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I read a post in the Welcome Forum by @moonbynight which triggered me (in a reflective way)...

I hope you dont mind me posting it here @moonbynight...

"A lot of it comes down to "where there's smoke, there's fire". People who are truly straight don't experience same-sex attraction, and therefore don't question. So if you're questioning, there's a reason for it.

And when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter. If you think you're bi now, and later decide you were  wrong, it's ok. Changing sexual identification is pretty common - it's an evolving thing, not a label you have to stick with for life."  

When I found myself deeply attracted (obsessed) with a woman, I started to question my orientation.  This was 10 years ago (or there abouts)... and I've yet to experience that pull again.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for the same kind of obsession,  but I am questioning if I'll ever be attracted to a woman like I was her.  Ten years of mental torture and the odd physical experimentation with women... but...

It makes me wonder  if my bi-ness was a one-hit wonder?  

Anyone else found themselves in this situation? 

 

On a different note.  Has anyone experienced asexuality after being obsessed with what appears to be THE one? I went from being straight, to bi (or so I thought), to asexual... although I am starting to [finally] have dreams of having sex with men. 

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"A lot of it comes down to "where there's smoke, there's fire". People who are truly straight don't experience same-sex attraction, and therefore don't question. So if you're questioning, there's a reason for it.

I will quote a line from the movie Ronin

'Whenever there's any doubt, there is no doubt."

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If you turn out that u are the only one that's okay, it just means you unique and unique is a good thing :rolleyes:

Edited by estee

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19 hours ago, these-broken-wings(TBW) said:

I read a post in the Welcome Forum by @moonbynight which triggered me (in a reflective way)...

I hope you dont mind me posting it here @moonbynight...

"A lot of it comes down to "where there's smoke, there's fire". People who are truly straight don't experience same-sex attraction, and therefore don't question. So if you're questioning, there's a reason for it.

And when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter. If you think you're bi now, and later decide you were  wrong, it's ok. Changing sexual identification is pretty common - it's an evolving thing, not a label you have to stick with for life."  

When I found myself deeply attracted (obsessed) with a woman, I started to question my orientation.  This was 10 years ago (or there abouts)... and I've yet to experience that pull again.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for the same kind of obsession,  but I am questioning if I'll ever be attracted to a woman like I was her.  Ten years of mental torture and the odd physical experimentation with women... but...

It makes me wonder  if my bi-ness was a one-hit wonder?  

Anyone else found themselves in this situation? 

 

On a different note.  Has anyone experienced asexuality after being obsessed with what appears to be THE one? I went from being straight, to bi (or so I thought), to asexual... although I am starting to [finally] have dreams of having sex with men. 

It has evolved for me throughout my life and I think this is what is meant by ‘fluid’. We rush to identify ourselves when we are young, grab a partner and say yes this is me and this is who I am. However life is not always that simple. I started off as rampant poly het, then evolved into bi, then for a while thought I was gay, then back to bi. I am contemplating leaving my bi experiences in the past but that doesn’t mean I am gonna jump on a man and say with smugness and relief I am straight. Being one thing or the other is just too rigid for me. I have decided to just go with the flow.

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7 hours ago, these-broken-wings(TBW) said:

I seriously hope I'm not the only one??? Am I??? 

 

Maybe I am :sorry:

As the one who unintentionally instigated this... our experiences are far from identical, but there are still parts I relate to. So no, I doubt you're alone.

Even if she is the only one ever, remember that bisexuality is a spectrum. If you want to call yourself bisexual based on one person, that's still valid. Especially since it sounds like far more than just a passing crush.

Maybe someone else will come along. My crushes have always hit me out of the blue, often when I wasn't looking at all. Or maybe they won't.

I know for me, I have basically no desire to hookup with someone for the sake of experimentation. There has to be some deeper connection. Perhaps not True Love or anything, but something more than just a mutual desire to experiment. So no, I don't think that makes you abnormal at all.

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Thanks ladies! I feel 'not-so-alone' now, even if our stories are completely different. 

Re: experimenting.  Its a tough pill to swallow hearing it like that.  It wasn't easy being swayed to the dark side, lol... it reallly messed with my head big time (finding I was attracted to a woman was one thing, finding the attraction as intense as it was was another).

So in my case, it was a matter of talking it thru with my husband and then looking for a girlfriend of my own.  We decided it was about 'finding TBWs' self-discovery journey and not about questioning my love for my husband.

And then I meet her (another her), but the attraction wasn't as intense.  She wanted to try out her lesbianism on me.  She had been with a lady in her early 20s for a short period before settling down with a man.  Both of us were married.  In short, she wanted to see if she was bi or a lesbian.

Two of us connecting on a physical level and somewhat on an emotional level but definitely not on a spiritual level.  I will always be thankful for the relationship we shared.  She too was thankful. I guess it shows the kind of people we are? We didn't go into the relationship with blindfolds on and we certainly weren't possessive types.

She left her husband not long after we separated as lovers.  We even contemplated moving in together and starting a new life as lesbians.  BUT... we both knew I didn't feel the same strength of desire as I had felt with THE one.

I was lucky I had the opportunity to be with a lovely lady who helped me tremendously and didn't have a jealous bone in her body.  It was a nice gentle loving relationship while it lasted.  She is now living as her true self - a lesbian.

And I've now finally come to the conclusion that I'll never experience the same level of attraction to anyone.  Not even my husband.  

I guess it's one of life's lessons.  But at least I got to experience what it means to feel alive on all levels, simultaneously.  The first woman had my heart, mind and soul.

 

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This happened to me when I was 18 and had a first time sexual attraction towards another girl. we worked in retail together. There was something about her tho lol. I did not think much of it at the time, I was single and thought it was just a way of my body saying I wanted to be intimate with someone. it was interesting lol. she would touch my head and tell me I was so cute, then I would blush. I would later go home and think about her a lot sexually. It didn't last very long, maybe a few weeks or months. I was only at that job for about 8 months. I was back to boys pretty quickly and didn't think about girls at all...never questioned it. maybe found some attractive once or twice after that girls on tv and such. but I never actually acknowledged any of this until I was 30. I am 34 now, so it's still new to me. but thinking back, I would have had some great moments If It was acknowledged at that time. Especially during all those partying days I had where meeting boys at parties and making out...... Man!! LOL!

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@Always_29, you reminded me of something.

I had a huge crush on a girl when I was 14 (far from my first girl crush). Things ended very badly with that, and I basically lost interest in girls after that for the next five years (an eternity when you're a hormonal teenager!)  -  I started identifying as bi at 15 or 16 (when I found out it was  possible), but didn't really crush on a girl again until I went to college. I had even started to think it was a phase I'd grown out of. 

But here I am 25 years later (saying that makes me feel old!), so obviously it wasn't a one-hit wonder. Just one that took a l ong time  to get over.

8 hours ago, these-broken-wings(TBW) said:

And I've now finally come to the conclusion that I'll never experience the same level of attraction to anyone.  Not even my husband.  

I fell for someone who has given the idea of love a whole new meaning for me. I don't know if we'll ever be together - we're both currently in relationships, and I don't know if she even wants anything more than we have now. I also don't know if I'll ever feel the same about someone else, and if I'd be willing to settle for less.

So I do get where you're coming from on that, even if I don't have reason to question my bisexuality.

Edited by moonbynight
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3 hours ago, moonbynight said:

So I do get where you're coming from on that, even if I don't have reason to question my bisexuality.

Aww thanks :air_kiss:

 

For me its about questioning my heterosexuality... am I straighter than I think? 

 

I'm beyond labels now.  Thought I was this, then thought I was that... now I don't care (given I really don't know where I fit).  All I know is, I'm not alone where ever I fit.  Yay ! 

 

Thank goodness for a wonderfully supportive site!

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