to hear about your parents drinking now. Reminds me of a joke: "Why should you always take two Baptists along on a fishing trip? If you only take one, they'll drink all the beer."

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That’s great news, it must feel pretty amazing to be showered with support and acceptance like that. I’m glad to hear you got a good response, it’s good for the soul.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep healing @Ambrosia, lifting a weight by sharing and being well received is such a great feeling!  Keep being your authentic self and you will continue to be surrounded by lots of love and acceptance.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Ambrosia I'm sorry, just now catching up on this thread. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm really happy for you that you have a wonderful sister who loves you no matter what you are and what your choices are. I have a sister like that too, and I wouldn't trade her for ANYTHING!! She just renewed her vows with her husband of 10 years tonight, and even though they've been through hell, I'm so proud of her for sticking it out and still being true to herself. He's a pretty great guy and I'm lucky to have him in my life too.

Best of luck to you through this difficult journey.  ((Hugs))

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0