Jaguar

Rape

182 posts in this topic

I've just read the story of Shybi Ambercat's rape experience and survival and moving on with her life beyond the rape. And it got me wondering how many women here experience invasive unwanted violence at the hands of men or women.

 

My thread is certainly not to knock the whole male species it's just to give us a chance to tell our stories if we wish to, and therefore do just a little bit more to put the horror into the daylight and to hopefully relieve some of the negative emotions left over by the experiene as we use the re-telling to show ourselves and the world that we've survived, we're strong enough to survive, to love again, to have sex again, to get on with our lives and strong enough to let our stories help others. :tongue0011:

 

(I'll be back in a while to post my story). :hysterical: :tongue0011:

 

I was raped twice within three weeks ( starts to look like carelessness eh?!) The first one was by my brother 12 years my senior - I was not a child - was 23. The magical age ot 16 long past. So violent were the events that I still have an 8 hour blank on that one. Then 2 weeks later I went to pick up a colleages's wedding invitation and he raped me leaving me covered in buises. I had not intended to get married before all of this being totally independant and having worked incredibly hard to be so . I subsequently married a very tall heavily built man ( I now think that this was no coinicidence that I fell in love with him) However in his own passive way he has been far more abusive than the rapists. He has had no inerest in me at all on any consistant level. I think that is what draws me to the thought of women - I do not want to be controlled by lust ....or lack of it in men any more.

 

Katymt

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To Lyndou say and Mentle ...

 

 

 

My heart goes out to you girls ..... I'm so glad you're out of your misery now ... and have both found Shybi's and are able to share .... I hope this allows you some release and for all our stories to keep us talking up the issues of womens' rights and womens safety ...

 

 

 

You girls are in my thoughts ... sending you lots of hugs and love :tongue0011: :tongue0011: :hysterical: :yahoo:

 

 

Thank you jag, and yes it does allow me some release to be able to talk on here..Its been a very very long rd most of it in abusive relationships but i have survived and its something like this that makes me realise that i i am much stronger than i thought to have survived through it all

:yahoo:

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Well, I was raped just last year, at age 25. I knew the man who did it...and I thought I could trust him. But he was using drugs one day(this i did not know he did) and violently took advantage of me...blood everywhere...I'm surprised I walked away from the whole situation because he is a big man..and i'm very tiny, only 5'3..115 pounds. He tore me in so many ways...lets just say I had to be stitched it tore me so bad. Plus he tore me emotionally, it definetly has an effect on my relationships now. But with the support of my friends, I was able to make it through. I went to the hospital immediately after hit happened. Did the whole rape kit thing...and then filed charges against him. Apparently I wasn't the first one this guy has done it to. Anyways, to make a long story short, his ass is now sitting in a cell. I went to court and had him put away for 6 years. Yep..it was bad enough to put him away that long. In my opinion...not long enough. But at least I got him behind bars for what he did.

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Wow i guess i have been side steping this thread long enough now.

I use to be a really trusting person growing up and liked everyone no matter what unless they gave me a reason not to other wise.

I will just say i have been raped 2 times..

 

The 1st one was when i was 13 year's old. I was with my then bf he was 16 and we was driving one night in the country.. We had gotten some beer from one of his friends and we went and parked by the lake and talked, drank and listend to music like always.. The farthese i had went with a boy was kissing and him up my shirt.

Well this night he wanted more then that so he thought if he got me good and drunk he would get me.

We got in to the back seat and we started to foll around a little like normal then b-4 i knew it he was using the seat belt to hold me down and taking my clothes off.. he preced to un do his pants and with out doing any thaing else ramed his dick in me and fucked me til i bled and he cumed on my chest. After he was done he let me up i got dressed and he took me home. I never spoke to him after that night.

 

The 2nd one was when i was 18 year's old and the guy was 21. I was again with a diferent bf then the 1st time.

We was at his appartment drinking with a few friends. Well the guy's wanted to get there gf's alone in seperate rooms so we all split up in the corners or dif rooms of the appartment. We me and him went in to his room and locked the door... Ok a little info I am 5'1 and was 107 pounds and BF was 5'10 and 200 pounds.

He tossed me on the bed kind of playing then he got verry agressive and rough with me slaping and hiting me until i did what he wanted. I tryed to get out of the room at 1 point but he locked the door and i wasnt fast enough to get it unlocked. He tossed me on the bed again and held me down beating me and telling me to shut up and lay there it will all be over in a few min.

After it was over i went over to my best friends house and spent the night i had 2 broken ribs and alot of burses both inside and out. The next day at school we played flag football with the boys and acted like i hurt my self atachool and went to the doc and got my ribs taped up and x-rayed.. No one ever knew what actualy happend and my b-f left town i never saw him again thaink god.

 

To this day i have a hard time trusting eather big people or men in general.

I use to get scared if someone was 100 pounds bigger then me fearing i would get beat on again.

To make a long storie short i was married once b-4 and my hubby was about 200 pounds he beat me and he's now a X-Hubby.

So I have a hard time trusting men and everyone in general i put up this brick wall around me to protect my self most of the time and it takes alot to break through my wall. I will never have a big man again they scare me.

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One of my best friends was raped by her date...and it kills me to see that we live in a world where men must be dominate and incontrol over us. If I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away for you all I would in a heart beat. I hope that one day we will hold the power and prevent such things from existing. I am so angry about it.

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I'm new here but I thought I would share my story.

 

I was 18 when I married my ex and I was incredibly dumb, his abuse started out small, verbal and emotional nothing physical. After we had been married a little over a year we moved out of state away from my family. He started to get more and more violent and I became honestly terrified of him. He raped me many times. I would lay there crying begging him to stop and he would just tell me to shut up and quit crying. I never fought him because I figured it would be easier not to fight. I never did anything about it because he didn't think anything he was doing was wrong. In his eyes I was his wife so he could do anything he wanted to me. I left him and even while we were separated the two times we saw each other with no one else around he raped me each time. The last time he did it, I remember laying on the floor crying while he got cleaned up telling me what a dirty nasty horrible person I was.

 

I went on to marry a wonderful man who I trust completely, my DH now is twice the size as my ex but I don't fear him at all. He would never do anything to hurt me.

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wow, so here goes... never told anyone this story before...i tried to believe it was a dream.

I was around 14 and walking home from my friends house, the "wrong side of the tracks" as my parents would call it. I don't remember their faces but i know there were 5, I counted the number of people inside of me. They grabbed me from behind as i walked by the park entrance and took me behind the handball court. I remember watching street lights go by quickly and watching people leave the park. I got away and tried to run, they caught me and slammed concrete blocks on both my ankles, shattering them. After that i drifted in and out, I would wake up and feel someone pushing themselves into me and saying disgusting things, They each came in my mouth and punched me numerous times in my face breakingmy jaw in 4 places. Thank god I passed out. I woke up and the sun was in my eyes and one of my friends was looking down over me crying...they called my parents they came there and called the ambulance...I told my mom what they had done to me and she said don't tell ur father, he couldn't bear his baby not being a virgin anymore. went to the er and I never said a word. My mom kept askingme if I got my period and when I didn't she took me to the clinic. All the while my father never knew. After the abortion she made me tell my father I wasn't a virgin anymore, I was now a slut in the eyes of my parents, still am. This was never reported, wouldn't want to shame the family and the next month I was told i no longer was a memeber of their family. It's 32 years later and it's still that way.

Of course both of my husbands raped me also, stories I'm totally not ready to share even with myself yet.

It never goes away, I've done the counseling and all and it's helped but it's always over the horizon waiting to pop up at the most inoportune times.....

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wow, so here goes... never told anyone this story before...i tried to believe it was a dream.

I was around 14 and walking home from my friends house, the "wrong side of the tracks" as my parents would call it. I don't remember their faces but i know there were 5, I counted the number of people inside of me. They grabbed me from behind as i walked by the park entrance and took me behind the handball court. I remember watching street lights go by quickly and watching people leave the park. I got away and tried to run, they caught me and slammed concrete blocks on both my ankles, shattering them. After that i drifted in and out, I would wake up and feel someone pushing themselves into me and saying disgusting things, They each came in my mouth and punched me numerous times in my face breakingmy jaw in 4 places. Thank god I passed out. I woke up and the sun was in my eyes and one of my friends was looking down over me crying...they called my parents they came there and called the ambulance...I told my mom what they had done to me and she said don't tell ur father, he couldn't bear his baby not being a virgin anymore. went to the er and I never said a word. My mom kept askingme if I got my period and when I didn't she took me to the clinic. All the while my father never knew. After the abortion she made me tell my father I wasn't a virgin anymore, I was now a slut in the eyes of my parents, still am. This was never reported, wouldn't want to shame the family and the next month I was told i no longer was a memeber of their family. It's 32 years later and it's still that way.

Of course both of my husbands raped me also, stories I'm totally not ready to share even with myself yet.

It never goes away, I've done the counseling and all and it's helped but it's always over the horizon waiting to pop up at the most inoportune times.....

 

 

<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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wow, so here goes... never told anyone this story before...i tried to believe it was a dream.

I was around 14 and walking home from my friends house, the "wrong side of the tracks" as my parents would call it. I don't remember their faces but i know there were 5, I counted the number of people inside of me. They grabbed me from behind as i walked by the park entrance and took me behind the handball court. I remember watching street lights go by quickly and watching people leave the park. I got away and tried to run, they caught me and slammed concrete blocks on both my ankles, shattering them. After that i drifted in and out, I would wake up and feel someone pushing themselves into me and saying disgusting things, They each came in my mouth and punched me numerous times in my face breakingmy jaw in 4 places. Thank god I passed out. I woke up and the sun was in my eyes and one of my friends was looking down over me crying...they called my parents they came there and called the ambulance...I told my mom what they had done to me and she said don't tell ur father, he couldn't bear his baby not being a virgin anymore. went to the er and I never said a word. My mom kept askingme if I got my period and when I didn't she took me to the clinic. All the while my father never knew. After the abortion she made me tell my father I wasn't a virgin anymore, I was now a slut in the eyes of my parents, still am. This was never reported, wouldn't want to shame the family and the next month I was told i no longer was a memeber of their family. It's 32 years later and it's still that way.

Of course both of my husbands raped me also, stories I'm totally not ready to share even with myself yet.

It never goes away, I've done the counseling and all and it's helped but it's always over the horizon waiting to pop up at the most inoportune times.....

 

I really do not what to say here but i just felt i wanted to reply even if it was just to say i am so sorry you had to go through that awful (and that is putting it mildly) ordeal. Not to mention the fact that you were shunned by your own family.

 

:th_c4814252: x 1000 for what you had to go through. I admire you so much and everyone else for posting these horrendous stories ... :wub:

 

Myst

Edited by Mysterious_Girl
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wow, so here goes... never told anyone this story before...i tried to believe it was a dream.

I was around 14 and walking home from my friends house, the "wrong side of the tracks" as my parents would call it. I don't remember their faces but i know there were 5, I counted the number of people inside of me. They grabbed me from behind as i walked by the park entrance and took me behind the handball court. I remember watching street lights go by quickly and watching people leave the park. I got away and tried to run, they caught me and slammed concrete blocks on both my ankles, shattering them. After that i drifted in and out, I would wake up and feel someone pushing themselves into me and saying disgusting things, They each came in my mouth and punched me numerous times in my face breakingmy jaw in 4 places. Thank god I passed out. I woke up and the sun was in my eyes and one of my friends was looking down over me crying...they called my parents they came there and called the ambulance...I told my mom what they had done to me and she said don't tell ur father, he couldn't bear his baby not being a virgin anymore. went to the er and I never said a word. My mom kept askingme if I got my period and when I didn't she took me to the clinic. All the while my father never knew. After the abortion she made me tell my father I wasn't a virgin anymore, I was now a slut in the eyes of my parents, still am. This was never reported, wouldn't want to shame the family and the next month I was told i no longer was a memeber of their family. It's 32 years later and it's still that way.

Of course both of my husbands raped me also, stories I'm totally not ready to share even with myself yet.

It never goes away, I've done the counseling and all and it's helped but it's always over the horizon waiting to pop up at the most inoportune times.....

 

OMG!!!...Thats horrible...My heart goes out to you sweetie...I wish I could give you a hug and let you cry out all your pain on my shoulder...What you went thru was terrifying...I dont know what to say except that you are in my thoughts....Im sending you lots of love and hugs sweetie...Please know that all of us here are here for you no matter what...If you ever need anything please feel free to PM me...:th_c4814252: :wub: :wub: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:...Each of those are a million hugs compressed!!!...Love to you sweetie...

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:th_c4814252: :wub::wub: :hug: to each and every one of you. There aren't any words that I can say that will make you feel better. And I wish that there was something I could do to change what happened. The only thing any of us can do is try to heal. Long, hard road I know. But maybe with lots of support and caring we'll be able to make it. :hug: :hug: :hug:

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I have been reading all the posts and saw one who mentioned being in control. It made me think. When I was eight-years old my step dad woke me up one night and said I had been calling for my mom in my sleep. He took me in the living room and we sat on the couch. I was still groggy and he told me to lay down on him and go back to sleep. I remember so well when he unzipped his pants and put my hand in his pants. I was lucky though, my grandmother came home from work early that night and he did not get to go any further.

 

I was a large kid for my age. At 8 I was almost 5 feet tall and weighed over 130 pounds. I did not tell my mom what happened until I was 16. She just looked at me and said well you were a big girl at that age "why didn't you just hit him with something?" Til this day I have no respect for my mother. I am an only child and she is in bad health now and I have to care for her, but it makes me mad to know I am here for her and she never was for me. I too am a control freak, if I do not have control over a situation then I get out of it as quick as possible. Never hit me before that, that situation may have helped create my control issues.

 

When it comes to rape, the woman is always blamed. It is easier to believe that she did something to bring it on, instead of admitting the guy who did it is a sick, twisted, little SOB who needs to be ...... you decide the punishment. I too am sorry all of you had to live through this, if I could I would take all those feelings and doubts you have today and wash them away for you. <_<

 

 

..... My mom had to have 30 stitches put in her head because of this same guy, who she divorced because of him hurting her, yet til this day she defends him and blames me for not defending myself against him.

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Im not sure of how I old I was but I know my dad was alive so it was deffo before the age of 9...thinking about it I reckon around age 7-8. Ive told a few very close friends about this inccident but never my family and I dont think I ever will tell them!!

 

I remember it all like it was yesterday, I even remember who the lad was. He was older around 15 I think and at the time he was our next door neighbour and I was very close friends with his younger brother!

 

One day he just took me to the park and told me to go into the bushes with him...me being totally unaware did so and he proceeded to grope and touch me. He did try to have sex with me but THANK GOD (and I truely count myself lucky) I was too small for him to enter, so he continued to to touch, feel and masturbate. I always remember thinking I WANT TO GO HOME but was too scared to do anything.

 

I havent seen this lad in years but I ended up working with his brother for a short time and everynow and then see his sister in town. It still turns my stomach over when seeing them and they didnt do anything!!

 

I really feel for all the ladies who have spoken about their inccidents..like I said, Im only greatful that mine wasnt as bad as it could have been!!

 

I deffinatly believe its affected me and how I am with men....for one im really scared to get close to men emotionally...maybe its all nonsense but thats how I feel.

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Your words and thoughts and feelings aren't nonsense at all CG ... everywoman has a right to live without fear and right to have their voice heard and a right to get good and angry like Moe .... thanks for sharing your stories girls ... :yahoo:

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Okay, I think I can finally post this, although no one outside my dh, siblings/mom even know about this. My father sexually abused me for the first 15 years of my life. If that weren't bad enough, he included his best friend, who was my godfather, in on the act everytime they were together (which unfortunately for me was guite a lot). To this day I still don't remember what went on in that room with the two of them, and I hope I never remember it. And, it still gets worse....both my sister's first husbands abused me too.

 

The worst of all was my own father...besides the fact that he was my father - it was constant. Everytime my mother went out, at night, in the basement, EVERYWHERE! I won't get into the details, but it is beyond your imagination. I tried to hide under my bed, in the closet, in the dresser, behind the dresser, behind the hot water heater, oil tank, closets, under stairs, in the shed, at the tops of the trees and even on the roof of the house and garage to no avail. I was always found! When I got to an age where I thought I could try and stand up to him I was witheld food until I did as I was told....so I went without food! Thus creating an eating disorder - food was the only thing I could control in my life. By the age of 19 I still only weighed 97 pounds (and I'm 5'7"). I was threatened with physical harm if I ever told, and I believed he would carry it through because I had seen him whip my brothers with a leather strap, throw them down the basement stairs, strangle them, lift them off their feet by their necks, and punch walls. When I was 15 my sister approached me about being abused because she too had been abused and was seeking professional help. She had already spoken to my other siblings (there are 7 of us in all) and everyone had been abused, and we all thought we were the ONLY ONES. I begged them not to tell my mother for fear of my father killing me as promised. But, we all got together and told my mother one night. She did NOTHING! She didn't kick him out, she didn't yell, she wasn't compasionate to us....it was all about her, and how it would make her look to her family/friends. I was told "to get over it", "sweep it under the carpet", "it's over, stop crying"! There were only 2 of us living at home at this time, and I was scared for my life - I never slept at night again. My siblings made my father go to counseling, but I seriously doubt he really went. We had one group session, but I couldn't say how I felt or how fearful I was for my life in the same room with him. I guess you are wondering why I didn't just move in with one of my siblings right? Well, you see, both of my sister's husbands at the time had been abusing me too! As a matter of fact, my oldest sister's husband chased me through the house trying to attack me the day we were getting ready to tell my mother!!!!!!!! I grabbed my nieces/nephew and locked us in a bedroom until my sister came home! So I had no where to go! I started using drugs/alcohol and trying to commit suicide. I was anorexic, cut myself with knives, burned myself with lighters, clawed at my face/eyes, smoked, drank, and was using drugs. I can't begin to explain all the serious detremental side effects abuse has on you....low self esteem, worthlessness, eating disorders, spending too much money, unable to be in a close relationship, etc etc etc. My life was in a serious downward spiral, and then I got with my dh! He has been an angel by my side since I was 17! He worked with me, and helped me through all the stages of my recovery. Luckily, my godfather passed away several years ago, both my sister's divorced, and my father just died this past February. It was his passing that helped me to make the final step in my recovery! It has taken me 40 years to be a survivor, and believe in myself, and to be the person I should have always been, but at least I'm finally here. I can't believe my dh is still with me after all I put him through (unintentional of course), but I'm thankful for him each and every day!

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Wow. there are a lot of really awful stories here. I was also raped. I've had a long day though and don't want to post the story now, but I will. Its important that we all talk about what happened to us. I think that talking about it with supportive people is the most effective method of recovery. We get into a place where we can't talk about it and think we are responsible for what was done to us, and that no one will ever understand, and that we are completely alone. We are not. I am not. Because of all of you.

 

As excruciatingly painful as these memories are, confronting them is the only way to come to terms with it. Its been 8 years and a very long journey. I don't think it will ever really be over, and I know that the person that did this to me lives their life completely free, both physically and emotionally, while I am chained to this lingering pain.

 

Know that you ALL are strong women, worthy of love in the truest sense and were not deserving of your experiences. Its hard to believe, but is always good to hear it.

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You lot are so brave, i hope its helped sharing your stories, and i'm so sorry you all went through such things.

 

 

 

Wylde no one would blame you for what you did hun x don't blame yourself.

 

BBMG:HUG: that is so wrong. you shouldnt have had to go through any of that

 

 

Hugz to one and all :beee::D:D :ph34r:

Edited by saucybutshy
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Thanks everyone for sharing. I want to remind everyone that rape is actually not a crime of passion. It is all about power and control. Hugs to everyone of you.

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Thanks everyone for sharing. I want to remind everyone that rape is actually not a crime of passion. It is all about power and control. Hugs to everyone of you.

 

Anyone who thinks rape is a "crime of passion" needs shot in the face. It's a cruel act of violence and anyone who dares try to justify it... *gurrr grow snarl*

 

I'm not saying you are, I just mean people in general.

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Anyone who thinks rape is a "crime of passion" needs shot in the face. It's a cruel act of violence and anyone who dares try to justify it... *gurrr grow snarl*

 

I'm not saying you are, I just mean people in general.

 

Here's the definition of a crime of passion jannedoe. A rape technically can be a crime of passion. Generally it's not, but it can be. Hope no one thinks I oughta be shot in the face.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_of_passion

 

I know wiki isn't THE most reliabe source out there, but it usu. offers good general information. :grin:

Edited by JordanRiver12881
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I've just read all you ladies posts in here with tears in my eyes...I can't believe you all went through all this.

 

I admire you ladies you are so brave each and every one of you, my heart goes out to you all.

 

I have a lump in my throat when I think of what has happened to you all.

 

I've never been raped or molested.

 

Each and everyone of you deserve some happiness in your lives I truly hope you either found it or will do very soon..

 

What a world we live in....I feel so sad right now...

 

This world is a sick place...is it really worth being in it right now?.

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All your stories have brought a real tear to my eyes, thank you soo much for sharing.

 

I was amost raped by an ex at 14 years old, he was a bit older than me. wont go into the story as i dont really like talking about it. I say "almost" as i was a virgin when he tried to and i managed to knee him in the b**ls after saying no for the last time, was really scary kept trying to cross my legs.lol. Lay there next to him all night as i didnt know what to do, just remember thinking "oh god am i still a virgin. . i wanna go home" split up very shortly after that.

 

My recent Ex was quite violent. . .yep i know how to pick them.lol. he had like 2 personalities, 1 was extreme loving and obsessive about me. the other called me all sorts of names and gripped me a lot and once threw me again a wall where i banged my head.

 

ok bad memories. sorry just felt i could share it. thanks everyone, its been a very long time since ive spoken about it.

 

hope your all ok *hugs*

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Well since all you ladies have been brave enough to share, then maybe i should too.

 

I was raped my my father when i was very young, along with my two older sisters. Thankfuly i dont remember much, the councilors saying i chose to block it from my mind. Then from when i was 14-17 there were a few close calls in which i almost got raped. Just recently ive been trying to move on from a rape that happened to me 6ish months ago. It's still very tough at times, but one thing about me... im strong and if some prick thinks it's okay, then i hope they rott in jail for a very long time.

 

Thanks for hearing me out girls,

 

XXX,

Constance

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This world is a sick place...is it really worth being in it right now?.

 

nope its not

 

 

 

rape is not a crime of passion disgusted by that suggestion

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Wylde no one would blame you for what you did hun x don't blame yourself.

 

 

Thank you Saucy...*Wipes a tear*...:hug:

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