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Ribzy747

Some advice please

3 posts in this topic

So I've registered with shybi multiple times over the years coming back from time to time and forgetting my sign on details everytime!

 

Anyway! I've recently started seeing a therapist about a multitude of issues and it's started to help me articulate some of the crap in my head. Coming out being one of them which hopefully some of you wise ladies my be able to help me out with.

 

Bit of background: I've been in a relationship with a man who is extremely sweet and I see as my best friend for the past 14 years. He is the only real relationship I have had in my 35 years on this planet. I've figured for a while that I'm at least bi but now I'm coming to the conclusion that actually I'm most likely gay.

 

And no, as Billy clinton would say, I have had no sexual relations with a woman (I've had a few alcoholic drinks btw, so... Sorry about my crap humour).

 

I've tried to bring up my sexuality with my guy on multiple occasions e.g.

1 - In the middle of sex I said I want to have a threesome with a woman (he never followed up on this... To my dismay)

2 - I said, while drunk, that I had a big secret - he followed up incessantly the next day on what that secret was and I answered, sober, that it was something about who I am that I couldn't change (then the questioning mysteriously stopped from his end).

3 - We were on weekend break in the fabulously gay town of Brighton, on pride day... So it was even gayer than usual.. And I said while cheersing that the day was a celebration of me as a "bisexual"... He cheersed (can cheers be used as a verb?) to that then said nothing and changed the subject.

4- Finally about a month ago, owing to some liquid courage as usual, I proudly stated "I think I might be gay, would you hate me if I was gay?". To which he said of course not! And it was left at that.

Next day its as though nothing happened.

 

I know I'm being very irresponsible and because of my own fears I'm desperately trying to get him to talk to me about it! I want out and want to come out but only if he will stay in my life because even though I'm not in love with him because I know I can only feel that for a woman, I do still love him and care about him. He is my rock and has been my only constant in my life.

 

I don't know how to come out and still have him as my best of friends. I can not be without him. I know it's messed up but I genuinely feel so stuck and can't see a way out.

 

Any advice at all is welcome.

 

Thanks if you managed to make it this far! Xx

 

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You gotta talk to him sober. So far it seems like he's been pretty supportive and not making dismissive comments. It sounds like being in Brighton was really positive for you. Can you go to pride events or LGBT meetups in your hometown?

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On 22/02/2018 at 3:04 AM, ChemFem said:

You gotta talk to him sober. So far it seems like he's been pretty supportive and not making dismissive comments. It sounds like being in Brighton was really positive for you. Can you go to pride events or LGBT meetups in your hometown?

Yeah I live in London so loads of LGBT meetups (with the exception of Pride events at work I haven't really gone to any!)

 

I know that talking to him sober is probably my only route... but while he seems supportive, it also feels like he really doesn't want to talk about it. I mean despite all that I've said/done - he's very affectionate and it feels like he's trying to almost prove that he's really into me. I guess it feels as though he's hoping that I won't bring it up and maybe get over it, if that makes sense? Or maybe he's hoping it's a phase, I don't know.

 

The reason why I find it so terrifying is because I'm estranged from my family (very religious family and I'm athiest)... While I do have good friends and I'm a sociable person, I'm still quite private and find it hard to let people get really close, which has meant that he's my one true best friend and effectively my pillar of support (emotional support that is). So, while I know I need to bite the bullet and just talk to him about it, the notion of losing him and maybe being alone forever terrifies me.

 

Anyway thanks for the advice!

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