pinklotus

Becoming uninhibited

11 posts in this topic

For many reasons, I am extremely sexually inhibited. Well, I would say the main reason is that I was molested many times by different men while I was between the ages of 4 and 11. So being introduced to sex that way led me to have a malformed view of what it means to be sexy and act on sexual desires. I went pout of my way to avoid being attractive even when I was finally removed from that situation and old enough to defend myself properly. People have always told me how attractive I am though I didn't necessarily believe it then. I do now believe that I'm attractive but I am still very inhibited when it comes to acting out sexual desires. I have recently come to realize that I actually have a bit of a dominant side (I'll elaborate in a separate post about that later) that I'd like to explore but I'm not yet to the point where I've grown uninhibited enough unless I'm drinking. I want to get to the point where I'm bold without the influence. I'm working on some of those things now but would really love input from any of you that may have gone through this sort of transformation. What thinks worked to bring you out of your shell to help you realize your healthy fully sexual side?

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I seriously could have written this. How old are you now? Have you been to counseling? Does your significant other know? 

I too was molested for much of my childhood. First by a older kid in my neighborhood cand later by my older brother. 

I ask these questions because as I got into my 30s (I’m 37 now) I started feeling more comfortable with my body. Then I told my husband. Not too much after that I went to counseling. I was being very self destructive before I told anybody. I was very closed sexually until after I had my second son at 30. I think the 3 things above helped me tremendously. Me and my husband now have a great sex life and are not inhibited at all. 

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Hi @MarriedBi! Yes he knows and I did counseling for a while but didn't keep it up. I put off thinking it was an issue because when I am having sex it's not an issue, and everyone else initiates but I don't initiate ever. Not so much because I have body issues but because I feel weird putting myself out there, in an expressive, vocal sense. While I can write erotica like nobody's business, I can't say any of it out loud like I want to. He also knows that I am bi and I enjoy having both participate, I know that I'm not ready to have the type of experience that I want so I haven't pulled the trigger on any of it. I have been working up to becoming more vocal (I'm really quite filthy...in my mind lol) but I'm taking it one step at a time with the end goal for me to feel like it is ok and normal to be, talk, and act sexy. I wanted to keep a low profile for so v Lin b59 so as to not attract attention to myself it buried the real me. I hope that all makes sense? I've not actually been able to speak to another actual person with a similar issue. all of my friends have all grown up pure and have no qualms about it. 

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It totally makes sense. You did everything you could to be invisible so nobody would see the manipulated version of yourself that you lost yourself completely. For me the actual abuse wasn’t as bad as the manipulation. Especially now that I’ve dealt with it. The manipulation made me hide myself and wasn’t exploring life like I should have been. It really robbed me of that time. 

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Yes, you totally understand what I mean! This year will be the year that I put all of that nonsense behind me. I want to totally enjoy my (sex)life!

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Yes!!! Your sex life now is about love and enjoyment (I’m hoping) embrace it. It’s so nice having somebody understand what you are going through or have been through. 

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it really is, thank you so much for commenting!! :)

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The right partner makes a difference when it comes to being comfortable letting that stuff out.  You might try pushing yourself a bit, just a little out of your comfort zone, but not full throttle, and just try it out.  Even learning how to initiate can be a huge step!

Talk to your partner outside of a sexual situation about it, too.  Talk about how you feel about it, what you want to explore, and you can also discuss ways he can help you feel more comfortable.  Focus on his responses in the moment, how he behaves when you dominate him, his expressions, if he gets harder, whatever.  It can help encourage you along the way. :) 

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I am definitely taking some steps that seem innocuous like getting really comfortable with watching myself with myself, if you will, in an attempt to get bolder. Also, being less conservative with what I wear around the house, so that i feel sexier, subtly. I literally have no reason to not feel comfortable with my husband, I've just been this way for so long it's like a terrible bad habit. Also, and I'll make a thread about this at some point, but I have zero interest in having a dominant relationship with a man, only women. And not dominating in a cruel or humiliating bdsm kind of way, but in a sensual way. Which I guess makes sense considering I find women to be more sensual than men in general. 

Edited by pinklotus
typo!
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13 hours ago, pinklotus said:

I am definitely taking some steps that seem innocuous like getting really comfortable with watching myself with myself, if you will, in an attempt to get bolder. Also, being less conservative with what I wear around the house, so that i feel sexier, subtly. I literally have no reason to not feel comfortable with my husband, I've just been this way for so long it's like a terrible bad habit. Also, and I'll make a thread about this at some point, but I have zero interest in having a dominant relationship with a man, only women. And not dominating in a cruel or humiliating bdsm kind of way, but in a sensual way. Which I guess makes sense considering I find women to be more sensual than men in general. 

I think a lot of us can relate to wanting to be more dominant with a woman versus a man.  When I was with men, I took a much more submissive role.  With women, it's more back and forth for me.  But it's hot when you're fooling around and you can grab her by the wrists and hold her arms above her head with one hand while you tease her and pleasure her with your other!  Dominating is not supposed to be about being cruel or humiliating.  Dom/sub should be about mutual respect and honoring (but pushing a bit) each other's boundaries and getting each other turned on to the max.  It also doesn't always mean spanking or tying someone up or anything like that.  It more means one person is being the aggressor, and the other is going with it.  It's more dominant to take your girl, start kissing her, press her against the wall, undo her pants, and start touching her while you get your mouth on her breast.  Even more fun if you deny her the pleasure of getting to reciprocate right away!  That's not about being cruel or humiliating, it's about adding some excitement to things!

I'm glad you're taking steps to get more bold with your husband, and I'm sure he's enjoying that!!

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Oh my....that definitely got my imagination going LOL. and honestly, I'm more concerned about me enjoying it than him! Not to diminish what you are saying at all @BiTriMamabecause it's so true, but it's been such a long, inwardly difficult journey that I'm feeling quite selfish about it whether he is enjoying it or not lol. 

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