Kailee

New Stage of Processing Sexuality?

34 posts in this topic

Prior to Shy's I only acknowledged my sexuality to myself and a select few other people.  I joined Shy's to more openly recognize and nurture that part of my identity. I find that I am now experiencing some sort of stage where I am thinking about my sexuality and wanting opportunities to be with a woman, All. The. Time.  I almost feel like a teenager again (not something i prefer to relive!). I feel stuck and very sexually frustrated.  I was just wondering if this is typical? Have other women experienced this?

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Took me almost two years to come to that stage since I joined. For me not wanting all the time or searching opportunities but to admit and decide that I'll be with a woman and whatever its going to happen will.I am the way i am and I don't want just sex but I don't want a girlfriend too :P

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I can relate to this. I’ve known for a long time that I was attracted to women, but never really embraced that as a part of my sexuality. But once I did, I had a sort of sexual awakening, it was like an intense desire to act, and I felt like a teenager as well. This was before I joined shys, I ended up getting involved in a remote sexting relationship of sorts, and while technically I was cheating on my husband, I truly feel it was something I needed. That intense feeling has since tamed a bit, and doesn’t consume me in the same way, at least not all the time. Being on shys is what I call bitter sweet, it’s fantastic being able to connect with other women in similar situations, but sometimes, being more open, and nurturing my bisexuality, does cause sexual frustration, because I can’t ethically act on my desires. 

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Wow. @kairiAnd @Cute&CuriousI can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear that.  Tbh, I want a sexual experience with a woman. ..with that said I would prefer a long term fwb or gf situation. However, I feel like that is asking a lot of someone since I am already married...one can hope!

@Cute&CuriousHow are you able to cope without being able to openly explore?

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YES this is pretty much where I am at the moment as well, I really do feel like I'm a teenager again. I had my first experience with a woman a bit less than a year ago and since then I have not been able to stop thinking about it and wanting it to happen again and I didn't even realise before that I had all these feelings haha. Got back on tinder a while ago and am now kind of seeing this non-binary person, although they're in a relationship and poly so this is more of a casual thing, but very fun and exciting. Never really did the whole dating thing when I was younger since I was in a relationship with a guy from when I was 18 into my early twenties and didn't get to explore this part of myself until now.

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23 hours ago, Kailee said:

Wow. @kairiAnd @Cute&CuriousI can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear that.  Tbh, I want a sexual experience with a woman. ..with that said I would prefer a long term fwb or gf situation. However, I feel like that is asking a lot of someone since I am already married...one can hope!

@Cute&CuriousHow are you able to cope without being able to openly explore?

I don’t know if it’s a matter of coping...it’s really more about finding my happy place...recognizing what I want vs what I need vs what I can have. We all have to make choices that we can live with, nobody gets to have the perfect life, everyone has to make some sacrifices. What’s right for each of us is entirely individual.

Just being here, openly discussing my thoughts and views on bisexuality, connecting with other women in ‘the community’, simply acknowledging and embracing my sexuality, is exploring...to a degree. I’ve learned SO MUCH about myself since becoming a member here. I’ve gotten to be very in tune with my sexuality, my feelings and my desires. I feel that I have grown, and continue to grow, and have no intention to stop growing. I’ve gained confidence and self awareness, which are invaluable to me. 

I may not get to explore my sexuality in the way that I would like, but there is more than one way to explore... I can do that in my own way...in a way that’s right for me. I will always experience sexual frustration from time to time, who doesn’t? But I’m at a place where I’m comfortable with who I am, I don’t see my sexuality as a burden or an obstacle, it’s a part of me that I love, and I really don’t wish to change.

I’m rambling, I tend to do that a lot lol

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I think what you're feeling is pretty common.  It's coming more to the forefront of your mind being in a community of women who can relate and talk about it openly, and naturally, you want to experience this for yourself.  In my case, I experienced it once when I was 18, and that just fueled my fire, and I really wanted more for a long time.  I didn't get to be with a woman again for another 15 years.

The teenager thing is also pretty common, and like a teenager, you'll have to learn to navigate the world of dating women, which is very different from dating men!

Being married changes things, but there are other married women who are in the same or a similar situation, and you can seek out those women.  We see them all the time around here!  If you get on the dating apps, you'll see them all over the place.

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I can relate. My gf broke up with me a few weeks ago and now all I want is to be with her.  My husband though supportive of me being bi, does not want the three of us in a relationship again.  But I will say that after being with this woman I have felt like a teenager again myself.  I'm struggling now because I love my husband but am also very attracted to women and this woman in general.  I sought her out after lack of emotional connection with my husband.  

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On 2/22/2018 at 2:58 AM, Cute&Curious said:

I don’t know if it’s a matter of coping...it’s really more about finding my happy place...recognizing what I want vs what I need vs what I can have. We all have to make choices that we can live with, nobody gets to have the perfect life, everyone has to make some sacrifices. What’s right for each of us is entirely individual.

Just being here, openly discussing my thoughts and views on bisexuality, connecting with other women in ‘the community’, simply acknowledging and embracing my sexuality, is exploring...to a degree. I’ve learned SO MUCH about myself since becoming a member here. I’ve gotten to be very in tune with my sexuality, my feelings and my desires. I feel that I have grown, and continue to grow, and have no intention to stop growing. I’ve gained confidence and self awareness, which are invaluable to me. 

I may not get to explore my sexuality in the way that I would like, but there is more than one way to explore... I can do that in my own way...in a way that’s right for me. I will always experience sexual frustration from time to time, who doesn’t? But I’m at a place where I’m comfortable with who I am, I don’t see my sexuality as a burden or an obstacle, it’s a part of me that I love, and I really don’t wish to change.

I’m rambling, I tend to do that a lot lol

Thank you for posting this. I feel in lind of the same situation...and ive been finding it hard to come to terms with the fact i cant have/do everything i want to do right now. 

I am trying to show some form of patience but damn it is hard! I am working towards my comfortable place and hoping one day my husband might come round to the idea of me having a fwb type deal with someone! 

@Kailee think im just about coming out of my '2nd teenage stage'...it is frustrating...like it was the first time lol. But as i am in the same boat...married...it is hard like you said because ethically you dont feel you can do anything! Have you talked to your husband about your sexuality? 

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@yorkshiregirlMy husband has always been aware of my sexuality (bi, poly) and is cool with it. We are in an open relationship.  I just have no idea how to meet women who are cool with my situation.  I am not really comfortable with apps and social media (matter of fact, being on this website is as much as I have ever participated in any of that) so my options are somewhat limited :-/

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@Kailee i get you, the whole app dating thing i find really hard...not that i am doing it lol, but i have friends that do. It seems, i dont know...just alien to me lol! I also hear you for social media...i have Twitter but thats it lol! 

You are ( i wont say lucky because you guys obviously have the trust and love in your relationship whixh requires a lot of work) fortunate (i cant find the word in my head i want lol), to have your relationship with your husband. Mine doesnt want to really hear how my sexuality/being with a woman specifically wouldnt mean i would love him less lol. 

Do you have any LBGT groups or anything in your area you could join or anything? 

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I am with you guys....it has been a little over a year and a half since I’ve discovered my “awakening.”    While I know my experience is somewhat unique in that my same sex attraction smacked me in the face as I fell for a best friend.  It smacked us both in the face and we have evolved in so many ways since our first encounter.   After time, I expected the “new shiny object” not to be as exciting and yet almost 2 years later...i still feel like a teenager in her company...& it feels really good.   The passion and desire is very different to me.  It has caused me to question my relationship with sex.

 Prior, I was always monogamous and only intimate with one man (my husband).  Sex was different to me when i was younger and before kids.  I enjoyed sex, but didn’t crave.  I experimented, but didn’t enjoy much of it.  Over time, it started to feel like a chore and that is not a good feeling or how I think sex between two people should be.

Fast forward to finding a best female friend who i have a connection and attraction to...and sex/intimacy as i knew it has changed and has completely challenged my sexuality.   For the first time I yearn to be with her, I crave her touch and I want to please her....it is all data to me at the moment, but is very confusing.

My advice is to allow yourself time to peel away your own layers and explore this side (in whatever form is safest or comfortable for you).  Give yourself time to process it.  

I had some freedom within my marriage to do this, but it is very complicated to internalize a lot of it.  Really tough emotions come into play.  I couldn’t share my experiences with my H bc I need to really understand what it all means for the long term.  Can I balance both?  Are we still sexually compatible?  At the end of the day, do I prefer intimacy better with a woman?  Questions I will continue to ponder...

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On 2/20/2018 at 8:36 AM, Kailee said:

Prior to Shy's I only acknowledged my sexuality to myself and a select few other people.  I joined Shy's to more openly recognize and nurture that part of my identity. I find that I am now experiencing some sort of stage where I am thinking about my sexuality and wanting opportunities to be with a woman, All. The. Time.  I almost feel like a teenager again (not something i prefer to relive!). I feel stuck and very sexually frustrated.  I was just wondering if this is typical? Have other women experienced this?

I have felt all the same feelings, so frustrated you feel you may explode or implode either way something is 'ploding.  My situation is a bit different, I cant be honest with my husband on how I feel. It would cause alot of issues and I dont want my every move watched. So for me I have this outlet and my mind, at least for now. I was just relieved to find this site, to find other women, just like me. That helped alot with my frustrations. 

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On 20/02/2018 at 1:36 PM, Kailee said:

Prior to Shy's I only acknowledged my sexuality to myself and a select few other people.  I joined Shy's to more openly recognize and nurture that part of my identity. I find that I am now experiencing some sort of stage where I am thinking about my sexuality and wanting opportunities to be with a woman, All. The. Time.  I almost feel like a teenager again (not something i prefer to relive!). I feel stuck and very sexually frustrated.  I was just wondering if this is typical? Have other women experienced this?

I feel this place has helped me in such a big way. I've had various experiences with women in the past a couple of relationships and a few encounters but I suppressed it all as my family wouldn't have accepted me. Then I met my husband and an opportunity to tell him about my past literally passed me by. Just before I found this place I began having crushes on various women, I thought I was going crazy that this can't be happening again etc etc then I found this place and was so relieved to find so many women in exactly the same situation and I finally felt a weight had been lifted. I don't tell my husband because it would ruin him and families, but yes I have to agree I feel like a teenager, he has mentioned to me that he wonders where my new confidence has come from, you're like a new women, he said!  crikey!  

 

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@ViolettaYes! There is also a new sense of confidence, I have to say I do enjoy the confidence boost ;)  I feel sexy.  Alive, I have a sense of adventure.

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6 minutes ago, Kailee said:

@ViolettaYes! There is also a new sense of confidence, I have to say I do enjoy the confidence boost ;)  I feel sexy.  Alive, I have a sense of adventure.

Yes!! I couldn't have said it better myself 

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@Kailee @Violetta glad to hear that you feel confident. I can't say the same for myself. I have my moments but then I land to reality. I can't say I feel sexy too. I guess it's a personal thing. I never saw myself as anything else than the average me. As I said I have my moments but they don't last long :P

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5 minutes ago, kairi said:

@Kailee @Violetta glad to hear that you feel confident. I can't say the same for myself. I have my moments but then I land to reality. I can't say I feel sexy too. I guess it's a personal thing. I never saw myself as anything else than the average me. As I said I have my moments but they don't last long :P

@kairi I do have my off days and wonder why any woman would find me attractive but it definitely has perked me up in more ways than one...plus I've always been quite flirty too... that maybe doesn't always help though 

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@kairiI used to have a lot less confidence.  it has taken a while to feel good about myself most of the time,  and it was a lot of work.

Average Kairi is a woman full of beautiful complexities, intricate and unique thoughts and feelings,  and filled with a lifetime of experiences (for good or for bad) that grow wisdom.

Not so average ;)

xx

Edited by Kailee
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17 hours ago, Kailee said:

@kairiI used to have a lot less confidence.  it has taken a while to feel good about myself most of the time,  and it was a lot of work.

Average Kairi is a woman full of beautiful complexities, intricate and unique thoughts and feelings,  and filled with a lifetime of experiences (for good or for bad) that grow wisdom.

Not so average ;)

xx

:blush2: As I said I have my moments 

And thank you @Kailee for think like that for average Kairi :P:blush2:

Edited by kairi
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33 minutes ago, Violetta said:

@kairi I do have my off days and wonder why any woman would find me attractive but it definitely has perked me up in more ways than one...plus I've always been quite flirty too... that maybe doesn't always help though 

I wonder that all the time. Sometimes I dare to open up more and feel something I might deserve :P but then landing to reality is even harder. I flirt too here when I feel confident enough but days like these when I decide to reveal  a little more openly for everyone to read I don't feel so confident and I can be pretty brutally honest in what I reveal about me. 

Edited by kairi
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1 hour ago, Kailee said:

@ViolettaYes! There is also a new sense of confidence, I have to say I do enjoy the confidence boost ;)  I feel sexy.  Alive, I have a sense of adventure.

This is exactly how I felt in the beginning (particularly when I was involved in a sexting relationship), I’m pretty sure I’ve used those exact words on more than one occasion...but then my husband knocked me off my high horse, and it all went to shit. It’s a shame too, because my ‘good mood’ carried into other aspects of my life, including my sex life with my husband, so there were benefits all around. Now, the only thing I’m confident about is that my life will never be the same.

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On 2/20/2018 at 5:36 AM, Kailee said:

Prior to Shy's I only acknowledged my sexuality to myself and a select few other people.  I joined Shy's to more openly recognize and nurture that part of my identity. I find that I am now experiencing some sort of stage where I am thinking about my sexuality and wanting opportunities to be with a woman, All. The. Time.  I almost feel like a teenager again (not something i prefer to relive!). I feel stuck and very sexually frustrated.  I was just wondering if this is typical? Have other women experienced this?

Yes!  I'm going through everything you described.  In fact, your description of feeling like a teenager again is something I've hesitated to admit.

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On 2/26/2018 at 2:48 PM, Kailee said:

@yorkshiregirlMy husband has always been aware of my sexuality (bi, poly) and is cool with it. We are in an open relationship.  I just have no idea how to meet women who are cool with my situation.  I am not really comfortable with apps and social media (matter of fact, being on this website is as much as I have ever participated in any of that) so my options are somewhat limited :-/

@Kailee, it's the same for me.  I hesitate to use apps and social media, and that makes it very hard for me to meet women.  Part of my hesitation is because I'm only out to my husband (who has always known I was bi, even before I told him), meaning I'm pretty much in the closet.  The other part of it is that I'm new to this, so when I look through the dating apps and LGBT social media, I don't feel I belong, at least not until I figure out my role in these communities.  I think this is related to my post on lesbians and biphobia where I don't know what to expect or what is expected of me.  Shybi is, at the moment, the only site where I am in the company of women who understand my need for advice and support as I come to terms with my sexuality.

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On 2/26/2018 at 5:48 PM, Kailee said:

My husband has always been aware of my sexuality (bi, poly) and is cool with it. We are in an open relationship. 

Hi @Kailee, I'm rather curious about the dynamics of a bi/poly/open marriage lifestyle and whether it might be right for my situation. Would you mind if I PMd you too discuss??

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