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Slim

Secret Encounters

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have you ever wanted an undercover sexual relation with a female? where do you start? how do you find somone who feels the sme way? down low sex...

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No, I never wanted a secret affair, not with a woman, not with a man. The idea of a secret affair never appealed to me.

If I fall in love, I want to be open about it, tell others, enjoy what I have in the open. I want to walk hand in hand, go out together, meet with my friends as well as her friends... And even if it's not love but just sex, I still want to be able to talk about it with others. Hiding would make me feel bad.

 

May I ask why a secret affair appeals to you?

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I am going to go out on a limb here and reveal something very personal that I am not proud of.

 

My first marriage was not sexually satisfying. For many, many years I brushed off the importance of it because I loved him. I mean everything else was great, I couldn't expect perfection, right? Well, advance 12 years. My marriage was on the rocks and one drunken halloween night another man kissed me. It brought back all the feelings I had been missing in my marriage: just feeling wanted again. Anyway, I stopped the kiss and went home. I thought about it for days. Finally, I sat down with my then husband and told him I needed something to change. He told me there was nothing he could do for me, it was his problem and I had to deal.

 

I had been a stay at home mom for ten years, my marriage had been declining for a few years, we had three children, and I was scared to leave. So I had an affair. It took a horrible emotional and psychological toll. I could not deal with the sneaking around and I told him. The pain I caused him was unforgivable. I should have ended the marriage first. Sneaking around can only cause pain in the long run.

 

Now, I would never dream of having a secret like that. My current husband and I live from a place of complete transparency. Sometimes, it can hurt, but never as much as a betrayal of trust would. I, too, am curious why you want a secret affair?

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I agree with these lovely ladies. Nothing good can come of it and it only causes hurt and anger in the end for everyone involved. I had a not so proud moment myself with my husband and it was not worth the deceit and lying. If you can't be open and honest with your partner then I think there are problems there you need to focus on between the two of you

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I myself have been married for 20 years. I couldn't have a secret encounter as I would feel so guilty by going behind my husband's back. I even feel guilty being on this site without my husband knowing but I had to speak to people who understand the feelings I am going through. It has been a relief being able to talk about my feelings & hopefully through time I hope to tell my husband my feelings. :)

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Marriage aside, for those of us who are not married, frankly I would love to have a secret affair with someone I know from work.

The appeal would be exactly the fact that is secretive, just the two of us and nobody else would need to know about it.

She's my nemesis.

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Marriage aside, for those of us who are not married, frankly I would love to have a secret affair with someone I know from work.

The appeal would be exactly the fact that is secretive, just the two of us and nobody else would need to know about it.

She's my nemesis.

 

Now, under those conditions.... Lol

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Now, under those conditions.... Lol

 

what do you mean ?

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what do you mean ?

 

Oh sorry, I meant that the situation you described does rather sound like it could be fun. No offense meant. I guess we tend to respond to posts like this initially from our own circumstances, in my case, as a married woman. I can totally see, how as a single woman, there could be an excitement in that situation. :)

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Hmm secret encounters....

 

Not really. Apart from anything else, I am the world's worst liar. I can understand the thrill some people get from it, but I am the type of girl who'd never consider it and if I did, I'd be riddled with guilt, and I don't deal with guilt very well lol x

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I for one am not for secret encounters. Hubby and I are very open and honest with each other. He is fully aware of all of my encounters.

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Hehheh Craigslist lol Plenty of people post there for that sort of thing, if you're interested. Or similar site.

 

I personally, have a very open relationship so all encounters, are related back to my fiance. I don't know how I'd feel all that much with say being with a married woman if it were discreet. I suppose I'd feel somewhat bad about it, not as bad if it just happened more "naturally". If she's single and just wants discreet encounters, because maybe she's not out or whatever, wouldn't bother me as much, because my sex life doesn't need to involve others (with the exception of my fiance). And I am capable of having purely sexual encounters.

 

I think a scenario like Lionheart described is very appealing. I could have secret encounters in terms of say family, friends, co workers etc wouldn't know I'm engaging in certain relations with certain people. When I was in university some of my encounters were probably a little on the discreet side. But my fiance still knew about them, as I said. There is certainly some appeal in the notion of doing things others might "frown upon." I just wouldn't want to put myself in a situation that would cause a lot of drama for myself or others. And y'know sometimes possessive guys (and/or women) who grow suspicious may try to catch their cheating other in the act, and that wouldn't be a very swell situation to be in either. So, yeah just if that's a route one wants to take, they should exercise quite a bit of caution. I understand the appeal and thrill that some can present, but not something I would want to make a habit out of nor would I really go out of my way to pursue :)

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I am going to go out on a limb here and reveal something very personal that I am not proud of.

 

My first marriage was not sexually satisfying. For many, many years I brushed off the importance of it because I loved him. I mean everything else was great, I couldn't expect perfection, right? Well, advance 12 years. My marriage was on the rocks and one drunken halloween night another man kissed me. It brought back all the feelings I had been missing in my marriage: just feeling wanted again. Anyway, I stopped the kiss and went home. I thought about it for days. Finally, I sat down with my then husband and told him I needed something to change. He told me there was nothing he could do for me, it was his problem and I had to deal.

 

I had been a stay at home mom for ten years, my marriage had been declining for a few years, we had three children, and I was scared to leave. So I had an affair. It took a horrible emotional and psychological toll. I could not deal with the sneaking around and I told him. The pain I caused him was unforgivable. I should have ended the marriage first. Sneaking around can only cause pain in the long run.

 

Now, I would never dream of having a secret like that. My current husband and I live from a place of complete transparency. Sometimes, it can hurt, but never as much as a betrayal of trust would. I, too, am curious why you want a secret affair?

I agree with these lovely ladies. Nothing good can come of it and it only causes hurt and anger in the end for everyone involved. I had a not so proud moment myself with my husband and it was not worth the deceit and lying. If you can't be open and honest with your partner then I think there are problems there you need to focus on between the two of you

 

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt and threw it away. Been on both sides actually and had both shirts. Would never do that again. Not fair to me, my husband, my affair partner, or my kids. In addition to all of that, I am a touchy feelly person with those I am really close to. So to have an intimate encounter/ relationship with another person, I know that I would develop feelings for that person and want to show my affection openly when we are together.

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I can't keep a secret from Mr.Pants ever, its hard enough not telling him what I've got for his birthday, so thats a no for me.

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Personally I couldn't do it if you love someone ie your husband or wife why would you want someone else? You obviously can't love your spouse at all!

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Personally I couldn't do it if you love someone ie your husband or wife why would you want someone else? You obviously can't love your spouse at all!

 

Maybe she means her husband doesn't approve of her bi-sexuality and she has thought of doing it in secret? Still loving her husband though.

 

I personally wouldn't like that, things come back and bite you on the ass so it wouldn't be worth it. I'd rather suffer going through the shit of telling my partner about my feelings than just going ahead and doing it behind his back xx

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Yes but either way if you loved someone could you really want to do it in secret??

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Yes but either way if you loved someone could you really want to do it in secret??

 

Yes I think you could in certain predicaments, loving her man for what he is but him not accepting of her desires for woman might just push a woman to do it in secret, doesn't mean she would love her husband any less but as I said above I couldn't do it, my OH knows about my feelings so if i said such and such is hot and I'm going to ask her if she wants to be in me bed he would be ok with it as long as I told him and didn't lie about it which is the way it should be but I can understand how people would xx

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interesting debate ladies, i think many of us on this site would love to be open, but for various reasons have chosen to only share our feelings in "protected environments"- the real issue is the openess of your relationship with OH/DH.

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interesting debate ladies, i think many of us on this site would love to be open, but for various reasons have chosen to only share our feelings in "protected environments"- the real issue is the openess of your relationship with OH/DH.

 

Definitely xx

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'down low sex' - love that term.

Well my answer is no, I am not married but have a boyfriend of 7 years and felt I had to tell him even when I thought I was bisexual, having an affair itself I could not dream of hiding from him.

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As with the ladies, the answer is no. I try to live mine as direct and as straightforward as i can. Too many bends in the road will cause an accident.

 

Once you start a lie, you keep needing more layers to cover up.

 

The cliche thing to say is you will end up hurting all parties. But the cold truth is that you will end up hurting yourself the most.

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The whole reason I told my Hubby was because i wanted to be open and honest with him and if I did have any sort of relationship with a girl I wanted him to know so that there was no secrecy. That is the only thing I disagree with when it comes to extra marital encounters. If you are keeping it a secret then you have no respect for your other half. If they know, agree and perhaps you are both even open to something with someone else then I do not see that as a problem.

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To the OP,

 

I did have a sexual relationship with a woman on the down-lo. I couldn't talk to my DH because he is anti-gay. I approached it with him and even told him directly that I am bi-sexual. He doesn't understand it and doesn't want to discuss it. I'm not proud of what I did at all. I will always love my husband and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I discovered this bisexual part of me a few years into our marriage and it was by accident. I was drunk in a hot tub with 2 girls from work, and was seduced by them both at the same time. I enjoyed it very much but it confused me to no end. I also became very addicted to what they could do with me and I to them that wasn't possible with my DH.

Over time it passed and it stopped. Like I said I did get the courage to try and tell him I was bi, but it was shot down completely. He won't discuss it. He won't watch movies with that in it, nothing.

I'm here to learn, vent, and try to be understood. I haven't a real life soul in my life that would appear interested in talking to me. The ex-gf's moved on. One became jealous and the other I suspect found a younger version of me, but hey she was 10 years older than I was and I liked it, but it was probably time to move on and forget about it.

I never got caught. I don't know if I'll ever tell him at this point. But I hope I can find the courage to try again and talk to my DH for some understanding.

I probably don't deserve it, as it appears what I have done is absolutely appalling. But I am still the loving wife that gives him everything I can. And the sex with him is still quite good! But it's not the same thing.

I don't know if my rambling will help you decide what is right for you, but at least know that I've been there, and have no judgement. My advise is be very careful!

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