Onceuponatime

What Are You Thinking..........

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One moment of bravery after 5 years of silence, one spark of reconnection, one moment of hope that fucking didn't fuck our friendship and then 8 days of silence. Grief. So much grief.

Thinking about tomorrow. 

Thinking about Mercedes Sprinter vans, DIY motorhome conversions and disappearing into the sunset. 

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No matter how great life is or how wonderful the future looks taking the next step in life , some days you just want to be alone to feel sad, without judgement. Why is it that people who have a good life get so judged for feeling blue? 

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BAM and I start crying :( 

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It still hurts, it still stings and nobody cares, all they care about is how much I got and who, or which gender, will I partner with now.

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Thank goodness that is over. If I get another crazy idea....please someone stop me!

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it sure would be nice to crawl back into bed with a sleeping beauty... wake her with soft kisses to her neck and shoulders... watch her stretch and smile that adorable sleepy grin... run my hands over the curve of her breasts and hips as she moans to wakefulness... feeling her legs slide against mine as she rolls over and peeks out at me through heavy lidded eyes... good morning sunshine

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On 9/5/2017 at 9:58 PM, TabulaRasa said:

One moment of bravery after 5 years of silence, one spark of reconnection, one moment of hope that fucking didn't fuck our friendship and then 8 days of silence. Grief. So much grief.

@TabulaRasa that sounds scary and heartbreaking. Not being talked to is awful and painful.

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IMG_3758.JPG

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I don't like the closet. It bums me out. I'm not a very private person.

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On 10/09/2017 at 8:10 PM, N00Bi said:

@TabulaRasa that sounds scary and heartbreaking. Not being talked to is awful and painful.

It's frustrating. 14 days of silence now. Probably time to let it go and accept that I tried my best. There's no real reason the friendship cannot flourish, other than people telling her to stay away from me. However, I don't think the silence will last forever...

Thanks for reaching out. Probably the first proper interaction I've had on Shy's for a good 7 years! Much love.

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...how bizarre it is that I always thought I knew what narcissism was, but failed to notice for four whole years that I was dating it. 

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18 minutes ago, flirtykitten said:

...how bizarre it is that I always thought I knew what narcissism was, but failed to notice for four whole years that I was dating it. 

That sucks. I'm sorry. But at the same time, doesn't it make you feel a bit more sane knowing it wasn't just you?

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10 minutes ago, N00Bi said:

That sucks. I'm sorry. But at the same time, doesn't it make you feel a bit more sane knowing it wasn't just you?

Oh, yes. Big time. :D

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For so many years I was conused about who I was and what I wanted, and while I can picture myself with other people, I can also picture myself without them. The difference is I can't picture myself without you. Neither of us have been perfect, but man do we care about each other. Of that I am so very sure. Thank you for not giving up on me in all these years.

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How very tired i am after uni today

Edited by angelbabe
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I wish I knew what people wanted from me and if I did would I want it too?

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So wonderful to spend the evening with my mum.

Looking forward to spending the weekend with some talented people on Anglesey and all the photography opportunities.

Wondering how I'm going to fit in all the commissions that keep popping up, but feeling very grateful!

Missing my girl.

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So, now I’ve done it but will I do it? .....Usual indecisive thoughts.

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. o O (has it really been a year already? damn...and again...double damn on whomever you got those cuffs from)

 

. o O (I want to go home - or wherever the weather's NOT being bipolar)

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I shouldn't be so desperate to hear from you, but I am. Especially after the sad dream I had last night.

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Oof, @kairi. I'm sorry you're feeling heavy and sad right now. 

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4 minutes ago, N00Bi said:

Oof, @kairi. I'm sorry you're feeling heavy and sad right now. 

I am feeling like this the last days but  the nights are harder.

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I haven't been feeling like myself in a long time, and today it's like I'm standing on a shore, and the ever-present, oppressive gray has lifted and there is sun shining through.  I'm looking at the sunlight thinking o there you are!  how long can you stay?  and where have you been?  and why is this fog so thick?  and thanks for keeping it warm even though I can't see you...

 

And the waves are burbling, laughing at me, stopping short of my feet.  Myself is the shore, and the sea, and the cloud, and the sun.  All of this is me; I'm just piloting in pieces towards an uncertain horizon.  

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