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Since so many of you have unrequited crushes thought you might have an insight into what's happened to me.   I'm in a weird numb emotional state at the moment and wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation.  I've been  in love / madly infatuated with my straight (bi-curious maybe) friend for well over 5 years.  We became good friends but she wasn't interested in anything more.  I accepted that and settled for a very one-sided friendship.  I would do most of the organising of get togethers and I put far more into 'us'  than she ever did.  I could never bare the thought of not having her in my life so I was willing to always do more for her.  Guess I was like a love sick puppy.

Now after many years of this set-up  I've finally come to realise just how unhealthy this relationship is.  And although there is still some attraction there I have fallen out of infatuation with her.  Its like everything I admired and thought about her has just dropped away and instead of thinking she is this amazing Goddess of a  woman I now see her for what she is, flawed like the rest of us ! In fact she has treated me quite poorly on many an occasion, but I always forgave.  She is doesn't have the qualities that make a friend and its taken me this long to come out of an all encompassing 'spell'.  

It has to be for the best that this has ended,  as it has been very emotionally exhausting.  But I am left feeling anxious and very lost.  I've cried a lot, felt angry and now just a bit confused.   I should be feeling liberated,  right ?  What's going on. ?

 

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It sounds like this crush has taken a lot of your energy over the years, and she’s fallen from the pedestal you had her on.  It sounds like you’re mourning a person that didn’t really exist, and you’re seeing her for who she is.  It’s kind of like ending any unhealthy relationship.  It hurts.  You’re going through the mourning process.  Allow yourself the space to few what you feel.  

Look for opportunities to do things you enjoy to distract yourself and get your joy back.  Look at yourself, too, and the things that you let slide to keep this unhealthy dynamic going.  What red flags did you choose to overlook and explain away?  How can you learn for the next time?

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Thanks, Brit.  Yes, think you are right.  Previous crushes have just faded away without much drama.  But this one is something else.  Spending this evening thinking about those red flags.  Hopefully never, ever again.   

Edited by Happyninja
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On 05/03/2018 at 11:56 PM, BiTriMama said:

It sounds like you’re mourning a person that didn’t really exist,

This ^^^ that’s whats going on! You’re finally seeing it for what it is. It hurt and you’re probably feeling mad at yourself for letting it happen for so long.. don’t be to hard on yourself, there’s a reason we all say “the heart rules the head” 

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I think many of us who have had unrequited crushes can relate. You finally come down from the high and see them for who they are. They treat you badly but you refuse to see it because you don't want to believe it at the time, you still see them as this idealized version. Then you realize they were never worthy of your "love" in the first place but you couldn't help how you felt about them.

Feeling anxious and very lost comes from this emptiness all of a sudden, you lost the person you thought she was, this friend who was a huge part of your life for so long. Feeling liberated will probably come at a later time when you forget about her and this bad experience.

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It's just that. Infatuation! Once this is over and you manage to get over the emotions that didn't let you think your rational mind takes over and you see more clear. Expectations is a really bad thing in my opinion and this does it. What you expect and need from what the other one expects and is willing to give, or maybe they can't too, is different. 

Then you go through almost all the stages, insecurities, sadness, self pity,anger toward yourself and finally her!!!And you know you don't deserve what she is just willing to give and then you make your decisions. Which is hard but at some point you have to or she has because it becomes painful.

Ffs relationships and friendships  are hard! I avoided them almost all my life.If you don't interact you can't get hurt right? I love deeply even if it is a friend, I know no other way, I am giving chances after chances but for me it is one click. Might be the stupidest thing but if it happens I become a robot :P and try to feel nothing!I put everything inside a tiny box and shut down. I said too much again 

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