Jaguar

Rape

182 posts in this topic

I've just read the story of Shybi Ambercat's rape experience and survival and moving on with her life beyond the rape. And it got me wondering how many women here experience invasive unwanted violence at the hands of men or women.

 

My thread is certainly not to knock the whole male species it's just to give us a chance to tell our stories if we wish to, and therefore do just a little bit more to put the horror into the daylight and to hopefully relieve some of the negative emotions left over by the experiene as we use the re-telling to show ourselves and the world that we've survived, we're strong enough to survive, to love again, to have sex again, to get on with our lives and strong enough to let our stories help others. :grin:

 

(I'll be back in a while to post my story). :wub::D

Edited by 121123jaguar
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Ok well I'll start this off.

 

I was raped when I was 15. I'd been seeing this guy (who I'll admit I met on the internet) for about a week or so. I'd been speaking to him for a month or two before hand, and you know how some people can come across on the internet, as charming people who you really feel you can trust. My first warning came when I found out he was 21, but to be honest, I was so young and niaeve that didn't really make a lot of difference to me. In fact I was excited because up until that moment I hadn't really had that much male attention, and to find out that some charming guy who was older than me was actually interested in me just made me so happy that someone actually cared.

 

He came round to mine one evening and only stayed for an hour or so, before going back out to the pub. I should have realised then that he was trouble. All he talked about was sex, and a lot of the comments he made seem very perverted when I think back about them now, in fact they make me want to be sick.

 

So he left and then called me about 10 minutes after saying 'you do like me, dont you???' And of course, I was just a hormonal teenager so I was excited that he liked me that I didn't really care how I felt about it, in fact it didn't really even come into it.

 

The day it happened was the day of my last GCSE exam. I caught the train down to his and walked round to his house. I don't really know what my intentions were to be honest, I was a mixed bag of emotions I guess. So I went there, and he was quite forceful with me, and to start with I wasn't really bothered, but then he started taking it further. I tried to stop him, but because he was so much bigger than me, I didn't stand a chance. He put a pillow over my head because he said he 'didn't want to have to look at my face', and carried on. I really didn't know what else to do, I was pretty much paralysed in fear.

 

As soon as it was over, I got dressed and left. I have to admit I felt totally sick to my stomach, but I had to carry my life on, I felt like I couldn't let my mother know because I felt ashamed of myself, and I knew that what I had been through was hell, and I didn't want to ever put any of my family through hearing any of what had happened to me. So I've kept it pretty much under wraps, in fact this is the first time I've really ever told the whole story and I have to say I feel great to get it off my chest.

 

 

OK, as if that wasn't enough, unfortunately I went through nearly the same thing again just before christmas this year. I'm sorry this is such a long post but I really feel the need to get this off my chest.

 

I was again seeing someone, but this was someone I had met at college. I have to admit, he seemed like the kind of geeky type, didn't seem like the type to hurt anyone.

 

But I was at the Student Union with some of my friends, and I have to admit, I was extremely drunk. I'd already told all my friends that I didn't want to sleep with this guy, because he was going off to France, and I didn't really like him enough. So when I told them (whilst drunk) I was getting him to come and visit me when I got home, they tried to stop me. But from my drunken point of view, it seemed like a good idea, because I knew I'd need someone to look after me.

 

So I went home, and pretty much passed out on my bed. The next thing I knew, my flatmates had let him into my room. I had been sick, but not enough to sober me up, so pretty soon I was passed out on my bed again. I must have slept for about 5 minutes, but the next thing I know is he's on top of me, and just about to have sex with me, even though I was totally passed out. I pushed him off because luckily I was sober enough to realise what he was doing. I threatened to get my flatmates, and slept on the floor. He left first thing next morning and I've never spoken to him again.

 

What I have been through, I'd never wish on anyone, and maybe just pretending it didn't happen wasn't the best way to deal with it, but its the way I chose at the time.

 

You can get through experiences like this, and I have to say I think it has made me a much stronger person, but it can also destroy your confidence in people.

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I was raped when I was 19, I'm now 45 but still a part of my history I don't talk about or only to a rare few, why? Why do I stay silent? Why do I hear others women's stories and stay silent about my own? Why do I think that talking about it would be better than hiding it? By not disclosing this peice of history am I hiding or am I making a wieghed up choice not to give this bit away? Why is it so important not to give it away?

 

I could go on asking question after question, most of which I could probably have a stab at answering, but that doesn't mean my answer given today would be valid tomorrow ... I may well wake up in a different mood than I'm now in and see the world and my place in it differently. (That wouldn't be hard it's the 1st day of my period - the grottiest day of the month for me, and I've just burnt my pizza).

 

I was living in rented single room, my friend and her boyfreind were living in the room upstairs and there was M (I'll just use his initiall, I won't give him a name, cos I still have a grief reaction to this name and I wouldn't want to pass on any negative energy to other M's via women here - see how the hurt lingers in small ways). M rented a room just down the corridor from me, I knew him a little, didn't really like him, thought him a bit of a sleaze, but he could also be a bit of a laugh.

 

I'd got drunk that night, I was in a depressed, lonely and unhappy phase of my life right then and that day the family dog had got run over and killed. My freind helped me back from the pub and put me to bed, with no en suite facilities she had to leave my door unlocked. M had seen/heard us and when my friend went to bed he came into my room and raped me. It wasn't violent but it was forced and unwanted and I remember clearly saying/crying repeatedly no and go away.

 

He didn't get arrested, nothing happened because I couldn't / wouldn't do anything. I was to unhappy and depressed to begin with to even think of being corageous and assertive enough like informing the police. I did confront him though and he just laughed and said it was my word against his. About 6 years later I got to a place where I told my GP who sent me for rape counselling and following that I reported the rape to the police. That was by then easy, it was for me just a phone calll though I could have gone into the station, I knew even before the policewoman told me that there wasn't anything they could with my allegation, and we both knew that wasn't the point of me reporting it now.

 

That's my story ...... I have a sporadic (but then I'm not in a relationship right now) sex life and such as it is I enjoy it whole heartedly and with gusto. Control issues are emotive for me and it's very important for me that I'm given the opportunity to consent verbally or by my level of enthusiasm to each sex act. One of my biggest fears is being with woman or man and waking up to find them believing they were waking up in a sexily appropriate way by starting before I've woken so I wake to find them pleasuring me .... that wouldn't be a pleasure, that lack of control and consent.

 

How do I feel now having told my story? - stronger, more open, more in control of my emotions about this (what's to control when you hide) and pleased with myself.

 

This is just what it is .... that makes sense to me.

Edited by 121123jaguar
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I think I speak for many of the women on shybi's ...

 

I feel very humble that so many of the girls on here and on some of the other threads have told us of their appalling experiences. :grin: :( :wub::D:D I would hug each and every one of you :D

 

Lily xxxxx

Edited by LilythePink
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thank you lily, I must admit it feels like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders now all my feelings about what happened are out in the open somewhat.

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I was raped when I was 16 yrs old by a 26yr old...He was my "boyfriend" at the time...We had went fishing one early morning and because the fish werent biting we came back to town and went to the house he was staying at...We laid down on the floor and I promptly went to sleep laying on his chest...The next thing I know he was on top of me....He had ahold of my wrists and told me to shut up or he would hurt me even worse...I was so scared I just laid there till he finished...Afterwards he kissed me on the cheek and said that it was great...All I could do was curl up into a ball and cry..I finally got dressed and got the hell out of there..He left town that nite early morning...A week later I went to the Health dept and found out he had giving me a STD...I tried to tell my mom but she wouldnt believe me...She told me I got what I deserve...A little over a month later I realized I was preg...The part that Im most ashamed about is I caused myself to have a miscarriage...

 

This is so hard to talk about...No one ever knew that part...Because I was so ashamed...I know now that Im older that the rape wasnt my fault...But still deep down I wonder...I was only 16 and didnt realize anything...My hubby knows about the rape but not the miscarriage...:blink:...

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Wylde none of us were to blame ... not then not ever ... when you say no ... that's it that means no ... you don't want it .... rape is not a matter of choice ...

 

I was niave (sp) young woman, I was lonely and depressed ... I'd laughed and joked and been in M's room while he gave himself a handjob ... and after my rape .... I faced the wall and cried and then a moment later looked at him ...... ever since then I've been telling myself these facts don't make me responsible for what happened.

 

So I'm telling me and you and anyone else who needs to hear it .... we're not responsible for being raped.

 

My thoughts and best wishes go to you and heavenly ... and lots of thanks to Lilly.

 

:blink:

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i am lucky enough to never have been through this but i really feel for you girls who have and thankyou for being so brave and telling others your story. :D no women arent to blame you didnt ask them to do it..who would. :D i hope it made you all stronger mentally than the man who was pathetic and weak enough to do something so bad. :blink:

 

love to you all :dance:

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<_< I am so sorry that you girls had to go through such horrible experiences. My love goes out to you all and as Lily said along with all the love of your Shy sisters. It is never your fault when such a thing happens, no matter what age you are it is a unwanted act.

 

Wilde don't blame yourself for the miscarriage, it was what you needed to do and no one can blame you for it.

 

Remember ladies we are strong and can conquer anything that strikes us as long as we stand together. :hiya: :D

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It truly is a f*cked up world when women (or any victim of rape) are somehow "trained" (as in, "what did I do/ could I have done to prevent this) to take the blame for the sickness of the perpetrator.

 

My own teenaged brother tried this when I was only 7 or 8. Luckily, he did stop, but threatened to tell our mom it was me who started it. Naturally, being that young, I said nothing. It destroyed our relationship forever, of course...

 

Very brave of you all to post on such an important topic...& thanks to Jag for starting this thread...

 

Candy

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I haven't shared this with many people, but seeing the other ladies stories helps me to realize that I'm not the only one. For a long time I didn't consider this rape, because it wasn't the stereotype. It took me years to realize that it wasn't my fault and it was wrong. It really strips you down to your barest emotions. I felt so dirty, cheap, and insignificant. It is still hard to this day to deal with some of the emotions.

The first time I was 14. I lived in a house converted into 2 apts. It was summer so the people from the upstairs apt and their friends as well as my family and friends spent most days and nights hanging out on the front porch. I knew most of the guys fairly well, I thought. ONe day one of the guys brothers or cousin came over. He had a motorcycle. I love motorcycles and wanted a ride on one. I'll call the man F. F said that he had to run home to get something and I could ride with. It was only about 6 blocks away. I was nervous about the whole situation. I asked the other guys if this was an ok thing for me to do. I wanted to make sure that I would be safe. I was assured that things would be fine. So I went for the ride. When we got to his house, I was going to wait outside. He said that I should come in, because it would take him a couple of minutes to find what he needed. I thought well ok since the other guys said I would be ok. I was very trusting at the time. After we got inside somehow we ended up in the bedroom, I don't recall how or why I was in that room. He then tried to kiss me and I pushed him away and said that I didn't want anything from him. I just wanted a ride on his bike. I tried to walk out of the room. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. He started to fondle me all over. I told him no and tried to leave again. He then pushed me back on the bed. I told him no and to let me up. He kept saying that I wanted to or I wouldn't have come with him. He was laying on me and touching me. I kept telling him I didn't want to. Every time I tried to get up he pushed me back to the bed. At this point I just gave up. I let him take off my pants and I just laid there still as he had what he wanted. I felt like it would be better for me to just let him do it, instead of struggling and possibly getting hurt. And if I got hurt how would I explain that to people. When he was done, I pulled up my pants and he took me home. I didn't cry on the way back, because I didn't want to show him how that had affected me. When I got home I showered and cried in there so no one else would see. I didn't think it could have been called rape, because eventually I had let him. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized what had happened was rape.

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First of all before I gush away, sorry I'v been neglecting you all, I'm still here and love you.

 

This is a hard story for me to tell, seems I was so young I'v only recently come to terms with this and only a few months ago shared it with my familly. At the age of 5 through to the age of around 14, I was used as a sexual item by my step dad, he wasn't the only one either, there was my brother's friend and also a boy who lived not far from us. When I was growing up I thought it was normal for that kind of thing to happen, it was only in my later years I figured out what was going on...needless to say it messed me up, I was terrified of telling my mum as she still lives with him.

But thanks to my younger sisters I had to tell my mum, he still lives with my mum but she refuses to share a bed with him. I thought she'd hate me, but all her blame was for him and herself. He makes me sick to my stomach, but I put on a brave face for my mum.

To this day I can never figure out why he did what he did, I had no way of defending myself, and even now I'm weak where sex is concerned and will give in even if I don't want the sex....How can anyone do that to a child? I'v blocked the memories from my head so alot of my younger years I can't really remember...it's sad but it's how I cope with it.

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I'v blocked the memories from my head so alot of my younger years I can't really remember...it's sad but it's how I cope with it.

 

Hello TayTay, :D

 

thank you for sharing your story .... as we all are so are you very brave to let others in and see what goes on out there .... lets hope our stories encourage others to be brave and know that it's never ever ever our fault and give blame back where it lies .....

 

I truly believe that our brains only let us recalll what we can cope with, if memories come back slowly that's not a sad fact honey that's your brain protecting you ... letting you get strong before giving you a bit more to cope with ....

 

love and hugs .... :D :grin:

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For Foxy & Ta-

 

So very sorry for these horrible experiences...It's just unreal how many have been taken advantage of this way...Not really a consolation, but you do have commrades/others & place to share this with, at any rate...

 

Ta- your mother has her own demons- they aren't yours. She is a co-dependant/enabler w/obvious self-esteem issues. No doubt she loves you, but is damaged to the point that she would allow such a thing. I always find it difficult to believe when something like this goes on for years & the spouse claims not knowing about it.

 

How you cope is your own choice- as long as it works for you.

 

Foxy- allowing the assault, because you feared physical abuse, is not permission, in any way...

 

TY for sharing your stories,

 

Candy

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Wow, the stories of the girls here make me so sad and so proud at the same time.

 

It makes me so sad and angry that we live in a world with such pathetic selfish people who take what they want without regard for anyone.

 

But on the other hand, the fact that you've all overcome what was done to you, and that you're brave enough to share it... well, that makes me damn proud of being a woman. Hugs all around :grin:

Edited by Dissolved Girl
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Some of you are strong enough and find it a help to share your storys here while it is most likely that we have girls amongst us who don?t feel ready or for other reasons won?t do so! My heart goes to each and everyone on this site who have been melested one way or another :D

 

For us fortunate enough not to have experienced such a traumatic thing as a rape, sometimes even ongoing for years, there is very little we can do! We can be here, we can listen and we can try to be as kind and good friends as possible :D

 

B :D

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I've been thinking about starting a topic like this for a while, but didnt really want to bring it up. I've never been raped but my bestfriend was just raped by one of our "friends" and she blames a lot of it on herself. He is a skeezy bastard who she knew I didnt approve of in the first place and I think that is part of the reason that after it happend she was so ashamed. She felt like I would say "i told ya so" or something, which of course I never would, and just because I thought he was a jerk to start off with doesn't make it so that she was "asking" for any of this. Anyways, he was a friend that we'd have for years, and she'd always had a little crush on him. They fooled around a few times and the last time he decided he wanted more and pinned her and forced himself inside of her, he stopped just a moment later, but the damge was done. He forced her to give him head until he finished, and it's because she went through with this act that she blames herself and isn't sure if it was rape or not. In her mind there is a lot of grey area with this situation, but to me, once you say no, it's rape. She told the police and they scoffed at her when she said she didnt kick or scream or anything. But like many of you, she was too stunned and scared to kick or scream. When she submitted her case to the attorney to see if they would take it, they never called her back. It's frustrating because it's like she didnt get raped enough for anyone to care. She's going to group therapy now to cope with it, but I can tell that a peice of her has changed since the rape. :D As a friend, what can we do to help? Anyone have any advice?

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She's going to group therapy now to cope with it, but I can tell that a peice of her has changed since the rape. :D As a friend, what can we do to help? Anyone have any advice?

 

Hi kgalmiche .... your freind has shown so much courage in taking forward her rape and trying to get justice .... she has my awe and respect. When you say she's changed, yes she has, her self worth has been damaged ... she has enough though to go out and bang on doors. In my opinion she needs whatever time she needs to heal, this won't be linear probably straight from where she is now to better (whatever that means in this case).

 

Actually I suppose thats a good question, what does better mean in this case? When you say what can you do ..... what comes to mind is that you need to 'read' her needs on a daily basis (or whenever you see her). Her needs will change, sometimes she might want to talk, sometimes to hide, or cry or shout, sometimes she'll just want everyone to get on with their lives so that she doesn't feel responsible for others being put out, ..... just being there, not avoiding the word rape (if that is a word she is using, I suspect she is .... don't force her .... just calmly create the right environments so that she can come to her own healing.

 

If it's not totally out of your usual range of activites I'd see if you can go with her to activities where your bodies are providing pleasure or being pleasure ..... I mean do physical things like swimming, getting massages, going jogging, going dancing etc...

 

I hope some of this gives you ideas .... :D

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While reading the posts, I debated back and forth whether to tell my story. I don't think I've even confronted it all at one time, but something burns in me to finally let it meet the light of day so maybe just maybe the burden won't be so hard to bear.

 

 

For the longest time I thought I was a molestor magnet. Did I have the words MOLEST ME!! tattooed on my forhead? They just seemed to flock to me. It wasn't until I was older that I learned that the really good molestors learn to read which kids to go after, the really bad molestors are the ones who don't read kids right...they tell a responsible grown up and the molestor goes to jail. I was the picture perfect victim. It was ingrained from me from the beginning not to tell, no one would believe me. I also didn't want to tell because I do remember getting some physical pleasure from it. I thought I was this horrible sick person who got pleasure, so I must be asking for it. Again I learned when I got older that this was a normal physical reaction to what was being done to me, but it wasn't my fault that the perpetrators did it. The only real regret I have to this day is that I did not have the courage to say something to my mother earlier. I know now that she would have believed me and would have done everything in her power to protect me and my sister. I regret not believing and trusting in my mom.

 

Some of you may ask how could she not know what was happening. I can only say that the abuse occurred mainly when she was not around. In the middle of the night, while visiting legal dad on weekends, at a friends house, etc. After the divorce she was a single mom trying to finish nursing school and working to support her 2 daughters, she was too busy to notice and we weren't telling either. The moment she did find out though, she became the mama bear and went to all lengths to protect us and help us.

 

Finally, everything all out at once, everyone please excuse my while I take a shower to make myself feel clean again.

 

Edited to remove the particulars of my story. I just didn't feel like it needed to be up any longer.

Edited by Sam02
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Ohh Sam...Honey my heart goes out to you...There is nothing I can say that will take away the pain of all that but just know that you have my love...:D :D...The people who did this to you should be strung up by rusty nails and shot!!...I dont know what to say except we are here for you...:D :D :D

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Some of you may ask how could she not know what was happening. I can only say that the abuse occurred mainly when she was not around. In the middle of the night, while visiting legal dad on weekends, at a friends house, etc. After the divorce she was a single mom trying to finish nursing school and working to support her 2 daughters, she was too busy to notice and we weren't telling either. The moment she did find out though, she became the mama bear and went to all lengths to protect us and help us.

 

Finally, everything all out at once, everyone please excuse my while I take a shower to make myself feel clean again.

 

Hi Sam,

 

What a horrendous thing to happen to you- over & over...I hate it...

 

Obviously, if your mother was not around, at all during this, she probably didn't know. You were the victim only, guilty of nothing except being a child... I hope unloading this story helps in some small way,

 

Candy

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Hi Sam :D:D:D

 

I'm very very sad that you went through all this it's so horrible and awful, my heart goes out to you honey ..... the perpetrators are rats, predatory sick scum who spread fear and unhappiness inside them.

 

I hope telling your story helps bring you some relief, it certainly brings this Shybi's good thoughts and best wishes, hugs and smiles. Be good to yourself Sam :D:D

 

 

I don't know if this will resonate with you, wether you think in terms of energy that humans give off .... but here's what someone once told me to do to help me react with less unhappiness or fear towards certain indivduals. I was told to sit and just imagine in my minds eye a small small room made entirely of mirrors even the floor and the ceiling and inside of door is made of mirrors, then place the scumbag rat into the centre of this room and lock it's door .... now inside the mirrored cell their negative destructive energy will now be reflected straight back at them and they have no where to hide, nowhere to get away from thier own nastiness. From the outside of this room, paint the outside black so you can't see in through any cracks in the mirrors silver and no light gets into the room. Now in your minds eye you can shrink the room to a very small size and place in some out of the way alley behind a giant locked door ..... the only limitations of what we do with these rooms are the limitations of our own imaginations.

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I was raped at a very young age. I started to develope young so I looked older then I was. When I was rape I truley didn't know what was going on. At that time in my life my parents had not even explained to me what sex really was. Don't get me wrong I had my ideas and what was said about it in school. But it was yet to be expained properly.

 

At the time my parents and I lived in a trailer park in North Carolina. The park had a small convience store right in front of it and woods completely around the park and across the street. When I was younger I did some modeling and had just gotten home from a shot, I hadn't even taken the makeup off or changed my hair so yet another reason why I looked older then I was. I had wanted some ice cream so my parents dropped me off at the store to pick up some ice cream and they drove home. As I walked out of the store there was a couple of older boys who at the time I just thought was "the bomb". They started to follow me which scared me but also excited me. I mean cute guys actually paying attention to me. Then one stopped right in front of me and started to talk to me. To this day I still can remember every word he said I can even remember the smell of his breath. He told me he was going to make me feel like a real woman, then he grabbed me and pulled me into the woods while his friends stood around as watch outs and also watch what he was doing to me. He tied the sleeve of his shirt around my mouth so no one could hear me crying and covered my face so he couldn't see my tears. When he was done I was forcefully flipped over while another guy decided to get me from the back side.

 

When they were done they left laughing and sing like what they did was a everyday kind of thing. I was so scared I couldnt move from where they left me. Not to mention I really couldn't because I was bleeding fairly well. I had past out and really don't know how long it was before I was found. I woke for a min when being put into a ambulance, and I remember seeing stars. But I really don't remember if they were real stars or just my eyes.

 

I have been seeing a thearpist ever since. I have had severe problems trusting men since. My soon to be ex husband is the only man I have trusted since and I dont' see myself ever being with another man.

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I have been seeing a thearpist ever since. I have had severe problems trusting men since. My soon to be ex husband is the only man I have trusted since and I dont' see myself ever being with another man.

 

Oh Ribena,

 

My heart goes out to you & all of the others here...So unbelieveable that a human being would do such things...without remorse nor regret. The perpetrators of these acts truly must have no souls...

 

I'm so glad you did seek therapy & continue to do so. Perhaps, in time, you will reclaim the trust in men you once had. I sincerely hope you find peace~

 

Candy

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This is turning out to be harder than I thought. I thought that with the trust I have in you ladies here that I could just spill out what happened. The only other people I've told were my parents (mom and step-dad), my brother and sister, my husband, and my father -in-law (he only knows that I was molested, he doesn't know the details). Seriously I'm working on getting to my story.

 

Ok I'm not able to do this right now with the 2 youngest still running around. I'll come back to it later. :love0054: :yes2: :hug: to my fellow survivors.

Edited by SomethingNew
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