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Hey there everyone I'm new here. This is my "story" I guess. I've always been a little more tomboyish when I was younger and openly talked how I liked women in middle school. My family always was unsupportive or said I play too much. That was just at 12 years old. I am now 24 and have had about 3 straight relationships. The most significant one, my highschool sweetheart, he understood me.. he would come with me to buy men's clothes and we always said how I felt like the man and he was more feminine and we were happy being eachother. After infidelity and losing our baby at 3 month; this was 4 years ago, I was left looking to fill a void. We don't talk anymore. I became very sexual and careless with men who hurt me. A guy I worked with and I got involved. We would go out everyday and it became a romantic thing. One night he got drunk and told me how he'd like to have a guy he found attractive have intercourse with him. He realized what he said and tried to shake it off as a joke but I reminded him that joke or not, that there is nothing wrong with that and that if it were true, I'm open minded and love him to bits anyway. I was able to explore with sexuality and help him figure things out because the whole hispanic machismo thing tends to scare guys thinking things like that mean they are gay. Blah blah blah let's get to me. I am in a relationship and in love but I feel like something is missing. I've never been able to experience completely being head over heels like I feel for women although I've never fully had a relationship with one. I'm beginning to realize I'm just in lust with men but love is something I will only able to share with a woman. And my family doesn't accept that about me which is why I think I've held back so long. I constantly tell my mom how I feel like a boy how I long to chop my hair off and finally be comfortable. And how I want to be in love and she just tells me to be quiet and say I'm crazy. I'm so confused and getting to the point where I want to just find out really what it is to find true love and now I have no idea how to talk to women it feels like its too late or I may never find someone. Am I broken? Everyone seems so happy but I can't figure myself out.. crying out for help you guys!

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Welcome! It sounds like your experience with the guy from work was pretty positive and you were able to affirm each other's bisexuality. Do you have anyone in your life currently who is similarly affirming?

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40 minutes ago, ChemFem said:

Welcome! It sounds like your experience with the guy from work was pretty positive and you were able to affirm each other's bisexuality. Do you have anyone in your life currently who is similarly affirming?

Yes the guy I am seeing right now knows I like women and is the one who's been so positive having me explore myself. Yes it is positive for me and the guy I'm seeing now (sorry idk how to say this) is into back play also but he's straight. Its just nice. I don't know where to start. Thank you for the reply don't feel so alone anymore!

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Welcome to the site!  This is a wonderful place for support!  If you haven't already, be sure to check out How Our Forum Works to see the site rules and other helpful posts.

Do you feel like you're struggling with not only your sexuality, but your gender identity?  I know that I have enjoyed wearing men's clothing and generally being a tomboy (though I am not necessarily butch), but I've never felt like a boy.  How does it feel for you when you're able to wear men's clothing or mess with gender lines?  Do you feel like you can get some space from your mom to be able to explore more of who YOU feel you are?  It has to be so invalidating when you try to be honest with her and she shuts you down.

It's wonderful that your boyfriend is supportive, but it's hard when you feel like you don't romantically connect with that gender.  That's a tough situation.  Relationships with women are REALLY different from relationships with men, and if it's what you truly feel like you should be doing with yourself, then what do you need to do to take steps in that direction?

Bisexuality is a spectrum, and few fall right on the center line and feel exactly the same for both genders. You can really prefer one over the other, and even date only one gender.  In my case, I made a conscious decision to stop dating men, because I have a VERY strong preference for women (which I confirmed when I stopped letting men get in the way), so much so that I identify as gay, but if you get down to it, it's more "homoflexible."  I never felt fulfilled wholly with men, but I do with the right woman.

It's definitely not too late, and you are NOT broken!!  Learning how to talk to women takes some time and practice.  There are threads about that here, because is IS so different from approaching guys.  You learn about dating the opposite gender in your youth, but it feels like you have to start over when you open up to the same gender!  You're far from alone in that.

At least you are figuring this out now, before you're married with kids and feeling trapped in a relationship that doesn't make you feel happy and like you can be your true self.  We see that a lot here, and it's heartbreaking.

The power to make change in your life is within you.  You can do this! :)

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@BiTriMama said it best, yoh are not broken! I understand how hard it can be to have people constantly say something is wrong even thigh to you it feels right. it sounds like you are at a point in your life where you want to be the real you and you should! cliche but true: yoh only live once. it's your life, embrace it!!

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