Jaguar

Rape

182 posts in this topic

I didn't want to post at first, but honestly, reading these stories made me cry.

 

I also have a story to share. When I was 17, my first 'real' boyfriend and I recently broke up. I was a waitress and met a guy, I was sad over the break up so I was craving attention from a guy. I was cautious at first, I didn't even want to give him my number. He kept pursuing me as the night went on. I finally gave him my number and we talked on the phone for a few days in a row after that.

We wanted to know more about each other, so I let him come to my house. When I was alone. While we were talking, he put his hand in my pants. By my surprise, it was quite sudden. I let him know that I didn't feel comfortable with it, and I had to go to work. I didn't like what happened, but let him come over again a few days later. I don't know why. He did the same thing, and wanted to go further. I said no multiple times, but he kept telling me he would stop if I didn't like it. It became sex. I remember trying to scratch him, trying to hurt him like he was hurting me. He said things to me like "are you sure you aren't a virgin?". I just wanted it to be over.

When he left I just broke down crying. I didn't tell anyone.

I still have issues calling it rape, since it isn't stereotypical...but it was against my will.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't talk about my experience and that may be one of my problems. I've avoided going to my therapist because I tell myself it isn't that big of a deal. But if so many girls here can share, maybe it will help to get it off my chest.

 

I was 19 with a toddler and had just moved out of my parents' house. My parents were keeping my son for the weekend so the [now] DH and I went out. One of my best friends (we'll call him M), who had been living in FL for a year or so, was in town. Important to the story is the fact that before I met DH, I fancied myself in love with M. I spent the night at his house, we would sleep together, and he always rejected my non-platonic affection. I told him before he left for FL that I was in love with him and I got the typical 'you're a great friend, but I don't see you like that' speech. I let it drop and moved on, never really getting over the feelings I had for him. At the time of the party, I was living with DH and had serious feelings for him, but deep down I knew that if M indicated he was interested, I would have left DH. DH and I met M at a party at another friend's house. As most teenagers do, my DH and his friends were all drinking. I had a drink or two, but these were DH's friends and I didn't want to be referred to as 'stupid drunk girl'. I spent my time at the party hanging out with DH and catching up with M. The party we were at wasn't lived in, it was basically at party house that a friend owned. The living room consisted of two beds shoved together on one side, one on the other side, a couch, and a coffee table. It was summer, so we all pretty much stayed outside. Around midnight, M decided to go to bed in one of the beds shoved together. Thirty minutes later, DH went to bed. I was talking to an aquaintance and didn't really notice either one was asleep. About 2am, I excused myself from the aquaintance because I was about to pass out where I was standing. DH was one the couch. There was no way possible to sleep on it with him. M was in one bed, DH's best friend was in the bed beside it, and M's cousin was in the third bed. The only options I had were to share a bed with one of the guys or sleep in the car. I barely knew the other two, so I curled up in the twin bed next to M. About 6am, I woke up and realized that someone was having sex with me. As it registered that DH was still asleep on the couch, the person ejaculated in me and on my clothes. As he was getting up, I realized that it was M. He got dressed, woke up his cousin, and five minutes later, drove away. I laid in the bed for hours crying and then going into shock, until DH and DH's best friend, who were the only other people in the house after M and his cousin left, woke up about 1pm.

 

I told DH and his friend what happened. But they basically made me feel like it was my fault. Then, after I told my parents, they made me feel like it was my fault. I blamed myself for years and I never pressed charges. I tried to get a restraining order against M, but I was told by the magistrate that because I wasn't married to him I couldn't get a R.O. It didn't occur to me to get a morning after pill until it was far too late (though, thankfully I didn't get pregnant). I didn't have sex with DH for months after that incident. Occasionally, I have flashbacks (even though I've never fully remembered what happened that night). Our sex-life has never been the same. DH knows not to try to amorously wake me anymore, not even kisses. I've since gotten over my anger at my parents and my friends for making it feel like I was to blame. I don't talk to M. I don't talk about M. I leave the room when other people talk about M, even negatively. The worst part of the whole incident is the fact that I was so wholely trusted M. He maintains that he was drunk and I agreed. DH's friend says that I woke him up a few times telling DH in my sleep that I didn't want to have sex, and he thought it was weird since DH was still on the couch.

 

I wish there was a way to prevent other girls from going through the same thing that I and the other women who have posted here, and those who chose not to, went through. No one should ever have to go through that. It isn't something that affects you as it is happening. It something that stays with you for the rest of your life. My heart goes out to other women here who have suffered.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am new here and wasn't sure about saying anything about my past. After reading all the experiences you ladies have had I relalize that I am not alone. I was molested by my mothers father from 5 - 14. When I told my mother she said I couldn't tell anyone because it would hurt the family and I should have been smart enough to avoid him. Then she left me alone with him. I ran and my father took custody. Then at 18 I was raped I never told anyone until recently because I always thought it was my fault and I was defective. I have recently started counseling to deal with my past and learning how to be me. I know that probably sounds strange learning how to be me, but I have put on a false person for so long that its hard to express my true feelings and who I am.

 

 

Thanx

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I am new here and wasn't sure about saying anything about my past. After reading all the experiences you ladies have had I relalize that I am not alone. I was molested by my mothers father from 5 - 14. When I told my mother she said I couldn't tell anyone because it would hurt the family and I should have been smart enough to avoid him. Then she left me alone with him. I ran and my father took custody. Then at 18 I was raped I never told anyone until recently because I always thought it was my fault and I was defective. I have recently started counseling to deal with my past and learning how to be me. I know that probably sounds strange learning how to be me, but I have put on a false person for so long that its hard to express my true feelings and who I am.

 

 

Thanx

 

It does not sound strange at all to be learning about yourself after hiding your feelings for so long. I think many of us can relate to what your saying. I am glad you are here and learning about yourself, I know I appreciate the support the ladies here have given me during my journey. :P

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! I've always wondered if I would ever be able to tell anyone this but I never thought it would happen. I actually did spill my guts to a good male friend one night last summer but we were both pretty drunk and I am not sure he remembers it.

 

I was a week away from my 18th birthday and a friend and I had been invited to go and watch the 4th of July fireworks from the deck of a coast guard ship which happened to be in port at that time. This was like a dream come true to me, all those hot military looking guys. I was a little on the wild side when I was that age. So we watched the fireworks and flirted with the guys and and had a great time. Then my friend had to leave and one of the guys from the coast guard ship said he would drive me home. He offered me a beer and when he brought it to me it was open and it tasted very odd, sort of grainy. He then drove me somewhere a long way away to an apartment. By this time I was totally out of it and only remember small bits and pieces of the night. I remember going into a room that had only a mattress on the floor and a small window. I remember him going down on me and how I was so so tired. I remember several different people coming into the room, I know they were touching me but I was too out of it to remember what exactly happened. It seemed like i was there for days, but then I remember him helping me out to his car and I know I slept most of the ride back. When I finally got home and was awake, I was beat up pretty bad down below. I'm glad I don't remember the details. I am fairly certain I was drugged. Don't think one beer could have that effect?

 

For a long time, I told myself that I was imagining it all, since all I remembered were fuzzy bits and pieces. But as I got older I forced myself to think about it and I know it was all real.

 

I wish I had at some point shared this with my husband. But what would it accomplish? I basically feel like it is an awful thing that happened to me a long time ago and I feel so so lucky that it didn't end in a much more terrible way. I mean, you hear all these horror stories all the time and I guess I just feel lucky to be alive because no one knew where I was or who I was with and I could have easily just disappeared.

 

phew, i can't believe i am actually putting this all down in print but here it goes......now it's out there, sort of out of me......kind of a relief

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine is not that of rape so to speak, but of what I believe to be being molested by my father (God rest his soul) at a very young age. I cannot say 100% for certain, I just know I went to bed one night, and all I recall is him being over me and the feeling of my pants being taken off. II don't recall anything else other than waking up naked from the waist down. I have many mental blocks, and my bf tells me I am probably far better off not trying to recall, but that he saw signs of abuse from the moment we met (which is true because he asked me if i had been years before i ever told him of this experience). To anyone who has survived an attack...my heart to you! Keep your head up and know that you are worth the fight.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's amazing that this thread has grown and grown and adds to it's value the more that it does .... there are so many posts here of women saying this thread is the first time they have told their stories ... this makes it so very valuable ... I had no idea how it would grow when I started it .... and I had absolutely no idea that so many women would come forward and tell their stories .... this thread has grown so large now, it's 10 pages long that it has reached the point where it becomes to long to easily find your way around it .... so now it's time to open up 'thread 2' ... this thread will stay pinned here so our stories will certainly not get lost ... they'll stay right here .... and I'll link the two threads asap ....

 

this 'thread 1 is now continuing it's work in 'thread 2'.....

 

Here's the link to 'Rape (thread 2) Our Stories'

Edited by Jaguar
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.