Femme Lusting

Lesbians and Biphobia

8 posts in this topic

As a bisexual woman, have you experienced biphobia within the lesbian community?  If so, how did you handle it?  Also, do you feel there is more acceptance of bisexual women now compared to the past?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Femme LustingI haven't experienced it as I am not out to everyone I know or meet.  But I definately have heard stories or stereotypes that there is an anti bi sentiment amongst lesbians.  I have no sense if it's true or not.  I suspect that in the same way some straight people are biased against bis, so are some gay people.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it depends on the person, or in some cases, the community 'vibe.' My experiences have been almost completely positive. In fact, it's here on shys where I've seen/heard the most propaganda of this theory. I have many lesbian friends and have been to LGBTQ groups, gay/lesbian bars, etc. There is a bit of fear that a woman identifying as bi will just experiment, then flee to the relative social safety of 'straight' life. However, when it comes to really falling in love with someone, my experiences and friends' experiences prove the lesbian biphobia theory completely wrong. 

I now identify as completely lesbian, and have no problem dating a woman who identifies as bi. However, I would prefer to be in a monogamous relationship. That is sometimes a deal-breaker in situations where there is a hubby or boyfriend in the picture as well.

As for whether bisexuality is more or less accepted now than in the past? Honestly, the answer that came to mind actually surprised me. Yes, I think all labels of sexuality along the spectrum are more accepted now. BUT, it also seems more common for people to assume that someone identifying as bi is really just gay and hasn't figured it out that far yet. Maybe that's just in my little patch of the world? I can understand why this kind of assumption could be deeply offensive to some folks. However, I admit I am guilty of doing it myself at times! I would never say it, but really, I prob shouldn't think that either. To each their own!

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally experienced it from a gay friend years ago. She used to call me a "dirty cat flap" and say I just hadn't been with the right woman, pick a side, yadda yadda yadda.

Didn't stop her getting excited for me when I started seeing a girl and certainly didn't stop her from kissing me quite a few times ;) 

I just used to stand my ground and point out that for a lesbian, she was being very narrow minded. We clashed regularly over many different things but it was kind of our thing, we both enjoyed the back and forth - I think other people were afraid to challenge us in that way.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i too believe it depends on the person and their insecurities and their closed minds

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's hard to say how it's evolved, because I really wasn't even aware of biphobia until the past few years.  I didn't really date women until my 30s, even though I had the desire, and the couple I did go out with didn't seem to have a problem with my then-identity as bi.  Now I identify as gay, and I would still date a bi woman. My girlfriend, who is also gay, is VERY wary of bisexual women, because her ex-wife left her for a guy (even though she had identified as gay!).  She had some questions for me when we met, since I had been married to a man.

I have learned over time that dating ANYONE, it's important to assess where you both stand on the kind of relationship you want (sexual, monogamous, poly, actual relationship, FWB, etc), what your expectations are, and if you ARE going into an actual relationship, assessing what the other person wants for themselves for the rest of their life.  If you're bisexual and dating a woman, but see yourself ending up with a guy, it's important to be honest about that upfront, as much as it might hurt.  But in my experience, that's not, at least consciously, what most bi women seem to feel.

Among my friends, I haven't heard a lot of biphobic comments, really, and there are some bisexual women or women who have been with men in the past in my circle (or that my friends are dating or married to).

I would guess that back when I identified as bi, part of my challenge was the women who wouldn't even acknowledge me because I was bi, but then I didn't really even know about it, so it may have been there, but maybe not.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think part of it is generational. I've experienced minimal biphobia from other Millenials. We seem to overall have more comfort with fluid identities of all sorts and those who don't fit into a particular box. It's the positive side of being special snowflakes :P

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, ChemFem said:

I think part of it is generational. I've experienced minimal biphobia from other Millenials. We seem to overall have more comfort with fluid identities of all sorts and those who don't fit into a particular box. It's the positive side of being special snowflakes :P

Haha, special snowflakes. Love it :rolleyes:

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now