NotyourtypicalAA

She's So Beautiful

5 posts in this topic

I have a co-worker that I can't stop thinking about. She is the most beautiful person that I've ever had the pleasure of being around. I mean this girl is GORGEOUS! I'm 38 , married, and have two kids and she's 30 and straight (well used to be) with three kids. We worked in the same department but I had never had a conversation with her. I remember passing by her sometimes and saying to myself that she was very pretty. During this time I was in a stage in my life where I was confused about my sexuality. She left the company but came back after two years or so. She was on my team and that's when we started talking. I would compliment her all the time and we would talk about our relationships and experiences. She had a fairly new boyfriend and talked about him a lot. I listened but I couldn't help fantasizing about taking his place. Our conversations begin to get really raunchy and explicit. We would go into details about our sex lives and give each other pointers. I wanted to tell her so bad that I was bisexual and had been with two other women but I hesitated because I didn't want anyone to know. I've been discreet about my experiences and couldn't risk having my co-workers or better yet my husband finding out that I cheated on him with women. Well I finally opened up and told her and she seemed intrigued. I was afraid that I would scare her away or make her feel uncomfortable with me coming out to her but we talked even more. We worked out together  in the company gym and we would take lunch breaks together all the time.

She begin the process of selling her home that her and her kids resided in. She spent more time at her boyfriends house then her own home. I offered to do whatever I could because she was stressed out about the situation. I helped her pack her house and allowed her to keep her big items in my garage while she was in between moving. On moving day we were by ourselves and worked hard to pack and clean up. She had on short shorts and she has the cutest butt. I wanted to kiss her so bad but I knew I couldn't. There were soooo many times when I wanted to tell her I was really feeling her but held back reluctantly. Well she moved into her apartment and I helped her with that too. Her boyfriend helped and it was during that time that I learned that he was somewhat immature. She would tell me about her issues from time to time with him. One of them being that he was five years younger than her. I listened but I really didn't want to fuel the fire or get involved. I didn't want to encourage her to leave him either. It wasn't my place and what could I do? I am married with kids so it's not like I can try to have a relationship with her.

Well as time went on I started to fall for her more and more. I would fantasize about this girl while having sex with my husband. I thought about her a lot. She is so fucking beautiful and sometimes I couldn't believe she considered me as a friend. I mean I don't consider myself bad looking but I have gained a considerable amount of weight and my self esteem is not the greatest right now. Plus I was eight years older than her. Why am I letting this girl get in my head? My production at work started to decrease dramatically. We would talk all the time and hardly do work. I've been at my job for 17 years and I knew I had to straighten up so I requested to work from home. I didn't tell her. I just did it. I felt that she was a little irritated with me because I did it so abruptly and without warning, but she said she was fine with it. A few months later she begin to work from home too. During this time she also was beginning to become annoyed with her boyfriend and the way he communicated with her. I could relate because my husband had a very similar demeanor about him as well. Well one day she told me that after I started working from home she was befriended by two girls. One being a straight girl and the other a stud (we'll call her Robin). Well one day Robin asked her if she could kiss her and she said yes. She said it happened out of nowhere and it felt right. She had told me that she had one other encounter with a girl that she kissed but she felt nothing and didn't consider herself gay but this time was different. I was crushed. As she told me this I was silent and then she asked me what I thought. I then admitted that I was a little jealous and told her how I felt about her. She said she was surprised and had no clue. I didn't want to push our friendship away though said I told her that I was happy for her and I know this was a new experience for her and just have fun. Inside I felt I was slowly dying though. Oh how I wish I would have just took a chance but she may not have responded to me though. Maybe she doesn't see me that way. Well now she is completely broken up with her boyfriend and now seeing Robin. She calls it a friends with benefits type situation. I went through a period when I was really upset with myself, her, and Robin. Robin took that chance and now she has the girl that I want soooo badly. I'm now struggling with my feelings for my husband. To be honest I want out of the marriage. Not entirely because of her but other things as well. I don't want to completely turn my kids world upside down though. I feel stuck. Now I've turned to this website to seek refuge and peace. There are soooo many other women who have the same thoughts and experiences. Well I just wanted to share what I'm going through now. Sorry about the long story but thanks for reading. She's so beautiful......(long sigh).

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Hi, and welcome. There are other women here who have had crushes on or fallen in love with co-workers. Of course every story plays out differently. It’s hard taking that leap if you’re unsure how it will be perceived, so don’t be so hard on yourself. You chose not to act, now you regret it, but who knows, maybe if you had taken action you’d have regretted it. And I wouldn’t count it out just yet either, continue being friends and see where it leads, but don’t have any expectations of where you’d like it to lead. Who knows what will happen next, but at least now you know she’s not straight and she knows how you feel about her, so everything is out in the open. 

This is a great place for support, there are others here who are in similar situations, both with their marriage, and their lady crush/love. I hope you find comfort here.

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You're obviously feeling so sad about what may could have been with your friend. I do sympathise with you. I hope for your sake you'll feel stronger about it as time goes by. The important thing is for you to focus on your family now. It's easy to say that, but it's true. Your children come first and hopefully you'll be able to sort things out with hubby. Who knows what can happen, you may have an opportunity with another woman at some point in the near future.

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Welcome to the site!

I think it's important to keep the two issues- the woman you desire, and your desire to end your marriage- separate, and give both of them their due.

Why do you want out of your marriage?  Kids really do survive divorce.  I stayed in my marriage for WAY too long because of my son, even though I was slowly dying inside.  I left a little over 3 years ago, and it was the best decision I've ever made.  I am also a better mom for it (and, dare I say, it's easier to be a single mom than it was to be married to my ex).  Now my son and I can go and do the things my ex always held us back from doing.  And I am in an amazing relationship with a very supportive woman (who, BTW, is 31, where I am 38).

As far as this woman goes, who knows what would have happened had you pursued something, but really, if you're married, chances are she probably wouldn't have wanted to get in the way of that.  Maybe things will work out for her and Robin, maybe they won't, but it's probably best for you to try to get past this crush on her.

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Oh, man :(

I think aside from your marriage and all that stuff, the take away from this is that if you find yourself in a similar situation again, whether it's with her or someone else, is seize the moment and take a chance. I know hindsight is a frustrating beast but maybe you can use this experience to do things differently in future. Sorry this hasn't worked out but perhaps it's a blessing in disguise and you just can't see it yet.

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