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RadioMouse

Am I strange for wanting to celebrate?

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I've only recently realized/accepted that I'm Bi. And I'm wondering if it's acceptable to sort of just really wanna talk about it to my irl friends. 

I'm asking because when I came out to two of my friends - one straight married female, one gay guy - their reactions were nonchalant. Which is excellent, I certainly don't mean to say I wish they'd given me drama. More so it was a "ok, so what" which kinda felt anticlimactic and somewhat like a brush off. 

I did admit to them that I felt it was a bigger deal than their reactions made it feel like. We had a healthy conversation about the reason they reacted so blazé was because for the straight girl it doesn't affect our relationship in any way and she doesn't see my sexuality as changing me in any way, and for the gay guy because, well, it's been his life to have a different sexual orientation for the longest time. 

So I do get where they're coming from for sure and I don't blame them for their reactions at all. It is definitely the best reaction to hope for. 

But at the same time I do feel like to me it is a big deal. I'm admitting to myself after all these years that both men and women are hot to me. That I can have romantic feelings for both. 

And it feels sort of... I dunno... Lonely and disheartening that my friends so far haven't really celebrated as much as I have about my "new" sexuality. 

Is it weird to want to celebrate this new, uncovered part of who I am? 

I've been asked by my straight friend why I want to talk about it so much and I told her it's because I want to be out to all my friends. They're my chosen family and I want them to know who I am - all of who I am. And my sexuality is definitely a big part of this, because I'm a physical and affectionate person who is open about who she likes or finds attractive. I've always been that way. 

Does anyone else share how I feel? 

Like, I don't need a big ass party, but I want at least for my coming out to garner a "Hey, thanks so much for trusting me with this and I'm so happy for you for coming out". Thanks, ladies. 

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Definitely just started admitting to myself and have that loneliness, except I am not really ready for most of the world to know. I feel like I have no one to talk to but my therapist and husband and I don’t want to burden them or just have all of my sessions be about this, but I only want certain people to know lol 

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@KayB Big hugs, hon. 

I hear you on not wanting to feel like a burden. It's one of my reasons why I don't wanna talk to my gay friends about this. 

Though don't feel guilty about this being your focus with your therapist. I went to my psychologist for a year about anxiety issues and when this came up we switched focus to it for a few sessions and it really helped. 

Don't forget, you're paying your therapist. You're paying for help, but they won't be able to help you if you don't open up about your problems to them. :)

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Yeah I know, there’s just plenty of other stuff to work out too haha. She’s been great though, she’s helped me through a lot and having that sound board is really helpful 

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@RadioMouse to answer your main point, is it strange to want to celebrate?

No, I don't think it is. It's part of you and a very personal aspect of you. So go ahead and feel good about it. I'm not saying you should celebrate by holding a party, but hey it's better than bottling it up inside and living a lie to everybody that you befriend.

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21 hours ago, RadioMouse said:

Like, I don't need a big ass party, but I want at least for my coming out to garner a "Hey, thanks so much for trusting me with this and I'm so happy for you for coming out".

Absolutely...and you should definitely have a big ass party! (It's a huge thing and really should be celebrated.)

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Ha ha, thanks, ladies. 

I'm actually having a mini party with the DnD group I DM for. The straight girl I mentioned in my op is one of three players, her husband and twin sister are the other two. She's making me lemon bars and I'm making curry for us all. 

I've been debating having a bit of a party, since there's a few friends and cousins I wanna tell, but I don't want the first mention to be at a party. If I end up coming out to them all, I'll probs organize something. 

And thank you again. I don't feel so weird now. :)

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23 hours ago, RadioMouse said:

I've only recently realized/accepted that I'm Bi. And I'm wondering if it's acceptable to sort of just really wanna talk about it to my irl friends. 

I'm asking because when I came out to two of my friends - one straight married female, one gay guy - their reactions were nonchalant. Which is excellent, I certainly don't mean to say I wish they'd given me drama. More so it was a "ok, so what" which kinda felt anticlimactic and somewhat like a brush off. 

I did admit to them that I felt it was a bigger deal than their reactions made it feel like. We had a healthy conversation about the reason they reacted so blazé was because for the straight girl it doesn't affect our relationship in any way and she doesn't see my sexuality as changing me in any way, and for the gay guy because, well, it's been his life to have a different sexual orientation for the longest time. 

So I do get where they're coming from for sure and I don't blame them for their reactions at all. It is definitely the best reaction to hope for. 

But at the same time I do feel like to me it is a big deal. I'm admitting to myself after all these years that both men and women are hot to me. That I can have romantic feelings for both. 

And it feels sort of... I dunno... Lonely and disheartening that my friends so far haven't really celebrated as much as I have about my "new" sexuality. 

Is it weird to want to celebrate this new, uncovered part of who I am? 

I've been asked by my straight friend why I want to talk about it so much and I told her it's because I want to be out to all my friends. They're my chosen family and I want them to know who I am - all of who I am. And my sexuality is definitely a big part of this, because I'm a physical and affectionate person who is open about who she likes or finds attractive. I've always been that way. 

Does anyone else share how I feel? 

Like, I don't need a big ass party, but I want at least for my coming out to garner a "Hey, thanks so much for trusting me with this and I'm so happy for you for coming out". Thanks, ladies. 

You should have a party and celebrate it in a big way. Tell them its a new stage in your life. Your post acceptance stage. 

I would also recommend bi meetups. Might be going to one today. It helps and you meet a lot of amazing people :)

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I'm definitely going to look up if there's any bi meetups. I'm a little scared but we all start somewhere, right? 

Thanks, Rani! 

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Find some bi folks to come out to! I think they will understand more!

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I felt the same, it was such a big deal to me and the reaction was underwhelming.  I suppose that's better than the reaction being shock/disgust/mockery.  When I acknowledged being bi it was like a missing piece of my life fell into place.  Suddenly all sorts of things in my past made sense.  I keep having "oh of course" moments.  People who haven't had this sort of awakening don't get it.

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