42 replies to this topic

[kyra]

All my straight female friends are very accepting of both lesbians and bisexuals. Actually almost all straight women I know are very accepting. I work in an environment with lots of very different women, my colleagues have very different cultural and religious backgrounds and I have often been astonished on how accepting most are of other sexual orientations. My mum is the only real exception, she is both a homophobe and a biphobe.

[kyra]

Phoenixxxx, on 14 April 2012 - 04:33 PM, said:

I haven't told any of the girls I'm friends with because the comments I've heard from them have been negative.

We can't choose family or colleagues but we are free to choose our friends, may I ask why you are friends with women who are openly homo- or bi-phobic?

[leone29]

kyra, on 15 April 2012 - 09:16 AM, said:

We can't choose family or colleagues but we are free to choose our friends, may I ask why you are friends with women who are openly homo- or bi-phobic?

My own friend who is homophobic will not be nasty towards people who are gay or bi.  She is just against it as a personal choice and does not get it.  Her very best friend of over 20 years is the other person she knows who is bi and she is still her best friend.  So yes she is homophobic to a degree but all her other qualities are that of a lovely, kind hearted person who I regard as a very close friend.  I would not choose to not be her friend simply because her views on being gay differ to mine.

[littlelotus]

Phoenixxxx, you're welcome to come down here and help me make it better! *hint*

yes, that was a flirt.

*retreats*

I tend to try to stick around and see if my phobic friends are even willing to look at themselves and their beliefs. If they are, then I stick around and we discuss it. If not, I'll drop 'em like hot cakes, because gossip and character assasination generally follow bigotry, and that's not my bag.

[sOxtiNa]

Phoenixxxx, on 14 April 2012 - 04:33 PM, said:

This is a very debatable topic and I think it most is about what type of person they are. I'm friends with mostly men and the ones that I've told are encouraging if not happy that I have found myself. I haven't told any of the girls I'm friends with because the comments I've heard from them have been negative. In the past most women I met have always said negative things about lesbians and bisexuality. So now I wonder is this a true thing, are men more accepting of lesbianism and bisexuality than women?

Maybe I am just partial because of my own "questions," but it might not be that "straight women are less accepting than men," and rather the fact that they may be wanting to disguise their own "curious" feelings. All the b.s. aside, when someone is alone with their own thoughts, I do not believe there is anyone who falls 100% at either end of the spectrum (but somewhere along the continuum). If these "straight" women are saying negative things about lesbians and bisexuality, they might be trying to cover up or over compensate for certain feelings they themselves may experience from time to time. Just a thought.

[Phoenixxxx]

kyra, on 15 April 2012 - 09:16 AM, said:

We can't choose family or colleagues but we are free to choose our friends, may I ask why you are friends with women who are openly homo- or bi-phobic?

Two years after graduating from high school and my boyfriend and I, are still with the same two groups. One group the girls are not very nice and I rarely hangout with them anymore because of this (he does). But the 2nd group is a mixture 2 of them are unpredictable and will only hook up with girls when they're drunk or at a party (only acceptable form to them, i don't get it either) and the other two or might be bi but I don't want to take the chance and tell them, because of some things they've said in the past. They're good friends it could just be I'm not good at predicting reactions or reading them as well. I'm in the process of trying to meet girls that have broad minds when it comes to sexuality. I just won't want to give up on them because of there beliefs. Where I live its a little hard to do, but i'm working on it.

[Phoenixxxx]

sOxtiNa, on 16 April 2012 - 09:42 AM, said:

Maybe I am just partial because of my own "questions," but it might not be that "straight women are less accepting than men," and rather the fact that they may be wanting to disguise their own "curious" feelings. All the b.s. aside, when someone is alone with their own thoughts, I do not believe there is anyone who falls 100% at either end of the spectrum (but somewhere along the continuum). If these "straight" women are saying negative things about lesbians and bisexuality, they might be trying to cover up or over compensate for certain feelings they themselves may experience from time to time. Just a thought.

I've always thought the same thing hun!

[Phoenixxxx]

littlelotus, on 15 April 2012 - 03:03 PM, said:

Phoenixxxx, you're welcome to come down here and help me make it better! *hint*

yes, that was a flirt.

*retreats*

I tend to try to stick around and see if my phobic friends are even willing to look at themselves and their beliefs. If they are, then I stick around and we discuss it. If not, I'll drop 'em like hot cakes, because gossip and character assasination generally follow bigotry, and that's not my bag.

lol lottus i'll be there in a second...I'm doing the same and seeing their reaction to certain things and waiting to see if I can say something. This so very new that I'm a little unsure of myself and others ( even ones I've known for a longtime).. But will see

[darlingkinkypixie]

all my straight lady friends have been so wonderfully accepting and supportive since I came out the closet, funnily enough most of the men that I have told end up panicking I'm going to seduce their wives!

[Phoenixxxx]

kyra, on 15 April 2012 - 09:13 AM, said:

All my straight female friends are very accepting of both lesbians and bisexuals. Actually almost all straight women I know are very accepting. I work in an environment with lots of very different women, my colleagues have very different cultural and religious backgrounds and I have often been astonished on how accepting most are of other sexual orientations. My mum is the only real exception, she is both a homophobe and a biphobe.

You are so lucky to know these type of people and be around them, my environment is more of a conservative one and not as diverse. I grew in a very catholic area on an island, and still am on that said island. People are a little less accepting of any different, but If you make your way into the more urban areas you'll find its not like that. It's also much more expensive to live there a far away.

[Cola Gurl]

actually. my (straight) female friends are also accepting of lesbians and bis. i keep my circle of friends very tight. they usually have to pass my first test - race. (i am of asian heritage) if i hear any prejudices about race, i drop them bigoted asses. those that pass the test move on to the 2nd round - sexuality.

[Phoenixxxx]

Cola Gurl, on 16 April 2012 - 04:23 PM, said:

actually. my (straight) female friends are also accepting of lesbians and bis. i keep my circle of friends very tight. they usually have to pass my first test - race. (i am of asian heritage) if i hear any prejudices about race, i drop them bigoted asses. those that pass the test move on to the 2nd round - sexuality.

You go gurrrl!!!!.. This weekend I think I'm going to tell the girls that I think can handle it, and see they're reaction if they start acting werid and saying crap then yeah I'm going to kick them to the curb.

[Phoenixxxx]

Thanxs everyone for the advice and discussion, I'm planning on talking to the to girls who I think can handle me this weekend. I'll let you know how that turns out.

[Lionheart]

Some men can be equally less accepting of Bisexuality and Lesbianism as some straight women.
However plenty of straight men are turned on - as you may well be aware of it - by the idea of two women together which explains why they are "accepting"...

[jenniferryanne]

I'm not sure if men are more accepting then women, it all depends on the person, but I know that guys are less judgmental. I have a group of friends that I have recently came out to and told I was bi. Their husbands don't care, but I have one friend, which is my best friend of the group because we are so similar, that is absolutely freaked out i guess is how I should say it. I'm not sure. I mean, she doesn't care enough to judge me, but I feel like she is now worried about being around me. Yes she is attractive, but living in the military you don't get many friends with a lot in common with yourself so I have definitely appreciated her friendship, but I would never push those boundaries with her. This weekend, all the couples went to New Orleans, and I was joking with everybody and at one point on the way back home I had pulled her hair down, it was in a ponytail and I was kidding, so I offered to pull it back up for her and she said ok, so I did, and I didn't mean anything by it, honestly, because I accidentally poked her in the eye at one point haha but I know that I ran my fingers across her neck probably more than I should have but it was strictly because I didn't want to miss any of her hair when I was pulling it back up. Honestly. Well now I was informed that she was completely freaked out by it all and i made her so uncomfortable, so I had to apologize, i'm not really sure what I was apologizing for but I did. She is me closest friend, and we will only be here a few more months before I never see her again, and I don't want to make her feel that way about me, and definitely not that way toward anyone else that is Bi that she may meet in her life. I want them all to kind of know, that just because I'm bi i'm not going to hit on them all, I'm not going to try to attack them every time we drink, you know, that just because I do like girls too, doesn't mean you have to ignore me. Some are understanding, some just are having a hard time with it. That is my current experience with your question though. lol i think it really depends on the person, but I think guys are a lot less judgmental and less likely to take anything the wrong way.

[littlefish]

This is a really interesting topic. Varied responses. This is going to come across very sad but hey, I wanted to share. I've not kept in touch / had close enough friends to really be able to offer a view point on this. It has never come up in conversation and I am one for following a thread of conversation rather than starting it. Most of my friends are work related and it not really the place to discuss these things? Also a couple of people I would consider friends at work are ones I enjoy being around if you catch my drift and fairly sure at least one of them would be freaked out enough to not talk to me again, but guess that is also the test of friendship hey?

Everyone should be accepted for who they are, including what may be considered quirks by some.

I think as a lot of you are saying though, I agree men seem to be more accepting than women in my very limited experience.

[Lionheart]

Men less judgemental than women?
Some of them may appear to be less judgemental when it comes to lesbian/BI women, but try get an average straight man be accepting of gay/trans men.
That's a whole different story.
This topic could easily be turned around: are straight women MORE accepting of Gay/BI men than straight men are?
There's the answer.

[jenniferryanne]

True, and I agree, men are harsh to gay/transexual men, but that wasn't the question, or I would have gone into that as well.

[RunningxChick]

I agree that straight women are quick to judge bisexual and homosexual women. They don't understand it or just flat out think its gross. I never really understood why people think it's gross but I guess everyone has their opinion.

[tsikk]

This is going to be very anecdotal evidence.

I do have one acquaintance who is best friends with a gay guy but told me she finds lesbians disgusting and it's her gut reaction. I wasn't, I'm not out to her but I pointed out her double standards as I always do in such cases. She was aware of this and it kind of bothered her and that's probably why she brought it up with me... It was that she saw two butch women kissing almost, making out provocatively in purpose in an underground train. I said I wouldn't have liked that kind of behavior from anybody else either and I don't. In fact I've been in her exact situation myself and I didn't like it, you simply shouldn't pull it on captive audience in crammed spaces.

Other friends have had no trouble at all but I've also been very selective to whom I tell. One friend of mine is very pro gay but I'm starting to think it's more so about gay males. She sadly parroted a bi-phobic "joke" of one of her gay guy friends that there are no bi's only closeted gays. I said look you actually know VERY BI men. Like the one you think is such a ladies man and the other who is a flag-waving gay activist in a serious relationship with another man. Well, she just questioned their bi'ness without any pause or contemplation!

She's my oldest friend and I want to finally spell it out to her that yes I do fancy women but this makes things somewhat more complicated... And she is flirty about women herself but I think her reasons are more complicated. Ahh hell, I should just do it, it's all complicated anyway already and I'm adding to it probably.