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Hi ladies 

A couple quick questions and absolutely no offense to anyone . I am just curious . I tend to get approached  alot on dating apps and hookup sites by couples . I generally depending on the site list I am looking for a female . Nothing about a male mentioned . The couples that write me generally have a very attractive female or lets say my type as far as what turns my head . Single women do you get alot of this also ?  The other question is for married women that are looking for a unicorn ....again no disrespect ...just curious why married woman automatically assume another woman is fine having her husband sit and watch or be involved only in a small way . My thinking is if I want a man its only for one thing lol ....So I am interested in the mind set of a married woman and why there seems to be a wide spread assumption that because a woman is looking for another woman with no mention of a man ...that  they might message and say ...hey here I am but my husband and I are a package deal ....? And if you were the single woman looking would you care if someone else’s husband was in the room watching or participating and would you feel satisfied with that type of sexual experience opposed to a ff experience?

Edited by gwnanc
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This probably won’t help but as a married bi woman i will weigh in.  Conceptually a Unicorn sounds wonderful and in a perfect world all 3 participants will be fulfilled.  

 

For me, I would not want to share.  But I’ve also dug in and did the work and know a threesome for me would not end well.  

I also think many woman who want this experience haven’t taken the time to really know what it is they seek.  Some feel a 3some will “spice it up” while some use “3some” to gather information about their attractions to woman.”  As a married woman the last thing i want to do is Share.  But i also think it is so taboo that married women feel compelled in some way to make their “man” feel less intimidated by the situation.

I also think people are too afraid of the “information” that comes out of the experience...especially the women in the equation & they use their husbands as the crutch or lifeline to explore....

 

There is no way in hell i would want my husband to watch or participate, i could barely handle the request for details when it came down to it.

I think (unfortunately) for you, you need to keep the power of the experience you are seeking and are incredibly selective based on your personal boundaries.

.

 

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As a married bi woman that is experienced and totally into threesomes and has zero qualms about watching, participating, etc., I will say that because there is such a stigma (for lack of a better word at the moment), I would not bother approaching a woman that was seeking a woman only with such a proposition. There are usually options for a woman to indicate she's open to couples, yet it is very common for many couples to ignore it, which I think is really just them being selfish.  I get it - it is very difficult to find a third for a threesome, hence the term unicorn, so couples try and take their chances because really what have they got to lose? One woman says no, they move on until they strike gold. Personally, I'd rather wait until I found a willing partner. 

 

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1 hour ago, pinklotus said:

As a married bi woman that is experienced and totally into threesomes and has zero qualms about watching, participating, etc., I will say that because there is such a stigma (for lack of a better word at the moment), I would not bother approaching a woman that was seeking a woman only with such a proposition. There are usually options for a woman to indicate she's open to couples, yet it is very common for many couples to ignore it, which I think is really just them being selfish.  I get it - it is very difficult to find a third for a threesome, hence the term unicorn, so couples try and take their chances because really what have they got to lose? One woman says no, they move on until they strike gold. Personally, I'd rather wait until I found a willing partner. 

 

Can I ask what it is you personally think you are offering the 3rd in a 3 some. Again just curious the thought process . If I were to say your a attractive couple but why should I take on your proposition.. what would you say ?  And thanks for sharing ladies 

Edited by gwnanc
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From my view, many women want a three-some in an attempt to please their guy so he'll get to be with two girls at once and she oh so selflessly gets to help him fulfill his fantasy. However, usually in that situation, the unicorn ends up being treated like a third wheel by the woman. However...

My answer: you would be given all of the attention and be treated to a session of pampering, passion, and pleasure by both husband and wife. All three of us would coordinate in ways so that no one was left out. At the end, you'd feel both satisfied and appreciated - and hopefully want a repeat experience.

This is how it should be, imo. Unless the third is a hired professional, it really is up to the couple to make the guest in their bed feel like an absolute star, a part of the whole experience and not just another body. Granted, the whole experience is about sex, and maybe even just a one-time experience, but that's no reason it can't be classy, charming, and unforgettable. 

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3 hours ago, pinklotus said:

From my view, many women want a three-some in an attempt to please their guy so he'll get to be with two girls at once and she oh so selflessly gets to help him fulfill his fantasy. However, usually in that situation, the unicorn ends up being treated like a third wheel by the woman. However...

My answer: you would be given all of the attention and be treated to a session of pampering, passion, and pleasure by both husband and wife. All three of us would coordinate in ways so that no one was left out. At the end, you'd feel both satisfied and appreciated - and hopefully want a repeat experience.

This is how it should be, imo. Unless the third is a hired professional, it really is up to the couple to make the guest in their bed feel like an absolute star, a part of the whole experience and not just another body. Granted, the whole experience is about sex, and maybe even just a one-time experience, but that's no reason it can't be classy, charming, and unforgettable. 

So then as I read your response your a full swap couple ..where you enjoy watching your husband please another woman  through penetration also ? I guess I just don't see the allure of a man being in the picture without that ...I have been with many women alone and actually enjoy myself much more in that situation ...that the thought of going for a 3 some again really would have to be worth the time and the couple would have to really make me feel like a star as you say , and have yet to feel that in the situations I have been in . Thanks again for sharing ...

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On 2/14/2019 at 10:36 PM, gwnanc said:

Hi ladies 

A couple quick questions and absolutely no offense to anyone . I am just curious . I tend to get approached  alot on dating apps and hookup sites by couples . I generally depending on the site list I am looking for a female . Nothing about a male mentioned . The couples that write me generally have a very attractive female or lets say my type as far as what turns my head . Single women do you get alot of this also ?  The other question is for married women that are looking for a unicorn ....again no disrespect ...just curious why married woman automatically assume another woman is fine having her husband sit and watch or be involved only in a small way . My thinking is if I want a man its only for one thing lol ....So I am interested in the mind set of a married woman and why there seems to be a wide spread assumption that because a woman is looking for another woman with no mention of a man ...that  they might message and say ...hey here I am but my husband and I are a package deal ....? And if you were the single woman looking would you care if someone else’s husband was in the room watching or participating and would you feel satisfied with that type of sexual experience opposed to a ff experience?

I have had a similar experience of being approached by couples who want a threesome when i was single and i understand it might appeal to some people but does not to me. If it comes out later then i would find that misleading. I did notice an attractive female was featured and she would chat with me first then mention her partner wanted to be part of it. That would come out of nowhere and Id feel kind of led on. Its kind of like your sexual orientation is used to satisfy another's voyeurism. I get that some married women maybe want to please the unicorn by having both her and her husband satisfy her. But surely thats something that the single woman can also get on her own. What if the woman gets happiness just satisfying the woman and giving rather than taking. 

I also think i would feel guilty having physical relations with another's husband even if she is ok with it. I dont think i would enjoy it. I feel like i would just be a notch on that guy's bedpost. I think i would be more comfortable with a threesome with 2 females.  A sexual experience with a random stranger guy is not the same as with a female. That emotional connection is lacking, there are no comparable feelings and the effect on a female seems to be different than a male. 

Sex with males is different to a female and i think my threshold to have sex with a male is higher than with a female. 

I dont know what role a third woman plays in a threesome. Maybe i dont have enough knowledge on this topic. Won't the female felt left out while the couple have their couple moments? Or would the couple just be pleasuring the third woman the whole time? Then what would they get out of it. The wife may be selfless in satisfying her husband through the third woman but what about the third woman's feelings? when its all said and done what if the dynamic changes. what if the 3rd woman develops feelings for the wife. Sometimes you think you won't have emotions but they do develop. If the 3rd woman does develop feelings who does she tell? Would the couple be there for her in the aftermath. 

Maybe people are stronger than me but i don't think i could handle the emotional consequences if i was single

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I think the gender of the participants is hardly the issue, whereas the contention lies with introducing a third to an established relationship. I also don't think that a couple's sexual proclivities are up for debate either. As with any sexual desire, some people enjoy watching their partner engage with others. I would say that the best candidates for three-some are people like this as well as people that don't mind being observed - after all, this type of sex is no longer a 1:1 intimate act. Therefore, it cannot be judged as one.

Further to your point, any time a  person is intimate with another person, there is potential that feelings may become involved - even in your own examples.

I also think that sex with men and women is only different if it's different to you. If you like women more than men, then that will be your lens. I don't think this is true overall as some people are truly able to enjoy each equally.

I think, with regard to your comment about being a notch on the guy's belt, that this is a characteristic of how you feel about men versus women. You don't even consider that you might be just another notch on the woman's belt. Men are not the only people capable of looking at sex as a conquest and it's not a guarantee that all men engaging in threesomes with their wives are after this. Some people truly enjoying sharing.

You ask what happens if the 3rd develops feelings for the wife. I ask: what if she develops feelings for the husband? What if the husband and wife both fall for her? What if the trust between husband and wife grows closer?  What if her sexual confidence grows? So many possibilities exist and there's no way to suppose that you can tell by doing it or avoiding it that any of these things will or won't happen.

The bottom line is that if you have reservations about feeling left out - you haven't found the right couple; if you have reservations or guilt about sleeping with someone else's partner whether male or female, a threesome is not for you. And that's ok.

Threesome (or insert any other multiple here) sex is not for everyone. But neither is bondage, cuckolding, peeing, rimming, or any of the other vast kinks and fetishes out there. 

What you like and don't like is ok, you just have to figure out what your limits are (or aren't!) and adjust your sex life accordingly.

Edited by pinklotus
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I also wanted to add from the other perspective as I've also been the unicorn a few times back in my single days. Having been on the other side, I know what it's like to be in that situation where things have gone really well and other times mediocre. In my personal experience, most of the time, I'd have to lead the session. I didn't mind doing this, personally, but I could see how this would turn off the type of unicorn that wanted to be the center of attention. This is another compatibility dynamic for those considering threesomes. My point in bringing this up is that I think many threesome scenarios that fail when everyone was honestly in at the beginning likely boils down to assumptions about what people think is supposed to happen in a threesome when they lack real experience.

 

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It's called unicorn for a reason. It's usually the man looking for a unicorn, and the woman is usually ambivalent about this. (There are exceptions, but that's a general rule) The question from the perspective of either woman is what's in this for me? Why does the wife want another woman in their bed, fir the unicorn, why do I want to put on a show for another woman's husband when she's probably pretty conflicted about all this anyway.?

So if you go on an app and say that you're looking for another woman, then people may in fact ask you to be their unicorn, because the demand exceeds the supply. MFF threesomes are inherently difficult to set up. The fantasy my be compelling to the people seeking it out, but he/they may not know how to approach someone, or attract someone. So there's a lot of obstacles to making that fantasy happen and to making it work, and that results in unicorn seekers approaching women who have no interest, or not knowing how to approach women who might be. 

If you actually want to be someone's unicorn you'll have no shortage of potential takers, so you can afford to be choosy. Look for people  whom you find attractive, intelligent, and articulate. Look for people who show consideration and politeness in dealing with you, because they're more likely to be safe and discreet, and have realistic expectations.

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I agree with @pinklotus - different people are into different things. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being into threesomes, and someone who is into them isn't necessarily going to be able to explain why any more than someone could explain why they're into BDSM or whatever.

I've met couples where I was into both of them, and would be open to being the unicorn under the right circumstances. But it's not something I'm absolutely dying to do, and would much prefer it develop naturally rather than meeting a couple specifically looking for a threesome on an app or something.

I agree that it's disrespectful for a male/female couple to approach someone who has indicated that they're only interested in women.

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53 minutes ago, Sithandra said:

It's called unicorn for a reason. It's usually the man looking for a unicorn, and the woman is usually ambivalent about this. (There are exceptions, but that's a general rule) 

Interestingly, this has never been my experience and I've had a quite a few threesomes. I've never been approached by a man, always a woman. It was generally the woman's idea in each instance, including threesomes I've had with my own partners where I was the instigator and it was the men who were ambivalent. I just don't think this topic is nearly as cut and dry as that. There are plenty of women like me who like and initiate threesomes and plenty of hetero men who'd rather not participate in a threesome when they are committed (which admittedly, I'm often surprised by). I would say that there's a very wide range between ambivalence and adamance when it comes to who wants this. 

In fact, I think that because of the negative social connotations, likely derived from careless participants, that are placed on threesomes keeps women from being as open about their desire to do it. That is, excluding situations where the woman has issues with jealousy, but then I'd say that type of person wasn't a proper candidate for threesomes anyway. Even here on this board many married bi women are very vocal with their dispassion for threesomes, with a strong preference toward 1:1 encounters with women - yet their stance on infidelity is much more lenient. My point in saying that is to say that people want what they want and unfortunately sometimes something that could otherwise be enjoyable is ruined by the actions of wreckless people. And that the same distaste could happen with any sexual activity, like anal sex. I tried it; wasn't for me. But I wouldn't let my opinion of the activity be the reason someone else shouldn't try it. Some people love it!

 

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8 hours ago, pinklotus said:

I think the gender of the participants is hardly the issue, whereas the contention lies with introducing a third to an established relationship. I also don't think that a couple's sexual proclivities are up for debate either. As with any sexual desire, some people enjoy watching their partner engage with others. I would say that the best candidates for three-some are people like this as well as people that don't mind being observed - after all, this type of sex is no longer a 1:1 intimate act. Therefore, it cannot be judged as one.

Further to your point, any time a  person is intimate with another person, there is potential that feelings may become involved - even in your own examples.

I also think that sex with men and women is only different if it's different to you. If you like women more than men, then that will be your lens. I don't think this is true overall as some people are truly able to enjoy each equally.

I think, with regard to your comment about being a notch on the guy's belt, that this is a characteristic of how you feel about men versus women. You don't even consider that you might be just another notch on the woman's belt. Men are not the only people capable of looking at sex as a conquest and it's not a guarantee that all men engaging in threesomes with their wives are after this. Some people truly enjoying sharing.

You ask what happens if the 3rd develops feelings for the wife. I ask: what if she develops feelings for the husband? What if the husband and wife both fall for her? What if the trust between husband and wife grows closer?  What if her sexual confidence grows? So many possibilities exist and there's no way to suppose that you can tell by doing it or avoiding it that any of these things will or won't happen.

The bottom line is that if you have reservations about feeling left out - you haven't found the right couple; if you have reservations or guilt about sleeping with someone else's partner whether male or female, a threesome is not for you. And that's ok.

Threesome (or insert any other multiple here) sex is not for everyone. But neither is bondage, cuckolding, peeing, rimming, or any of the other vast kinks and fetishes out there. 

What you like and don't like is ok, you just have to figure out what your limits are (or aren't!) and adjust your sex life accordingly.

Probably i shouldnt have assumed that much but i guess it was based on my experiences flirting/being romantic with men vs women. I guess a threesome is something you would do after having enough sexual experience. The couple would also want someone who had the same sexual experience rather than someone new to it.  I think you need enough confidence and comfort to be observed which maybe people new to different sexual experiences may not have

How common is it for the woman in a couple to have 1:1 intimacy with the other woman at some other point?

Having feelings involved is a risk especially if the people involved maintain contact outside of the threesomes

Further to your point, any time a  person is intimate with another person, there is potential that feelings may become involved - even in your own examples.

I would be more comfortable if it was the idea of the woman rather than if it was initiated by the guy because he is  insecure about his wife being involved with a woman on her own. 

It could be that i like women more than men or the men that i have interacted with romantically have not been at the same level as the females. In my personal experience it has been different. In that the individual guys i was with didnt have the same level of emotional connection or as caring or giving. It might also be that I feel that i appeal more to females. Its much easier for me to have a female like and be attracted to me in the way that i want. I also like married women so i know what its like to be sought as a unicorn. They were all long distance so none of them were a real possibility

I guess with the notch on the belt it might be my experience with guys. Even when i talk about the husbands of the women i liked there has been this insecurity, jealousy with mere text messages. There was no idea of a threesome in this case. But im just saying ive noticed this among guys i like who knew i liked a woman. It went ok for a little while but insecurity and jealousy would come up. Then the relationship would fizzle out. It may also happen with women but ive found the women ive been with have been more secure. This might not be common. Personally i dont feel jealous of anyone's husband though they may be for me. I know what i offer and can give is different to what he can. i could be a notch on a woman's belt but the women i get involved with develop a deeper connection to me and we always have that emotional/supportive element. Not so with guys. They can have physical relationships and disappear. Maybe one day i might come across someone truly interested in sharing. Im sure they exist. 

 

The 3rd could develop feelings for the husband but if she develops feelings for the female that would come in the way. She wouldn't want the woman she loves to lose her husband. If they both fall for her they can become a throuple. I can see how a threesome could help a couple and spice up their relationship. Its probably easier if the 3rd is in a relationship so once the experience is over she isn't on her own

Still exploring and deciding my limits. I think im into polyamory. then again i will only know once i explore this. First i have to find what i like and find others who can accept this

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Thankyou all for your input and personal experiences ....its so nice to have a place to share with women that honestly understand  being bi and the different situations we actually live out .

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On 2/16/2019 at 4:42 PM, Rani said:

Having feelings involved is a risk especially if the people involved maintain contact outside of the threesomes

I agree with this.

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On 2/18/2019 at 11:11 AM, pinklotus said:

I agree with this.

its a risk that some people may take and some may not

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