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How many of you ladies have had threesomes? What was it like, and would you do it again?

My boyfriend and I have been discussing them a lot these past few months.  He has given me the go ahead to play with other girls without him and while I haven't managed to get that far yet (crappy rural town with no lesbian activity I guess), I'm really, really eager to try it.  I'd love to involve him in this fun too, but I need to hear some success stories first.

I browse AskReddit a lot, and threesome threads occasionally pop up on there with horror stories about how their threesomes went horribly and ruined everything.  How did you avoid that? How should we approach this?

Almost every fantasy I have involves a threesome with him and another woman, and in my head it obviously goes perfectly.  He has said that he'd be totally fine not touching her at all and just focusing on fulfilling my fantasies, but that feels so...I don't know.  Like it's unfair on him, even though he'd enjoy the view ;P I'd want both him and the girl we invite to be having a good time too.

Am I overthinking things?

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HI! I wonder about this too. I came out to my hubby about a week ago that i am gay and we have decided to have an open relationship and the topic of threesomes have come up regularly. I also have heard horror stories about it and some people advising against it but it still peaks my curiosity. I've been with a girl before but she wasn't into the whole threesome thing so I just dated her for 6 months and when we had sex it would only be just me and her since she was against it. I'm willing to try one to see what it is like but I also would like to know if anyone here has been in one as well. I will be following this thread

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3sums are high on my list to try. I've yet to find a girl who would be up for it, but I'm not giving up. 

I came close to have a MFM 3 sum recently but the guy decided he wanted to be with his girl and only his girl. Hey ho.

one day mmmmm

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I have only had a mfm experience and only with one particular male friend of ours. It was great but what made it so great is that my hubby's fantasy was to watch me being pleasured by another man. I on the other hand don't share this fantasy.....when i am with my hubby i don't want to share him with another woman and if i find a girlfriend i don't think i would like to share her either. It's just how I'm wired, my hubby luckily understands this. However, I hope you find a woman with whom you can act out this fantasy with and I guess if you set some ground rules before hand so that everyone understands not to overstep each other's boundaries then I don't see why it can't work out. One thing for me that was very difficult is that i can't put my feelings aside and just make it about fucking. I easily develop feelings for the one i have sex with and i started to develop feelings. We had to stop cause I felt that things were going where it should not go. If you all can keep your emotions under control then go for it. Maybe don't do it with a friend but rather with a stranger. I don't know....can't give much advice lol!

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On 04/11/2018 at 3:47 AM, naruto said:

  He has said that he'd be totally fine not touching her at all and just focusing on fulfilling my fantasies, but that feels so...I don't know.  Like it's unfair on him, even though he'd enjoy the view ;P I'd want both him and the girl we invite to be having a good time too.

Am I overthinking things?

This might sound daft but I'd say it's unfair on average but that it varies from relationship to relationship, person to person.  Because yes, if he found another woman who was into him but wouldn't touch you with a bargepole would you be happily active and part of a threesome that way round where he was very much the focus of attention...   However I think sex doesn't always have to be equally about everyone involved's needs, sometimes it can be about being focused on you or on him or on her or on them... it's just if it keeps being about one person's needs over the others every time then it can become unhealthy.  A threesome that is kind of V-shaped with you at the bottom of the V getting all the attention from both sides, rather than like a triangle -- that is a perfectly OK thing to want.

 @VirgoGirl has a really good point about how much sex can be casual or builds a bond, and only you know how that works for you.  For me I know there are things I can do and it's not got that big emotional / bonding thing, and it can be casual.  And there are other things that are maybe less wise if this isn't going to be an ongoing thing.

Overthinking?  I don't think you are yet.  If by the time of the threesome you have a tightly defined script in your mind - she will do this at three minutes fifteen seconds in, he will have this expression when that happens, you will... etc etc... then you really have overthought it and need to remember the other people involved are people not toys! :P  But it doesn't sound like you've got to that point!  The main thing I think for everyone to go away happy is that you have thought about how it's gonna be for all three, and especially about her being a separate real person who may have particular needs from the encounter cos it's easy to understand you and your boy's minds more than the 'visitor's, Again like @VirgoGirl mentioned, different people have different fantasies and it sounds like you and your boy are doing well at talking through what you think will get you off.

I've had... I dunno, perhaps a couple of dozen threesomes over the years (what I lack in flirt-clue I make up for a bit in being old, so I've had decades to get round to it), and the odd moresome. A large part of "how?!" is by having a lot of bi friends... Sometimes threesomes are brilliant, like still replaying things in my mind years later level good... (where was I?)  ...sometimes they are alright, sometimes afterwards you're a bit meh.  So it's a lot like having sex in general :D  but with a greater chance of someone getting hurt and a greater chance of someone walking out part way through as they feel ignored, superfluous, that one of the people involved who they've had sex with before "never looks at me the way they look at you" etc.  So you're not overthinking, any more than someone who pauses and thinks about the implications of having a child is overthinking getting pregnant!

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I am not going to say DON’T DO IT because I know everyone is different.  I will however tell u my story.   For me it was amazing!   My H and I had a threesome about 6 years ago.   We didn’t jump into fast either, we had talked about it for almost 10 years. I believed we had a strong marriage and a great relationship, I thought we were both on the same page. I made sure we were!    He brought up the idea in bed one night, I didn’t even know I had those feelings.  But I trusted him we had been married for 10yrs at that point.  

So After 10 yrs of talking about it.   Being married for 20, thinking we were so strong,  I said I was going to try to find a woman for us.  I made sure he was good with it. He was!  Or so I thought.  That was the beginning of the end.   It has taken such a toll on our marriage.  We are separating after 27 years.  I am not saying that was the only reason but it was the main contributing factor!  

If u are 100% honest with each other about what u want, what u need and what u expect then I believe it can work.  However if u withhold the slightest issue or concern u may have about it, it will NOT work.  Write out rules so each of you are crystal clear!  

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I've discussed the possibility of having a threesome with my husband & whilst he's always been supportive & understanding of my bisexuality unfortunately it's not something he's comfortable with.

I suppose it'll just have to remain a fantasy for now. ;) 

 

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I have been involved with a few couples as the third person; one wife had a difficult time with her husband touching me, another was really into it and wanted more encounters but I wasn't interested. My current BF is aware of my bisexuality and we often talk about bringing a girl home but haven't met one yet that we both find appealing. We  too, live in a small community. I believe a couple has to trust each other completely and have the understanding that what happens is a pleasurable thing and not an emotional thing. At first I was afraid he would leave me for her if he found her more attractive or desirable but now I'm more secure in our relationship that I want to share my bisexuality with him. I think it will strengthen our relationship. I will let you know when / if it ever happens. 

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I have joined two couples fully and my first experience with a woman was a swinger couple picking me up at a bar but I freaked out.

The first time I joined a married couple,it was a fun experience. Since it was my first time with two people it was all new. But they were pushy after about wanting a relationship. She was too timid than I prefer. The second time made me ill. The woman was closed off. The man smelled and tasted bad. It was less positive. 

All of these couples were, however, experienced with boundaries in the swinger community.

The more people you involve the more complicated it gets. I think my issue is frequently that people fantisize about and objectify women joining them rather than going in with eyes open. People are emotional creatures and do not realize issues that can arise within their couple having insecurities, and that anyone they invite to join them also has emotional needs not to be used and abused as an object.

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Nope, no sharing. I want to be the main attraction and Vice versa. No man is going to watch. I do wish I had another lesbians friend that was open about sex since my GF and I, she is my only female experience and I am just curious what others “do”. Not someone online, a local friend to chat with. 

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I just opened a topic about the unicorn. I am single and have been approached and messaged on sites by couples . I have also had a couple 3 somes in my lifetime. Honestly its not my favorite thing . I prefer women alone. I also feel like couples say they want all leaving totally satisfied but then put boundaries up . Basically then the couple gets the best of both worlds as they say but the 3rd does not . She gets a man and woman giving her oral.. and then usually expected to give them both oral ... and they finish with the Big Bang... while the 3rd is left out of that scenario. I am not a fan of the bj unless I am getting finished through penetration ... so honestly the man isn’t doing anything for me in a 3 some if that boundary is up ... And I noticed alot of the posts actually were just worried about themselves and not much of a mention of there unicorns experience and desires .. does that make sense from the 3rds perspective?

Edited by gwnanc
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I hear this quite often from unicorns @gwnanc - though I've never been the unicorn myself I can imagine it's depressing over time, almost like being "guest genitalia" rather than a three-dimensional human.  Easy to slip into for the couple I suppose as they are likely to spend more time thinking about how great a threesome would be, rather than having spent that time thinking how amazing a threesome with you would be.

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On 2/15/2019 at 5:03 AM, gwnanc said:

I just opened a topic about the unicorn. I am single and have been approached and messaged on sites by couples . I have also had a couple 3 somes in my lifetime. Honestly its not my favorite thing . I prefer women alone. I also feel like couples say they want all leaving totally satisfied but then put boundaries up . Basically then the couple gets the best of both worlds as they say but the 3rd does not . She gets a man and woman giving her oral.. and then usually expected to give them both oral ... and they finish with the Big Bang... while the 3rd is left out of that scenario. I am not a fan of the bj unless I am getting finished through penetration ... so honestly the man isn’t doing anything for me in a 3 some if that boundary is up ... And I noticed alot of the posts actually were just worried about themselves and not much of a mention of there unicorns experience and desires .. does that make sense from the 3rds perspective?

I agree there is mostly no care and concern for the 3rd. She exists just to satisfy the man and woman. They hardly satisfy her. No wonder no one wants to be a unicorn. 

Its also really off putting when a woman is in a 3some to satisfy her husband rather than her own desires. I cannot see a bi guy doing the same

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On 2/15/2019 at 5:03 AM, gwnanc said:

I just opened a topic about the unicorn. I am single and have been approached and messaged on sites by couples . I have also had a couple 3 somes in my lifetime. Honestly its not my favorite thing . I prefer women alone. I also feel like couples say they want all leaving totally satisfied but then put boundaries up . Basically then the couple gets the best of both worlds as they say but the 3rd does not . She gets a man and woman giving her oral.. and then usually expected to give them both oral ... and they finish with the Big Bang... while the 3rd is left out of that scenario. I am not a fan of the bj unless I am getting finished through penetration ... so honestly the man isn’t doing anything for me in a 3 some if that boundary is up ... And I noticed alot of the posts actually were just worried about themselves and not much of a mention of there unicorns experience and desires .. does that make sense from the 3rds perspective?

I wonder what a female 3some would be like and if it would be different to a ffm

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44 minutes ago, blueberry said:

@Rani Now you're talking! I wonder, too. :clapping:

I wonder if any  women here have been in a fff with one woman in drag and with a strap on. Two worlds combining.

Rani's school of seduction will be taking this show on the road in australia, the US and UK

Edited by Rani
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On 2/15/2019 at 5:03 AM, gwnanc said:

I just opened a topic about the unicorn. I am single and have been approached and messaged on sites by couples . I have also had a couple 3 somes in my lifetime. Honestly its not my favorite thing . I prefer women alone. I also feel like couples say they want all leaving totally satisfied but then put boundaries up . Basically then the couple gets the best of both worlds as they say but the 3rd does not . She gets a man and woman giving her oral.. and then usually expected to give them both oral ... and they finish with the Big Bang... while the 3rd is left out of that scenario. I am not a fan of the bj unless I am getting finished through penetration ... so honestly the man isn’t doing anything for me in a 3 some if that boundary is up ... And I noticed alot of the posts actually were just worried about themselves and not much of a mention of there unicorns experience and desires .. does that make sense from the 3rds perspective?

The only threesome i would be interested is one where the husband is tied down, blindfolded and cannot participate. Then i use  a strap on on the wife. 

Haha

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I love eating a woman while he watches and touches.  Penetration only me. We are actually looking online now for someone interested in joining. 

Edited by Lookn4female4fun
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On 2/15/2019 at 5:03 AM, gwnanc said:

I just opened a topic about the unicorn. I am single and have been approached and messaged on sites by couples . I have also had a couple 3 somes in my lifetime. Honestly its not my favorite thing . I prefer women alone. I also feel like couples say they want all leaving totally satisfied but then put boundaries up . Basically then the couple gets the best of both worlds as they say but the 3rd does not . She gets a man and woman giving her oral.. and then usually expected to give them both oral ... and they finish with the Big Bang... while the 3rd is left out of that scenario. I am not a fan of the bj unless I am getting finished through penetration ... so honestly the man isn’t doing anything for me in a 3 some if that boundary is up ... And I noticed alot of the posts actually were just worried about themselves and not much of a mention of there unicorns experience and desires .. does that make sense from the 3rds perspective?

what if the guy in question is a homophobe who doesnt agree with gay people or marriage equality but he likes girl on girl action with a bi partner. I came across someone like that who justified my gay bashing because by holding hands i was imposing my "gay choice" on the public who may be faithful. I identify as bi but people see me as gay because i am in a relationship with a woman. 

i think i would need to hold a screening questionnaire to exclude homophobic couples/men. To be in consideration they need to respect same sex attractions and support marriage equality. 

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I have done this once. You have to have clear "rules"  or "guidelines" established before hand. All three of you. 

Your man, and lady  must have the maturity to care and stand firmly in these rules with you. 

If all that is in place... trust me, once things heat up... HE will not feel deprived! It is fair. He will have the show of his life. He will be more attracted and closer to you, for sharing in front of him.

You may or may not be the dominant one... make no mistake though, you have power in this! Shine!

P.S. It is great that you have the go ahead to be with her first! It will go smoother if you girls get a little "familiar" first. Say, in a bubble bath.

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On 11/11/2018 at 5:14 PM, Lizzie1967 said:

However if u withhold the slightest issue or concern u may have about it, it will NOT work.  Write out rules so each of you are crystal clear!  

It's the unconscious stuff that worries me.  What will be triggered?  What's unresolved? Such a huge rabbit hole to fall into.

That's not to say it can't work.   More than knowing your partner, you have to really know yourself.  And so does your partner.

All the best.  I hope you find the perfect person that's right for you.

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Some of those, little things... really don't need to be focused on or "over-thinked".

There's parts of it you won't know, ever, till you're in the heat of it, or even a month after.

If you have your rules understood, including the 3rd party's preferences...

At that point, let the Universe lead you three, in an adventure. Go in positive, stay positive. Worrying, never was very sexy ;)

You will have so much fun, especially you!

 

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On 11/11/2018 at 6:14 AM, Lizzie1967 said:

I am not going to say DON’T DO IT because I know everyone is different.  I will however tell u my story.   For me it was amazing!   My H and I had a threesome about 6 years ago.   We didn’t jump into fast either, we had talked about it for almost 10 years. I believed we had a strong marriage and a great relationship, I thought we were both on the same page. I made sure we were!    He brought up the idea in bed one night, I didn’t even know I had those feelings.  But I trusted him we had been married for 10yrs at that point.  

So After 10 yrs of talking about it.   Being married for 20, thinking we were so strong,  I said I was going to try to find a woman for us.  I made sure he was good with it. He was!  Or so I thought.  That was the beginning of the end.   It has taken such a toll on our marriage.  We are separating after 27 years.  I am not saying that was the only reason but it was the main contributing factor!  

If u are 100% honest with each other about what u want, what u need and what u expect then I believe it can work.  However if u withhold the slightest issue or concern u may have about it, it will NOT work.  Write out rules so each of you are crystal clear!  

I had a threesome with my hubby and my ex. Which was amazing at first until he freaked out. I honestly don't know what went wrong. Which is the reason she is now my ex. It could have been the fact that I was having an affair with her and he didn't know, until we were outed. We were at a bad place in our marriage and I think he felt insecure and threatened. Not gonna lie would definitely be willing to give it another try. But in saying that I want a relationship with a woman that I can be friends with and NOT have to share 

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Just remember that the outcome of any threesome will be based not only on the gender dynamics, but also, obviously, the interpersonal dynamics of the three people involved...and, most importantly, that if you really want to be with a woman...I mean REALLY want to, then putting on a show for ‘hubby’ definitely isn’t the best way of fulfilling your needs and desires. 

Engaging in a threesome shouldn’t be a compromise approach to being with a woman, because whether you realize it or not, or want to admit it or not, that will naturally involve the sexual objectification of that woman by you and your male partner...WHICH IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY!

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12 hours ago, BenedettaC said:

Just remember that the outcome of any threesome will be based not only on the gender dynamics, but also, obviously, the interpersonal dynamics of the three people involved...and, most importantly, that if you really want to be with a woman...I mean REALLY want to, then putting on a show for ‘hubby’ definitely isn’t the best way of fulfilling your needs and desires. 

Engaging in a threesome shouldn’t be a compromise approach to being with a woman, because whether you realize it or not, or want to admit it or not, that will naturally involve the sexual objectification of that woman by you and your male partner...WHICH IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY!

I agree with this especially the part about sexually objectifying the woman. I know i would feel very objectified and feel like im only doing this to satisfy the fantasies of the husband and maybe the wife. How do the couple intend not to objectify the 3rd woman and how will they stop her feeling excluded and neglected. 

I almost think a foursome is better than a threesome. At least there is one person for every one. 

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