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I Am A Heterosexual Biromantic.

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#1 OFFLINE   mylastsongtojenny92



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Posted 23 May 2011 - 03:49 AM

Hey everyone!
So after a pretty long time of trying to sort out my feelings and figure out what I am, I've finally realized that I am a heterosexual biromantic.
Most people's sexual and romantic orientation are congruent, which is why you may have never heard the terms "hetero, homo, or bi-romantic".  However, for some, like myself, it's not that perfect. My different sexual and romantic orientations caused a ton of confusion, especially when I was younger.

For as long as I can remember, I have been attracted to boys.  I think I was on the more sexual side for my age, even when I was pretty young.  I was always the girl kissing boys on the playgrounds at school, haha.

Around 7th or 8th grade though, I developed a HUGE crush on a girl in one of my classes.  This attracted was different than the ones I had felt for boys, though.  I was so young and I really didn't know what I was feeling.

As the years went on, I kept consistently getting crushes on girls (I still had feelings for guys, too).  Around 10th grade in high school, I had a long talk with a close guy friend about how I was pretty sure I was bisexual.  Coming out to him made me a lot more confident about it.

I didn't continue to come out to others, though, because it didn't seem right.  I wasn't sure if I really was bisexual.  Maybe these "girl crushes" were a phase that I'd grow out of?

Looking back, the reason I was so confused was that my attracted to girls has always lacked the sexual part. When I was younger, it was harder to decipher the two.  

I know it's a weird concept to wrap your head around.  I have fallen in love with a girl without wanted to necessarily have sex with her.  When I would fantasize about the girl, I would think about holding her, cuddling with her, kissing her...but the sexual fantasy didn't go much further than that.  

I just finished my first year in college, and I'm glad that I've finally been able to figure out what had been confusing me for so many years.  I was in a serious relationship with a guy for six months this year.  I fell in love with him, and I also felt sexual attraction.  I think I could date a girl for sure because I have had very strong emotional attractions to women.  It might be hard to find a girl who is okay with limited sex...but I'm not ruling that out as something I would want to look for.

At the end of the day, the truth is that sexuality is really complicated.  Who knows- if I meet the right girl, maybe I will develop larger sexual feelings for her.  I'm not too into labels, but this seems to really describe what I've been feeling for a good chunk of my life.  

So...any thoughts? Suggestions? people in a similar situations?

Thanks! :)

#2 OFFLINE   rendi



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Posted 23 May 2011 - 04:29 AM

Biromantic is a term that I've heard before. Every now and then I use it in regards to myself because sometimes I feel that the word "bisexual" conjures up an image that only focuses on the sexual aspect of dual attraction, where "biromantic" sounds more emotional to me.
It's interesting that you point out that when you fantasize about being with a girl, you fantasize about cuddling, holding hands and kissing but it doesn't progress much further than that. Before I became sexually active with guys, my fantasies about them were basically just that; kissing, holding hands, and cuddling without any sex. It wasn't until after I actually had sex with a guy and became more exposed to heterosexual sex via adult media that I started fantasizing about guys in a sexual manner. My attractions to girls used to be sweet and non-sexual too. I couldn't imagine having sex with another girl. I had no exposure or awareness of how to even carry out such an act with another female, so trying to imagine it on my own just freaked me out despite still having these head over heel crushes on particular classmates and friends. It wasn't until the very first airing of the first episode of the L Word that I was plunged into the realization that two women could actually make love to each other. That really changed everything for me. Being able to see that it is possible that those romantic feelings for other women could lead to the same things that was expected to occur between a man and a woman lifted a veil from my mind. Although I have never been with a woman, the thought of being with one sexually no longer freaks me out. Actually, it's something that I deeply desire. Maybe for you, you might only be attracted to girls emotionally and nothing more. Or maybe your romantic feelings are just the beginning of something that will blossom into romantic as well as sexual attractions at a later stage in your life. For some people everything happens all at once. For others it can be a gradual unfolding that could take years. You never know but it's good that you are exploring your feelings and coming to an understanding that is most comfortable for you. That's what's most important.
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#3 OFFLINE   longing


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Posted 23 May 2011 - 06:01 AM

As far as labels go, bi-curious is all I've managed to claim.
Bi romantic I can EASILY identify with! I want the emotional intimacy and flitiness with a woman for sure. Actually getting naked and playful is still out on a limb for me. Definitely not ruled out. It has been and still is a strong fantasy of mine. I'll just have to see if this is a fantasy that I actually decide to make reality- but the flirtatious and emotional intimacy aspects I def long for now.


Thanks for posting this!
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Posted 23 May 2011 - 09:38 AM

Being bi-romantic may not be very usual, but I totally get it even though it doesnīt apply to me. I am very much bisexual, but hetero-romantic.

I had some mini-crushes as a teenager, but didnīt identify them as such. I think as females we find it easy to appreciate another womanīs beauty (compared to men who seem to have a harder time finding other men attractive) in a very nonsexual way, so I thought that was the case for me too.
Then I developed a real crush on this girl who was just the most unique, beautiful girl I had ever met. Again, above all, it was an appreciation of her beauty, but now with a little added sexual interest. I had no idea how far my physical attraction would go, but I knew I wanted to kiss her. When I did (sadly, nothing more happened) I knew I wanted more, but again wasnīt sure how much more. And after I had my first real experience with another woman, I knew I was a full on bisexual. So for me, experience helped me clear up my feelings a bit more.
But that doesnīt have to be the case! With many things you donīt have to experience them to know that you like or donīt like them. Thatīs the case for me in terms of relationships with women. I have never pictured myself in a situation that was other than either friendship or a sexual relationship. The thought of romance with a woman does not interest me in the slightest bit, it actually feels boring & odd if Iīm trying to picture it for myself. So that makes it pretty clear that I`m hetero-romantic, and thatīs not going to change even if my very first real girl crush came along and wanted me to be her girlfriend!

So I would ask you, how do you feel if you picture yourself being sexual with a girl?
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#5 OFFLINE   ontario girl

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Posted 23 May 2011 - 01:25 PM

[quote name='mylastsongtojenny92' date='23 May 2011 - 04:49 AM' timestamp='1306122591' post='941773']
I know it's a weird concept to wrap your head around.  I have fallen in love with a girl without wanted to necessarily have sex with her.  When I would fantasize about the girl, I would think about holding her, cuddling with her, kissing her...but the sexual fantasy didn't go much further than that.  

Yep i can identify with that totally. That is the exact situation i am in.  I've been happily married for 20 years, still very much in love with my husband but realsied out of the blue one day about 3 years ago that i had fallen in love with my best friend in the exact way that you described. Though having gone through (now that i look back) a few girl curshes in the post when i was younger.

So yes it does happen - im living proof   :happy0005:

Its a weird thing and i have found it hard to get used to and still struggle with it. My husband is totally cool about it and so is she.  We are working on the cuddling, holding bit as she has issues with physicality in general due to an abusive marriage not due to the fact that she doesnt care for me.  Its a roller coaster but generallly the good outweighs the hard parts.

#6 OFFLINE   thehappiestgirlIeverknew



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Posted 23 May 2011 - 01:32 PM


The term bisexual does actually include both sexual and emotional attractions, so strictly speaking you are bisexual.

( Not my fault, complain to the people who defined the word!)

But interestingly, recent studies have actually shown that all women are capable of falling in love with another woman. So all women are "bi-romantic" as you put it, or indeed, the more common term is emotional bisexuals.

So rather than being alone in this world, you are in fact one of billions who are the same as you. What makes you unusual, is the fact that you have realised your love for another woman.


Edited by smudge, 23 May 2011 - 01:36 PM.

#7 OFFLINE   RoseRoseGirl



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Posted 09 April 2014 - 01:22 AM

OMG, I kinda hate the term bi! Bisexual or bi romantic!? Someone asked me a while back if I was bi (I knew he meant bisexual) but I wasn't sure what to say because for like my whole life I've really liked guys, but at the same time I had little "crushes" on other girls... It was never like a sexual thing, I just liked them emotionally. I've always just thought of myself as an affectionate person, it was the only way I could explain it to others. I honestly didn't know there were others who feel this way and I'm really glad I found this. I was kinda confused by the whole "sexuality VS romanticality" thing, but now I understand it and I finally know who I am. <3

#8 OFFLINE   kat_87



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Posted 27 May 2014 - 07:21 AM

Hey I'm in the same boat. I've been trying to figure this out lately. I feel romantically attracted to women. I feel somewhat sexually attracted to women but don't like lesbian sex. I mean a women's body turns me on in the same way as a man's body does. The difference is I like sex with men but not with women. That's what confuses me. I'm not sure if that makes me biromantic or not. I like cuddeling, kissing, and romantic intimacy with a women. I'm not sure what to call that. Biromantic makes the most sense so far.

Sexuality is complicated!

#9 OFFLINE   lovelylewa



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Posted 12 October 2016 - 05:56 AM

i have always thought of myself as Heterosexual. Sometimes I feel things in my heart, emotionally towards a woman but when I think about sex with a woman I think it is gross on, some aspects. So i don't know. I feel like it will be extremely hard for me to come out, though.

#10 OFFLINE   Londonchic


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Posted 14 October 2016 - 07:04 AM

Thank you for this post, it completely sums up exactly how I feel too. Always had crushes on girls, but fantasies have never gone beyond kissing (passionate!) and holding. Find men still sexually attractive, I am sure if I were to meet a woman that I had very strong feelings for then maybe I would want more intimacy, who knows?

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