MarriedBi

I'm New Here

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I'm new here. I've commented a couple times. Here's my "story". I'm 37 years old. I've been with my husband for almost 18 years and married for 14 years. We have 2 beautiful little boys (7 and 9 years). I am out as bisexual to my husband and my best friend. He is understanding but I can tell he is scared and somewhat hurt even though he says he isn't. I came out to him about being bisexual about 2 years ago. Recently we've been discussing it more after not talking about it at all after my initial confession. I know he didn't forget about it. I came here to find advice and share my feelings and fears with other women that would understand what I am going through. Talking with him and then reading the things on this forum have made me feel not nearly as alone. This is exactly what I was looking for. 

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Welcome! By now you’ve realized that you most certainly are not alone, feels good doesn’t it? This site is pretty great, it’s comforting being ‘surrounded’ by like minded women. This is a safe place to express yourself, seek advice and support, etc. 

I came out to my husband 2 years ago as well, but mine hasn’t been so understanding. We’re still unable to discuss it AT ALL, it’s as if it’s forgotten, although I know better. You’re fortunate to have a husband who makes an effort to support you. Good luck! 

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2 hours ago, Cute&Curious said:

Welcome! By now you’ve realized that you most certainly are not alone, feels good doesn’t it? This site is pretty great, it’s comforting being ‘surrounded’ by like minded women. This is a safe place to express yourself, seek advice and support, etc. 

I came out to my husband 2 years ago as well, but mine hasn’t been so understanding. We’re still unable to discuss it AT ALL, it’s as if it’s forgotten, although I know better. You’re fortunate to have a husband who makes an effort to support you. Good luck! 

Thank you so much. This evening was very rough. I guess my husband had decided we were doomed and agonized all night and day. I told him about this site and how supportive it is and how much better I feel being able to talk to people in the same situation. It helped to make him feel better. It’s amazing how many different women are happy being married and bi but all have such different solutions.  It really gives me hope that we are going to make it. 

I’m sorry your husband hasn’t been supportive but he’s probably scared and doesn’t know what to think or feel. I’ve been reading a lot and I read that a spouse coming out as bi or gay is much like grieving a loss. I told that to my husband and it helped him understand his emotions better. My husband is supportive but he’s still not super happy with me right now. 

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Welcome. It takes a while for men to accept that their lady could be into women as well. Told mine over 2 yrs ago and he still finds it hard at times but he gets that it is part of who i am and I'm not going to hide it anymore. So I'm happy being me which in turn makes our marriage happier.

You will find many women here who are in the same boat. We all deal with it in our own way. What works for doesn't work for everyone. Finding what works for you and hubby will take time but you will find lots of support here

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He’s looked for a online “support” group that’s supportive like this one but he hasn’t found one. We’re talking about going to marriage counseling. We’ve both been to counseling for other things so it feels natural to go for this also. 

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Hi and welcome  :)

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Welcome to the site!  If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.

It's good that your husband is at least open to counseling.  That's more than many of us can say!  There's been chatter here over the years that there needs to be a counterpart site that's a support site for the husbands, but yeah, so far, nothing exists.  I doubt it would flow the same way, since men aren't generally as open about this stuff.

I think most partners get scared when they hear their partner is bisexual, because they're afraid the bisexual partner will leave for someone of the same gender (or whatever is opposite their current partner).  Sometimes it happens, too, so it's a legit fear.  You'll actually hear a lot about lesbians who refuse to date bi women for this reason- too many have been left for men.

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Yes. He is supportive but also very terrified. It’s been an emotional exhausting week of talks. I do think we will be better in the long run being so open with each other. He did conclude that he is not ok with me finding a woman to explore with. He said the actual thought is arousing but he doesn’t think he could emotionally share me in that way. Which I totally get and is a legit reason. I’m ok with this for now because I’m not ready to handle the emotional weight that would come with that either. 

 

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9 minutes ago, MarriedBi said:

Yes. He is supportive but also very terrified. It’s been an emotional exhausting week of talks. I do think we will be better in the long run being so open with each other. He did conclude that he is not ok with me finding a woman to explore with. He said the actual thought is arousing but he doesn’t think he could emotionally share me in that way. Which I totally get and is a legit reason. I’m ok with this for now because I’m not ready to handle the emotional weight that would come with that either. 

 

It's VERY emotionally taxing trying to balance more than one romantic relationship.  You can read all about it throughout this site.  If you do ever decide to dip your toes into that pool, there's a great book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eaton I'd recommend both of you read.  Even if you don't, it'll open up some really good conversations between you.  It's amazing how much something like this can increase the conversations between you.  And yes, emotionally exhausting!

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We’ve both started ready The Ethical Slut. We haven’t made it far but so far it’s a really good read. Interesting info. 

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On 3/8/2018 at 7:59 PM, MarriedBi said:

We’ve both started ready The Ethical Slut. We haven’t made it far but so far it’s a really good read. Interesting info. 

I swear every couple would benefit from reading it and discussing, whether poly or monogamous!

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