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caliwoman

Do you believe that women, in general, are built to fear success?

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I was watching a panel of successful "Hollywood" women and they were discussing barriers to their goals. Without fail, each of them named themselves and their general fear of success as what blocked them most. 

After sending the video to another woman, she stated that most women are raised to fear success.. 

What say you? Have you accomplished your dreams? What's the barrier to your own success? 

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Very surprised that this thread didn't receive any comments at the time.

I certainly don't believe that we have been built to fear success. Not sure who the panel of Hollywood women are. Women have the ability just as much as men to achieve success. Maybe in some environments the opportunities aren't as available to us or they may be more restricted, but when it comes to intelligence, intellect, ambition and creativity, either gender is just as equal as the other. 

To answer@caliwoman I'm on the way to accomplishing my dreams and no, I never encountered any barriers.

 

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Posted (edited)

Well, I would need a little clearer definition of what they meant by "fear of successs."  If it means that we sometimes engage in forms of rather subconscious "self sabotage" that then holds us back....yes, I do think that is the case for some women.  Owing to things they might have internalized from around them as a child.  So, yes, I think that could be at play for me.  An example of what I mean, of the sort of thing that can happen to a young girl in certain environments (such as the very conservative environment I grew up in, both in my home and in the community and most certainly in the school) I was always extremely precocious, smart, rather very ahead of other kids at my grade level....and I tended to hide this.  Why?  Because a girl who stepped forward and demonstrated her superiority would experience a certain backlash and end up being ostracized, categorized in various derogatory ways (like being called a "snob"), etc.  Thus, it was strategically advantageous for me to conceal the fact I was smarter than most of the boys.  Could get along better that way.  This of course was something all operating on much more of a subconscious level than a conscious strategy.  But I certainly witnessed other girls doing the same, not "stepping forward" in a way that would "intimidate and frighten" boys.  And again, it was just the very conservative, very highly male-dominated environment I grew up in (in my school, boys marched off to the "selecting a career class" while girls congregated in the "learning how to cook and sew class" fer cryin' out loud -- yes, that was how bad it was).  But it is our subconcious that always sabotages us doesn't it?  So if that is the "fear of success" we are talking about, i.e., to, with some duplicity, seek to not "make others uncomfortable" by putting our strengths on too conscipicous display....well, there you are.  Age lessens that of course.  So I certainly do not now have any "fear of success" in operation at all.  But I think it did somewhat retard me in achieving some things earlier in my life, I think.  

Does what I say make sense?  

Edited by CallistoDidNotWin

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Posted (edited)

@CallistoDidNotWin Makes sense to me, as that was my experience as well. 

In addition, I was raised in a household where if I spoke up or showed self-confidence, my dad would question me: Why are you trying to be like a man?

When I did something wrong (as a kid), my dad would chastise me and make me lead the family as a way of punishment. For example, if I did something that upset him and we were in a mall, I’d have to lead the family back out to the car so everyone else would know how stupid I was acting. “To lead” was always a punishment in some way. That kinda thing. 

Things of that nature went on when I was growing up. 

Edited by caliwoman

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3 hours ago, caliwoman said:

Things of that nature went on when I was growing up. 

I'm starting to see a possible connection to your TF.  Often we connect with a person who mirrors our childhood wounds.  Hence the attraction to them. 

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On 3/18/2019 at 3:35 AM, contessmed said:

Have you heard of Imago therapy ? re mirroring childhood wounds ... “ it’s an unconscious image of familiar love” learned in childhood , so we are drawn to the same in hopes of healing wounds ... interesting ...” suggests we choose partners who remind us of our early caregivers - a combination of their good and not so good qualities “ 

oh wow!  No I haven't.  I did look it up though.  I can imagine this being useful for the lady I fell in love with, to help identify what exactly happened (it wasn't true love I'm sure because it was a too far fetched kind of obsession), so yes, I'd like to know why I was attracted to her on a subconscious level.

As opposed to my husband, I'm not feeling the need for therapy, if this makes sense.  Thanks for posting!  I love learning new theories!

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In my early years, I was brought up in an environment of ‘a woman’s place is in the home’ my father restricted any positive achievement for my sister and I. 

I learned more about what my life could have been like after he died, and how restricted we would have been for our futures. 

I have worked very hard in both my professional and home life to get where I am today. There are still so many men out there, and women, who hold the same values I escaped from, sadly my husband included to some extent. Having said that, I no longer let these barriers get in the way, and have learned that I can be the strong independent woman I want to be, however hard the battles may be. 

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