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Who Is Married To A Man, Yet Bi, And How Is That Working Out?

Married Bisexual open

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#21 OFFLINE   BayGoddess

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Posted 09 December 2016 - 11:56 PM

I never would have married my husband if he hadn't been ok with me being bi. I knew from a young age that I was (my first sexual enounter was with a woman) and have struggled with myself over being out about it for years. I'm finally ok enough with myself to fully embrace who I am.

#22 OFFLINE   caliwoman

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Posted 10 December 2016 - 12:15 AM

Married for nearly 13 years; our anniversary is in January. Dating for 15 years and tomorrow is that anniversary.

Fell for my dental hygienist when I met her in Jan of 2015. Realized my own feelings in March of 2015. Told him of my "platonic" feelings in May of 2015. Struggled with it and came out to him (he already had a feeling) in April of 2016. Had my first same-sex date and kiss in August of 2016.

Separated last month. Filing for divorce this month, time
permitted.

#23 OFFLINE   Usagi.fangirl

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Posted 10 December 2016 - 06:05 PM

View PostCute&Curious, on 08 December 2016 - 05:58 PM, said:

You ladies are amazing, I look up to all of you who can make this work. My question to you is this...how did you get your husbands to understand and see things from your point of view? Or does that just come naturally to certain male personalities and leave others with the inability to ever comprehend it?
I do believe supportive men have certain beliefs, worldviews, or predispositions that make them more open and understanding of their woman's desires. For us, my husband did struggle with some fears that I would find someone else, but he recognized those fears came from his insecurities that he's working through. Now that I've just started to dip my toe into the dating world, he's very supportive. Ultimately he believes that our love is strong enough to keep us together, even if I date someone else. He's also very open minded and is open to us living a polyamorous life. Right now he has no interest in having another lover, but he is open to me having one because he believes that my happiness will only make his life happier by proximity. He doesn't want me to keep these feelings in a grow resentful towards him.

For us, discussing these issues in terms of happiness and authenticity really helped. I told him that my feelings for him hadn't decreased at all; he knows how much he, and our family, means to me. I want to be my whole authentic self, and that includes being bisexual and loving a woman. His supportive response to my sexuality has actually strengthened our relationship. We have both recommitted ourselves to loving and supporting each other, no matter what that means. There is still a long road ahead of us, and I'm sure we will face challenges like jealousy, but I'm confident we can work through it. We are committed to staying together and staying in love.

I hope I've been able to help! Your situation (Cute&Curious) sounds so difficult. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a way to be happy and live a life that feels more authentic.

#24 OFFLINE   BiTriMama

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 05:19 AM

I was clear the first time I spoke with my ex-husband that I was into women.  My sexuality was something he was able to use to manipulate me, unfortunately.  His manipulation and emotional abuse are why I ultimately left.  I don't think my sexuality really played a factor in our marriage, except that we had a triad relationship at one point and dated a couple of other women.  That probably prolonged the relationship more than anything.

#25 OFFLINE   roselove

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 08:05 PM

View PostOcean Horizon, on 08 December 2016 - 02:49 AM, said:

Roselove,
Thank you for your post.  It is so reassuring to hear others in the same position making it work.  Yes, communication is key.

How did it work with the dating site?  Successful?

I have spoke with a few ladies, but nothing big yet.  I have been talking with one lady who wants to meet up.  In fact I was a little worried because she lives about an hour away, my husband told me it is only an hour. :)

#26 OFFLINE   roselove

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 08:14 PM

Cute and Curious, my husband is a great guy, but I think the main thing is reassuring him.  I had to make sure he knew my feelings for him had not changed.  He listened with an open mind.  Communication is so important.  You also have to let them have time to wrap their minds around it.  Don't push things give them time and be patient.  Remember they need your support as much as you need theirs.  I wish you the best!

#27 OFFLINE   Ocean Horizon

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 08:56 PM

View Postroselove, on 11 December 2016 - 08:05 PM, said:

I have spoke with a few ladies, but nothing big yet.  I have been talking with one lady who wants to meet up.  In fact I was a little worried because she lives about an hour away, my husband told me it is only an hour. :)

What is the optimal distance for you?  For your husband?

#28 OFFLINE   roselove

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 10:50 PM

Ocean Horizon, I prefer someone in my town so I can have snuggle with.   I would be okay with traveling.  We have not discussed a distance.

#29 OFFLINE   Cute&Curious

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 11:17 PM

View PostUsagi.fangirl, on 10 December 2016 - 06:05 PM, said:


I do believe supportive men have certain beliefs, worldviews, or predispositions that make them more open and understanding of their woman's desires. For us, my husband did struggle with some fears that I would find someone else, but he recognized those fears came from his insecurities that he's working through. Now that I've just started to dip my toe into the dating world, he's very supportive. Ultimately he believes that our love is strong enough to keep us together, even if I date someone else. He's also very open minded and is open to us living a polyamorous life. Right now he has no interest in having another lover, but he is open to me having one because he believes that my happiness will only make his life happier by proximity. He doesn't want me to keep these feelings in a grow resentful towards him.

For us, discussing these issues in terms of happiness and authenticity really helped. I told him that my feelings for him hadn't decreased at all; he knows how much he, and our family, means to me. I want to be my whole authentic self, and that includes being bisexual and loving a woman. His supportive response to my sexuality has actually strengthened our relationship. We have both recommitted ourselves to loving and supporting each other, no matter what that means. There is still a long road ahead of us, and I'm sure we will face challenges like jealousy, but I'm confident we can work through it. We are committed to staying together and staying in love.

I hope I've been able to help! Your situation (Cute&Curious) sounds so difficult. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a way to be happy and live a life that feels more authentic.
Thank you for your perspective, I always enjoy reading your posts. Your husband sounds very respectful and honourable. My husband really is a good man, although I make him sound like a villain in my posts, probably because I have already begun to carry some resentment towards him. This is a confusing phase for us both and our main problem is communication. We've each been looking at this from our own point of view. For me, it's about how it affects me, in his mind it's about how it affects him. But we've yet to find a way to come together and discuss how it affects us as a couple. Hoping to get there some day

#30 OFFLINE   Usagi.fangirl

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Posted 12 December 2016 - 12:53 AM

View PostCute&Curious, on 11 December 2016 - 11:17 PM, said:

Thank you for your perspective, I always enjoy reading your posts. Your husband sounds very respectful and honourable. My husband really is a good man, although I make him sound like a villain in my posts, probably because I have already begun to carry some resentment towards him. This is a confusing phase for us both and our main problem is communication. We've each been looking at this from our own point of view. For me, it's about how it affects me, in his mind it's about how it affects him. But we've yet to find a way to come together and discuss how it affects us as a couple. Hoping to get there some day
Thank you for your kind words, I feel really thankful to be married to him.

I don't think you make your husband sound like a villain, although I think you're correct in saying that you're already carrying resentment towards him. I also think it's very perceptive of you to recognize that you are both seeing this from your own perspective. You're right, finding a way to come together and discuss how it affects you as a couple and family is key.

I find talking about our personal fears can be a good way to start a difficult conversation. While it can be a struggle to not take the other person's fears personally, often when we shed light on our fears we find ways to overcome them. I hope you get there someday too.

#31 OFFLINE   BunnyBread

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 09:20 AM

Effing horribly. We're monogamous, which I'm fine with (I can't see myself as the type to find someone else if I'm committed anyway). But (and the ladies who have seen my posts from a year ago probably know), I go through the WORST dry spells with my husband... sad to say that it hasn't gotten much better.

I'm honestly starting to think about if I have other options.

#32 OFFLINE   PersianQueen

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:47 AM

Hi Ladies, just signed up and feel the need to share!  I've been with my man 18years and we have 4 children together, he is my soul mate, I'm totally in love with him and It first started 8 years ago with me having fantasies about watching him be with another woman then over the years it became a threesome fantasy and obviously I would be in close proximity to the other woman and i would talk to my hubby about my fantasies he is a very open minded and loving man and he is the one who pointed out that I may possibly be bi,and I shouldn't ignore it if that's what I want, the only problem I have is I don't ever have fantasies about just me and another woman my hubby is always there with us......so can anybody help me understand....am I bi?

Please help me it's been years since i started having these thoughts and I'm thinking of trying to setup a threesome, what do you ladies think? Help!

#33 OFFLINE   Ambrosia

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 10:42 PM

View PostOcean Horizon, on 07 December 2016 - 01:57 PM, said:

Hello all!

I am new to the site and very happy to be here!  I have a question for those who are married to  man, and have come out during their marriage. I have identified myself a couple of years ago, and am still trying to find a balance.  I do love my husband and the life we have created with each other.   Yet, there is such a big piece that is missing for me.  He is aware of my sexuality, and is very supportive, yet also very scared that I will fall in love with a woman and leave.  That is not my intention.  However, I can't imagine ever not being with a woman again!  It's pretty awesome....

This is a brief intro to a topic to which I will add later, but just thought I would open discussion...

Thank you so much!

I'm married and bi!  We've been together for 10 years, married almost 5. I both realized i was bi and came out to him while we were dating.  He is unbelievably supportive and knows I'll never leave him. I do find it hard to find other women who are okay with my situation, but it's not impossible.  I've recent started discussing experimenting with a friend who is dating a man, and as far as i know, the 4 of us are all on the same page. It's pretty exciting!

#34 OFFLINE   Ocean Horizon

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 10:44 AM

View PostAmbrosia, on 29 December 2016 - 10:42 PM, said:

I'm married and bi!  We've been together for 10 years, married almost 5. I both realized i was bi and came out to him while we were dating.  He is unbelievably supportive and knows I'll never leave him. I do find it hard to find other women who are okay with my situation, but it's not impossible.  I've recent started discussing experimenting with a friend who is dating a man, and as far as i know, the 4 of us are all on the same page. It's pretty exciting!

Honesty and communication are very important!  It sounds as though you are in a very good spot moving into 2017!  I am wishing you the best!

#35 OFFLINE   MagicMarker

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 06:31 PM

View PostPersianQueen, on 29 December 2016 - 09:47 AM, said:

Hi Ladies, just signed up and feel the need to share!  I've been with my man 18years and we have 4 children together, he is my soul mate, I'm totally in love with him and It first started 8 years ago with me having fantasies about watching him be with another woman then over the years it became a threesome fantasy and obviously I would be in close proximity to the other woman and i would talk to my hubby about my fantasies he is a very open minded and loving man and he is the one who pointed out that I may possibly be bi,and I shouldn't ignore it if that's what I want, the only problem I have is I don't ever have fantasies about just me and another woman my hubby is always there with us......so can anybody help me understand....am I bi?

Please help me it's been years since i started having these thoughts and I'm thinking of trying to setup a threesome, what do you ladies think? Help!

Hi :) This is a really interesting topic and might be worth a thread of its own? I'm new here (and pretty new to working through my feelings) so may not be of much help but I do know there are plenty of ladies here who would be!

#36 OFFLINE   Cute&Curious

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 06:48 PM

View PostPersianQueen, on 29 December 2016 - 09:47 AM, said:

Hi Ladies, just signed up and feel the need to share!  I've been with my man 18years and we have 4 children together, he is my soul mate, I'm totally in love with him and It first started 8 years ago with me having fantasies about watching him be with another woman then over the years it became a threesome fantasy and obviously I would be in close proximity to the other woman and i would talk to my hubby about my fantasies he is a very open minded and loving man and he is the one who pointed out that I may possibly be bi,and I shouldn't ignore it if that's what I want, the only problem I have is I don't ever have fantasies about just me and another woman my hubby is always there with us......so can anybody help me understand....am I bi?

Please help me it's been years since i started having these thoughts and I'm thinking of trying to setup a threesome, what do you ladies think? Help!
I agree with MagicMarker, this deserves its own thread. I'll keep my comments for the new topic, it's an interesting one

#37 OFFLINE   PersianQueen

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 08:45 PM

View PostMagicMarker, on 30 December 2016 - 06:31 PM, said:


Thank you for your reply, I will take your advice and start a new thread....x


Hi :) This is a really interesting topic and might be worth a thread of its own? I'm new here (and pretty new to working through my feelings) so may not be of much help but I do know there are plenty of ladies here who would be!


#38 OFFLINE   PersianQueen

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 08:46 PM

View PostCute&Curious, on 30 December 2016 - 06:48 PM, said:


I agree with MagicMarker, this deserves its own thread. I'll keep my comments for the new topic, it's an interesting one

Thank you for your comment, I will start a new thread..x

#39 OFFLINE   Ambrosia

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Posted 02 January 2017 - 11:11 PM

View PostOcean Horizon, on 30 December 2016 - 10:44 AM, said:



Honesty and communication are very important!  It sounds as though you are in a very good spot moving into 2017!  I am wishing you the best!

Thanks so much! Yes, being open and honest is forefront in our relationship.  I'm feeling pretty confidant in where we're going. I appreciate the kind words of encouragement, ocean horizon <3 and i wish you the best as well!

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 07:58 AM

I told my husband I fancied women after our daughter was born. He was fine with I. Worried I didn't want to be with him anymore though. He is my soulmate and I love him to bits but don't really feel much sexual attraction towards him but we are obviously managing as we now have a son too. We talk about women quite openly, discussing who we find attractive and not. I am so lucky with him, but I still have a HUGE amount of frustration regarding my sexuality - I haven't even kissed a women before.





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