pinklotus

Anyone married with a husband who is also bi?

10 posts in this topic

I'm not, but sometimes I wish he were so that he'd really understand what it was like. Is that crazy?? My husband knows that I'm bi, but because he's not, I feel that he can only understand it as far as how it could benefit him. He has told me a few times that if I am with a girl he doesn't consider it cheating but I still feel very weird about doing it behind his back and also weird about telling him if I was to go for it. I suppose that is my own issue to get over, and I know that eventually I will have to if I actually do meet someone of interest. 

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12 minutes ago, pinklotus said:

I'm not, but sometimes I wish he were so that he'd really understand what it was like. Is that crazy?? My husband knows that I'm bi, but because he's not, I feel that he can only understand it as far as how it could benefit him. He has told me a few times that if I am with a girl he doesn't consider it cheating but I still feel very weird about doing it behind his back and also weird about telling him if I was to go for it. I suppose that is my own issue to get over, and I know that eventually I will have to if I actually do meet someone of interest. 

I get that. My husband isnt bi and really doesn't want to join in or have anyone else. He has left it up to me what I do about being with a woman!! So I'm just taking it slowly and if I meet someone who wants to be more than friends then I suppose I'll have to talk to him about it and find out if he really is ok with it. I know a lot of women on here have said that their husbands were until it actually happened then they weren't as ok as they thought, which is what worries me the most

Edited by shazza21
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That is exactly what I would be concerned about too @shazza21 - you never know until you know. I have considered what it would be like to be in a poly sort of situation where she was OUR girlfriend. I know I could handle that and it would give me the best of both worlds LOL, but even then, I could see how that could create a world of drama too. I can't lie though - I would love having another dedicated adult around to help with day to day responsibility, home & life stuff.

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I’ve had this convo with my husband. I think it would make it easier if he were bi. Unfortunately he is not. 

At this point he does not want me exploring anything with a woman. It’s not the sex it’s the emotions he’s worried about. Which I understand. 

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@MarriedBi that definitely makes sense. Are either of you interested in experiencing it together? After joining this forum, I'm becoming surprised by the number of men that actually don't desire to do that. 

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I currently do not have any desire to have a threesome. It doesn’t appeal to me currently because I have never experienced a woman and do not want to share my first experience. 

He initially was interested in a threesome but then he realized he would most likely not enjoy that as much as he initially thought. Although he does say the thought of me being with a woman with or without him is a huge turn on. He is scared of the emotions that would come with me being intimate with a woman. I am too honestly. 

If I ever get to experience a woman on my own I may be open to sharing with him. 

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I’m married to a bi man! I’ll be honest.. he acted on this before we had talked about exploring our sexuality ourselves. So effectively cheated. Now had that happened with a woman his bag would have been packed ASAP! But I got it.. I knew why he had gone about it that way and I completely understood. Now this is where it differs for us (men v’s women).. emotions! For him (and I think I quoted in another post) it’s just something he fancies from time to time, like a peanut butter sandwich! It’s sex without the emotions. I can only speak for myself but I know that the emotional side of a relationship is as much wanted for me as the sex. So even when you have a bi husband the fear of emotions is still there!! 

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Ahhh @MarriedBi that makes perfect sense. I did not realize that you had never as of yet - I'm still catching up on everyone! I can see how your particular situation is quite tricky indeed. I know that after I had my first experience, I did not have or want an emotional connect, if I'm honest. However, after my first real taste, I was hooked and literally just wanted to get more of it in my mouth. I am a very oral person so that was a huge turn on for me. I have only ever found myself totally attracted to one girl emotionally. Like, if either of us had been single, I probably would have tried dating her. 

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@pinklotus Yes very tricky. Luckily me and my husband have a great relationship although this revelation is straining it some. We are doing our best to communicate with each other better but it is difficult when neither of us are sure of how we feel about all this. Currently I’m not seeking out to experience a woman but if something happens naturally we’ll cross that bridge. 

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@zzz_girl it does seem like this is a common occurrence. 

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