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What Do You Think About Long Distance Relationship?

168 posts in this topic

LRDs are hell - but sometimes, you just can't help who you fall in love with....

 

I know - I'm just out of one that ended because after two years of trying to make it work, we just couldn't see a way forward. I s'pse the real killer was that I didn't want to live where she did (and where she had family and roots), and she didn't want to let go of all that and come to me...

 

Two years of wonderful moments together, of pointless days apart - of thousands of miles spent trundling up and down the A6....

 

Two years of believing that we could overcome all - two years of that wonderful feeling that this time we had each found the peace that we sought - and now all gone, lost in heartache and racking tears of regret....

 

For myself, I haven't fallen out of love with her, but it was just hurting us both too much to go on. I miss her so desperately, but the miles were a gap that was just too much for us to stretch a bridge across for ever..

 

Never again - I swear! No more LDRs - I can't take it again.

 

Now just remind me how many times I've said those words before - do we never learn..???

 

Just please stuff ice cubes down my neck if ever I get tempted again - please......!!!

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Personally, I'm against them. Unless, I've known an individual for a while, and we really were into eachother, and something just popped up out of nowhere that there had to be distance, I would not get into a LDR.

 

I think the closest I've been to an LDR is a relationship with a work-a-holic... which to me, is basically like a LDR, since you're only relationship with that person is usually via phone.

 

I know people can make it work; some of the replies here have shown examples of that. However, I honestly think it'd be too hard for me, personally. I need that feeling of touch and proximity. I give props to those who can do it!

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Well now, this is something I know a little bit about:) .....My DH and I have been together for 27 yrs and married for 25. We met in basic training ( not an ideal place to start a releationship) We were together LD for 4 yrs and married for 2 of those before we even lived under the roof. the past ten years has seen us seperated 6 yrs with 600 miles between us due to military obligation.

What I am trying to say is, somethings/people are worth the work to maintain a relationship LD or not.

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I have never had a long distance relationship I only can imagine how it would feel. My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. As close as I been to s long distance relationship is when I go up north to visit my family. My husband stays here and I take the kids up there to see everyone. I stay for 2-3 weeks sometimes longer The longest way a month and a half. I just remember how much I missed him. I would talk to him everyday and video chat with him here and there. I just felt like there was this big whole missing in my heart =(. I felt empty after 2 weeks. I felt like I was never gonna see him again. The best feel is when we were on our way home. I remember how excited I was and how inpatient I was lol. I wanted to be there now!!!!. Even when I would land in FL. That 30 minute drive was too long to wait lol. When we saw each other if was the most amazing feeling in the world and I would sit on my couch and be like ahhh I am home =).

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I did it for years because I had to. My exfiance was in the military. WE were young so it didn't work but I can do it again but only if the relationship has a foundation built first.

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I was in a long distance relationship for 6 months and hated it

so not for me thanks!

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.

Edited by Willowgirl
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Mine was long distance for the first year across 200 miles as we'd met online by her accidentally adding me... needless to say it was expensive, especially when I'd pay out for a coach just to get to see her for less than 24 hours!

Unfortunately I think it killed us off though, it was all one extreme to the other - either be 200 miles apart or jump straight to living with eachother. I can't help but think that if we'd had the chance to break into things at a more gradual rate, maybe we'd still be together now. Would have been 5 years this August, but a couple of months ago it was realised she hadn't particularly been treating me that great, still I was the sucker to hold onto hope whereas she ended it with me, joy!

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Not a fan. I've tried it and it wasn't fun.

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I really dont know if theres a great or terrible thing about them to be honest.

 

Ive been in them most of my life....

my ex husband and i were in different Cities when we first met and i moved to his to be with him after a year, and it lasted 6 years.

 

Then my first serious GF live about 4 hours drive from me which was really hard, she was the love of my life and that lasted about 17/18months or so.

 

Then all the women ive fancied ever since have been ones ive met online and their usually in Dublin or the U.S...

is it just me or are the irish and Americans just sooooo friendly ;-)

 

i make more friends in Dublin and the U.S then i do in the entirety of England, and its always been that way for me personally ;-)

yes i go on a alot of dating sites that are international but ultimately there English women on there too, and not a shortage, but everytime i find someone i fancy and click with shes never in England ;-(

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It hurts

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You can't choose whom you fall in love with, had I been asked about 4 years ago I would of said no way, impossible! But here I am today with the same guy that I see once every two weeks due to distance and it's the strongest rship I've ever been in. The free time to ourselves let's us be our own people and also makes us appreciate that much more the time we do spend together! Don't get me wrong, it's far from easy and there's been plenty arguments along the way but it's made us so much stronger and appreciate eachother and what the future holds so much more than I have before with anyone else. Like everything in life it has it's pros and cons

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You can't choose whom you fall in love with, had I been asked about 4 years ago I would of said no way, impossible! But here I am today with the same guy that I see once every two weeks due to distance and it's the strongest rship I've ever been in. The free time to ourselves let's us be our own people and also makes us appreciate that much more the time we do spend together! Don't get me wrong, it's far from easy and there's been plenty arguments along the way but it's made us so much stronger and appreciate eachother and what the future holds so much more than I have before with anyone else. Like everything in life it has it's pros and cons

 

I'm in a similar position. My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years, and only see each other on weekends. Which sounds like no big deal, but it has been a constant struggle. Little problems go un spoken and turn into big ones...but as you said Sarah, it def has made us stronger. I truly feel that because we've dealt with our relationship like this for so long, it's strong enough to withstand anything.

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I've never engaged in an ldr before, was never appealing no matter how much I liked the person. Sometimes though, life throws you a curveball and makes you question your opinions and comfort level. I thrive on affection and touch, so an ldr would be a difficult stretch for me personally. Patience is not a strong virtue I possess, so it proves painful at times.

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It's not for me. I need them to be physically near me.

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Not for me! When I'm with someone & they're away I miss them terribly! & I love a cuddle at the end of the day when my fiance gets home from work & I look forward to that all day! So it's not for me! But good for those who it works for! :) xx

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I think this is sustainable and trustworthy :)

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As much as my girlfriend and I have already posted how well it can work, I am soooo looking forward to the day were not long distance anymore. Hopefully wont be too long, but as with life there is a lot of obstacles to get past before she can get here. xx

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I've been in one at the beginning of my relationship with my SO. It is hard but it's totally doable. We met online, knew each other a couple months over the internet and phone calls, etc, and crazily enough decided just out of the blue that she would move to live with me. We'd known each other a grand total of maybe 3 months - just over the internet - and we were both terrified when the day came for her to drive here (took 10 excrutiating hours!) because we were both freaked out the other one could be a psycho hehe, and now we've been together coming up on 3 years, and I couldn't be happier! We've known since the beginning that we would get married, so at this point it's just a question of when - before or after her transition.

 

Distance is doable, I don't know how I'd do over a long period of being apart, so I can't answer that. The prime example I can come up with is CC* and Callie T, I don't know how they do it, but they should both get medals.. Most of their relationship has been long distance, but now they are married and have an honest-to-god family together, and still they wait! I so admire you for taking that step together, realizing you were meant to be, making the necessary arrangements to be together, get married, and finally your family together :D Literally the most inspiring love story I've ever heard. And I'm a fan of The Notebook, so that's saying something. ;)

 

Anyway back on topic. Some people can do it, some can't. Which is okay, because it's a really tough thing. :)

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My relationship is going to end up being long distance now that I have to move back to NY. He moved back in with his parents so he could take care of college and preparing for a new career, and I need to find a way to become stable because I don't have the tools to make it on my own. My roommates are going through a divorce and I would have nowhere to live down south here, so back to daddy I go :( I'll be going to a community college that's nearby, trying to get one of my old jobs back, and working on building myself up and getting a car. I hope the distance doesn't tear us apart, but we both need to work on our individual selves before being able to live together. In time, we will live together, but I need to do a lot before I can do that. I'm going away, but it's not like I'm leaving him.

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I've been in one at the beginning of my relationship with my SO. It is hard but it's totally doable. We met online, knew each other a couple months over the internet and phone calls, etc, and crazily enough decided just out of the blue that she would move to live with me. We'd known each other a grand total of maybe 3 months - just over the internet - and we were both terrified when the day came for her to drive here (took 10 excrutiating hours!) because we were both freaked out the other one could be a psycho hehe, and now we've been together coming up on 3 years, and I couldn't be happier! We've known since the beginning that we would get married, so at this point it's just a question of when - before or after her transition.

 

Distance is doable, I don't know how I'd do over a long period of being apart, so I can't answer that. The prime example I can come up with is CC* and Callie T, I don't know how they do it, but they should both get medals.. Most of their relationship has been long distance, but now they are married and have an honest-to-god family together, and still they wait! I so admire you for taking that step together, realizing you were meant to be, making the necessary arrangements to be together, get married, and finally your family together :D Literally the most inspiring love story I've ever heard. And I'm a fan of The Notebook, so that's saying something. ;)

 

Anyway back on topic. Some people can do it, some can't. Which is okay, because it's a really tough thing. :)

 

Funny to see my name in here, because I saw this thread pop up earlier today and was going to come in and say just how much LDRs SUCK!

 

I'm feeling it especially bad lately (it's always bad, really, but something about the last couple days especially...) I'm so emotional from missing Callie, I'm right on the verge of tears pretty much all day long and the smallest little thing can push me over the edge and make me start crying. I really envy those who can see each other fairly regularly, and even those who can have regular movie dates and phone dates. I feel like our lives are so crazy right now, we barely even have a chance to text each other throughout the day, let alone talk on the phone or sit down and watch a movie at the same time. With both of our work schedules, the kids, life, and time zones...it's so damn hard to connect. :(

 

I cannot freaking wait for this long distance crap to be done forever!!!!

 

 

And thanks for the kind words, Jenna. (Oops....nynaeve, sorry!) I don't know how we do it either, lol. The only thing getting me through it is knowing she is my wife (yay!!!) and there is an end to all this suffering (yay!!!)

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Funny to see my name in here, because I saw this thread pop up earlier today and was going to come in and say just how much LDRs SUCK!

 

I'm feeling it especially bad lately (it's always bad, really, but something about the last couple days especially...) I'm so emotional from missing Callie, I'm right on the verge of tears pretty much all day long and the smallest little thing can push me over the edge and make me start crying. I really envy those who can see each other fairly regularly, and even those who can have regular movie dates and phone dates. I feel like our lives are so crazy right now, we barely even have a chance to text each other throughout the day, let alone talk on the phone or sit down and watch a movie at the same time. With both of our work schedules, the kids, life, and time zones...it's so damn hard to connect. :(

 

I cannot freaking wait for this long distance crap to be done forever!!!!

 

 

And thanks for the kind words, Jenna. (Oops....nynaeve, sorry!) I don't know how we do it either, lol. The only thing getting me through it is knowing she is my wife (yay!!!) and there is an end to all this suffering (yay!!!)

 

Your time difference has to be excrutiating. :( I can imagine though. You're awake, she's sleeping, vice versa. Yep, long distance sucks sometimes, yours is a definite case of that. At least it shouldn't be too much longer!! But yes on the plus side, you and your wife and kids will be together soon, you have each other in the meantime! I know you guys haven't had many movie or phone dates lately, which honestly is more shitty than I can even say. You are both very brave!

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I'm an odd bird. I prefer long-distance relationships. But I don't desire marriage or children, so those elements are not factors for me.

 

Ideally, I'd see someone a few long weekends a year--three, or maybe four--once a season. Email frequently, or frequently enough to feel connected. Some months, I could imagine just exchanging one series of emails and it being enough. They would have to be quality emails, and it would have to be the right person--but it's possible,

 

I feel better and end up feeling closer and fuller emotionally if I'm not physically around all the time. I really need a lot of space & freedom. And I need the sense of longing. It's a driving force for my creativity and clarity of thought. Hunger, for me, is fulfilling. Without that edge of grief, I'm not complete.

 

I had a relationship sort-of like this that was off-and-on for 8 years (we split for the last time a few years ago, and she is now married to somebody else, who lives with her all the time.) It really worked for me in many respects. The difficult part was coordinating when and how to meet, especially because we lived on opposite sides of the US and she was not very good about following through with plans, (but that was a personal problem, and not indicative of the possible success of this kind of arrangement, with the right people involved.)

 

It is very difficult to find anyone who wants or can tolerate this.

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I wouldn't mind if it was a man or woman I would prefer if it was a military relationship or if they lived overseas I find it hot to not see my lover for months and when I see them the makeup sex lol

Edited by Ironmaiden24
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They suck. Badly. However, if there is an end in sight it makes it more doable. Probably I should answer this again in 21 months when this crap is finally over.

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